Memoirs of an Amnesiac
by xoX-IHeartSureal-Xox
Summary: Reunited with a messy haired boy she'd thought lost;Kairi feels her life is popping back into Technicolor...But as the secrets of the past unravel,she can't help but feel that things were simpler in black and white...AU Sokai with minor Roxine and Riku?
1. Prologue

**To all new readers Hello! To all who have read this before Welcome Back:P! Right; so I didn't think my former prologue for this story was up to scratch; so here's a mysterious NEW prologue to lay your eyes on. Much more relevant. Much more Mysterious... though maybe those who've read on can work it out. Lebrezie Probabley:D LoL! sorry.. never mind about that. Anyway Go ahead and read it already! And if you want to see the old prologue just conntact me and i'll PM it to you. **

**Reading And Not Reviewing Is A Crime! Please R&R as much as you can :P**

_Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom hearts, Okay?_

oh and since this is a prologue i'm not really doing my normal kind of dedication; This one goes out to my sister (who i'll never let read this but who cares? I love her anyways:D) and my frien Laura who i've known since i was like 7...

Well anyway; let's get on with it: Shall we?

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Prologue

**_Anonymous_**

_They found her. She was washed up… her memory washed out._

_When she awoke; they made fast friends… all three of them… or so two thought…_

_Best Friends… forever; until the end of time or infinity – whatever came first…_

_Then She left and suddenly all their lives changed… for better, or for worse? It depends on whose perspective… It depends on how long after She went away you judge from… Or how long after She came back…_

_Anyway; nothing was the same._

_The Ripples of her departure sent each of their worlds spinning…_

_One grew silent__: grief stricken, lonely though not alone; they wondered if a word would escape his lips again; was he forever silenced? _

_One fought for that __feeling of security and comfort, so lost to her, disregarding all else in the pursuit of happiness; but was she unknowingly destroying herself in the process?_

_And One, felt more frustration then ever before, so confused, so disappointed… he was the first of the trio to feel such pain; though would he ever tell anyone why? Would he let anyone get close enough to understand what made him do so much wrong; cause so much hurt? _

_I wish he had told me…but would it have changed anything if he had? I guess I know the answer to that… _

_But it was undeniable that all of that happened because of that day; all the grief that came, all the loss, and the hate… _

_The feud… _

_The war…_

_The heartbreak…_

_It all came back to it._

_But then again… So did the love._

_But Love doesn't guarantee Happiness… you'd be naïve to think that…_

_I was once._

_And I guess that was another result of that day as well._

_I set many of the events in motion later on though; so maybe it wasn't all because of Her and how she effected Them forever after … but wasn't that just a repercussion?_

_Or was it just my idiocy?_

_I'll admit I was an Idiot… not all the time… but when it came to all the important things…_

_Yes; I have regrets.__ A multitude of them. I don't think there's anyone dead or alive who doesn't have some sort of regret._

_But I pay for my stupidity now; I have to see all the pain I could have prevented unfold before me and I can't do anything about it; I don't think anyone can. _

_If I could make one wish that I knew would come true; I would wish that I…_

_I'd wish that I never caused Him to hurt like that. Watching it takes my breath away; well basically…but it's not just that… it's worse…_

_And I think I realise something now that I was too blind to see then._

_And now I'm too late…_

_I loved Him so much more then I thought was possible. _

_I'm sorry…_

_I'm so unbelievably sorry._

_And__ I wish that He could have known._

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_Hmm... so who'd you think that was? and who did she love so much? Questions; questions... Read on and review as frequently as possible to unravel the mystery._

_Thanks for choosing my fanfic:D This is my first!_

_xoX-IHeartSureal-Xox_


	2. Remebering Forgetting

**Okay, chapter 1 is up and you're gona get some explanations. sorry if you don't like all the character backround but i'm trying to do this right...this is ALOT longer aswell, which i think is a good thing!anyways, Enjoy!**

_Disclaimer: I do NOT own Kingdom Hearts, or its characters... : (_

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Chapter One

_Kairi_

The view was ever-changing due to constant motion. Blurred and merging so you couldn't make out what exactly you were looking at, but you could still tell it was beautiful. I watched absent-mindedly, though transfixed by the morphing scenery, I was thinking of other things. Thinking of all we left behind, grateful to be free of it. Of all the schools I had been in (just counting the past five years) that had to be the worst. I never wanted to see those girls again; I wanted to forget what had happened like I had forgotten so many things. I was fifteen, adopted for the fifth time in eight years. This had been the longest I had ever lived with one family, well second longest if you counted the school I had lived in for three years before it shut down and I was sent for the first time to an orphanage.

Anyway, I was going back to Destiny Islands. Back to the one place I'd always wanted to return. I was seriously nervous though. I had left when I was ten; three years after I had turned up on the beach with no recollection of how I got there or who I was. Most people's first memories are vague, mine are quite distinct.

My first memory is vivid. I remember waking up in an unfamiliar bed, looking at an unfamiliar ceiling, in an unfamiliar place. In fact everything was unfamiliar, including me.

* * *

'Who am I?' The thought hit me like a speeding car; it was hard and sudden. I tried to remember, desperately searching my mind for a scrap of recollection. But nothing was there but a name; Kairi. Was it my name? It must have been. All of this didn't make any sense to me. I could remember how to speak, spell, and read, and how to add and subtract. I could do all of that kind of stuff…but how I knew it all was a mystery. I was completely lost. I started to cry, I couldn't help it.

And then I heard him; first a cough. I was still crying but I remember feeling a surge of hope at the thought that whoever was with me might know who I was. I sat up and saw a boy about my size sitting in a bedside chair. His short legs were dangling in the air; not long enough to reach the ground. He smiled a timid sort of smile, as though he wasn't quite sure what to do, or how I would react to him being there. I wondered if I knew him. Then he asked the question that made me cry twice as hard as I had been already.

"Um…Hi…I-I'm Sora, who are you?"

I swallowed, trying to make my voice steady.

"Hi, I-I _think _my name's Kairi." I sniffled. He began to look confused.

"You think…Don't you know?" His brow furrowed.

I shook my head, gulping down the lump in my throat again.

"I- I can't remember anything but-but that name…It must be my name…right?"

As I voiced it, my panic grew, as though talking about it made it more real. It was frightening to be in this situation. Fresh tears streaked my face. My vision blurred and I couldn't see anything clearly anymore. The world had turned into a mass of wet, colourful blobs. As I sobbed, the bed raised as something pushed on to it. I felt a hand the size of mine grasp me so that my fingers were laced with its own. It was surprisingly comforting; it made me feel like I was somehow less alone in the world.

"It's okay Kairi," As he said the name I smiled a small smile, though I was still crying heavily. It felt like he was giving me an identity. "You're safe. Don't cry."

And as he spoke the words I did feel a little safer. It was all a little ridiculous. He was a little kid like me. He couldn't keep me any safer then I could keep myself. However, even as I let the words calm me a little, I heard an edge of uncertainty and worry creep into his voice.

"But I don't know where I am or where I came from!" I began, my voice shaking.

"You're on one of the Destiny Islands, in the spare room of my house. And I know where you came from! I and my friend Riku found you on the beach, by the small dock and the little alcove. We got my dad to come for help. He carried you here. He's really strong. And don't worry,; my moms real smart so we'll find your home real quick and you can go back and get better. Maybe we could meet up sometime; I did find you after all. Oh, and Riku helped too, but it was mainly me. "

His voice made it clear that this was his idea of a good explanation to my questions. It was also clear that this was what he thought of as a heroic deed. But as I said we were little kids; finding a half dead amnesiac washed up on the beach is way cool when you're seven and three quarters. They probably never even thought of the possibility that I was dangerously close to dieing. If they hadn't called Sora's Father, I would have.

"But I don't know if I even wanna go home or not 'cause I don't know where home is or what it's like! I don't remember what my family is like, or my friends, or –or even me!"

I was scared. It all rushed out. I was having hysterics, and Sora was slowly catching on. He was starting to look a little freaked-out. I was too young for this, though I highly doubt any one in such a position would have been able to keep calm.

Sora didn't say anything, he just held my hand and let me cry and sob on his shoulder. We sat like that for an indefinite amount of time. But eventually his mom came and found us. She quickly rushed over to the bed and hugged me, making Sora release my hand.

"Shh, honey. Everything's okay. You're safe now. No one's going to hurt you." Why she thought that I had gotten the impression that someone _was_ going to hurt me, I couldn't work out.

"Sora" She said in a furious voice. "I told you to _stay out of this room _and let this poor girl rest. She has probably been through a lot, I mean she has been down for the count for two and a half days now… and you can't bring yourself to give her an ounce of privacy, or even a little time to recover! I come in here and find you've not only woken her up, but you've got her in hysterics!"

"I didn't get her in hysterics, she got herself in them. I didn't do nothing to make her catch them or wake-up."

"It's I didn't do _anything, _and don't you blame her for her predicament!"

"Her names Kairi, and what's a preditement?"

She was about to answer, when I started laughing. She stopped rocking me and looked down. From what I could see of Sora, he seemed to think I was insane, though I wasn't surprised in the least. My laughter sounded unstable and gave the impression that my mental health was likewise. But I couldn't stop. I started shaking from the sheer force of it.

"Oh my God, she's going into shock!" Sora's mom exclaimed. " Sora don't do anything, I'm going to get a glass of cold water, hopefully that'll help… but this may take a while for her to shake off.

It took an hour and a half.

I eventually managed (in between howls of laughter) to ask which way to the bathroom, ignoring my tortured stomach muscles I ran the way they pointed, went straight for the toilet, threw-up, staggered back to bed, and fell asleep. When I woke up again it was nice to be able to remember something. Sora had told his mom about my inability to remember anything but my name. She rang the authorities straight away, but there weren't any missing persons fitting my description. It became apparent that I was to be sent to an orphanage. I had become really good friends with Riku and Sora at this point and they helped me hide in an alcove by the beach for two days to try and stop me from being sent away. Eventually I was caught sneaking out to go to the toilet in a local café a while away. However, after realising how terrified I was of being sent away from the few places and people I knew, Sora's parents got back onto the authorities and it was finally arranged that I could live in the tiny private boarding school that was reasonably close to where Sora and Riku lived. I had a curfew, and was allowed out until six o'clock as long as I finished my homework first. At weekends I was sometimes even allowed out until seven o'clock.

It was soon decided I was about seven and a half, only a few months younger then Sora. And each birthday my curfew was extended a little latter, there was a half an hour added on every year on the first of July (This was my assumed 'birthday'). When I reached ten, the boarding school closed down. There was nowhere to go. Sora and I fought bitterly to get his parents to let me stay in there house until it was revealed that they could only live comfortably on their current budget with three mouths to feed. Not four.

The day I left was the worst day of my memorable life. I left at half six, so good-byes were made at six o'clock. I hugged Riku and then Sora, holding onto the later until they made me let go. At the last moment I worked up the courage to whisper in his ear.

"I love you Sora, please promise to always remember me."

"I love you too Kairi, try not to forget me…I know you have memory problems but I am in your first memory so at least hold on to that one, if not for my sake, then for your's."

I kicked him on the shin and then kissed him on the cheek. Someone was calling me. I was crying and I knew he had some of my tears on his shirt but for some reason I didn't want him to actually _see_ me cry, so I turned and ran.

"Kairi, please… could you write to me or something?"

I didn't know if I'd be able to where I was going, and I never made a promise I couldn't keep back then, so I didn't answer…I kept running and I never looked back.

It was only once I had hurled myself into the car, and lent into the seat that I realise my back was wet from Sora's tears.

* * *

Anyways, now I was finally going back. I had only managed to contact Sora once in the past five years. I didn't know what I was going to do. He wouldn't recognise me now, I had grown-up, and I knew I looked different. What if I wouldn't be able to recognise him? That would definitely make me panic a little bit. That would mean I was unable to recognise the first person I ever remembered meeting.

Oh God. This was nerve-wrecking. I began to think about it. Really think about it. Sora was always my best friend in my mind. When some one asked me who my best friend was, I would always answer them with him. I had made other friends in the orphanage and in the schools I had attended, and the areas in which I had lived. But Sora was always my best friend though I had basically lost contact with him.

I had tried to contact him almost everyday at first, writing letters that were probably never sent. I asked to make a call, but the orphanage didn't permit it since none of the kids really had anyone so they never set up a system to allow it. Then there were the various foster families, the first only lasted a few months, and they only allowed me one long-distance call when my birthday came around. So I immediately jumped at the chance to talk to Sora. We talked for two hours, but then my 'mom' got pissy and started yelling at me.

Up until then I had gotten on pretty well with this couple, but once she disconnected the phone, I started to act out. The kids at the orphanage had tricks to 'dropping' fosters. So I started to use the ones they'd taught me and what do you know, revenge and an easy out. So whenever I didn't like a family I'd just put the tricks to use and bingo, I was back at the orphanage.

After a few months I began getting nervous about catching up with Sora, what would I say? Would he be mad? Could I keep up with him? Then a year passed. And then another. Slowly I started to realise that Sora had his own life now and I wasn't in it. In fact there was a possibility I'd never be in his life again. But even after I stopped thinking about trying to get in contact, I still thought of him as my best friend. He was the little boy who had held my hand in his chubby fingers and made my name my own as I cried on his shoulder.

I never thought I would get the chance to go back, so I gave up any hopes I had preserved… I started dropping fosters when I got bored of them until I got adopted by Lee and Maia. They were what I was looking for in a family, although I didn't know it until I met them. However then the war started in school and everything there started to fall apart, as if I was unable to have both family and social happiness at the same time. But Lee and Maia found out accidentally what was happening and pulled me out of the school, they then began preparations to move to the one and only place Lee could get reassigned to in work. I nearly had a panic attack when I found out. I was so unsure whether I wanted to go, unsure whether they'd want me there. But I decided to take the plunge and hope I made it okay. Once I made my decision, we left almost the very next day. And here we were. Driving back to Destiny Islands.

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**!!!r/r people!!!**


	3. Homecoming aka The Cave

WOO**! second third chapter uploaded in one nite, I'm on a ROLL...but then again this is my first fanfic, so mabye i'm not the only one...anyways, i'm pretty darn happy about it! PLEASE R/R! xox**

_Disclaimer: I don't own KH 1/2 or any of its Amazing characters unfortunatley... : (_

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Chapter Two

We eventually came to a bridge after what had seemed like an eternity. The bridge was old stone, with new tarmac coating the road where presumably it had been bare once upon a time. Ivy was thick at its base thinning out as it neared the top, not quite at that point of growth yet. I realised with a jolt that I knew this bridge. I had been here before. As we drove past a slightly rusted sign which read "Welcome to the South Destiny Islands" I felt a shiver ripple down my back. I hadn't realised we were this close. We'd been "nearly there now" for three hours, so I'd stopped paying attention whenever Lee said it, as he'd raised the false alarm so many times already. It was so 'boy-who-cried-wolf'.

We crossed the bridge and made it to the road at the end; turning down the side road which led us diagonally right. This road led us to town. Everything seemed the same as it had been the once and only time I'd driven here before. The trees may have been taller now but I didn't see much difference. Maybe it was because they were actually the same height in relation to me, as I had grown too. The one time I'd been here had been here was when I left. I was taken by the only route that led off the Island directly from town, which of course was this one. Memories rushed over me, and as I relived it, everything felt as it had that day. It submerged me in long suppressed emotions which threatened to overwhelm me. But I was older now and I could hold back the tears and act like everything was fine, as I had done so many times before. So I put on a simple and clean expression of pleasant interest in my surroundings, and veiled my eyes as best I could in case they gave me away.

We reached the town just ten minutes latter' and that was when the changes that had taken place during my absence became more apparent. There were small signs of urban decay. Samples of the local taggers stained the occasional wall. There were bits of trash here and there, and more chain-stores and fast-food restaurants dotted in between the little local shops. There were also a few new buildings, and a new statue of some historical figures in the town square (all carrying giant keys, which were kind of weird in my opinion). However, even with these changes, overall it was much the same. The layout was exactly as it had been and it didn't feel that different.

"Has it been altered much?" asked Maia, as though she knew exactly what I'd just been thinking of.

"Not really; kinda…. I guess." I replied, and we lapsed back into our prior companionable silence.

We drove out the other side of town, turning left this time. We headed towards the more residential areas. I wondered how close we were to the beach and to Sora's house.

"What street did you say the house was on?" I asked.

"Thundra terrace."

That was only three streets down from Sora's, and four streets to the beach trail and the little café and restaurant area. We were well situated. But I had decided not to seek Sora out. We'd be in school together anyway, and we were coming to the end of mid-term so it wasn't long now until the return to class. 'I might be in the same classes as him.' I thought. 'Oh my god, what will I say?' I considered the possibilities but then decided if anything was to be said, I'd leave it up to him to say it. He'd always been the first to speak, right from the start.

Finally we turned down the familiar road, and stopped outside number seven in a convenient parking space. The movers had been ahead of us by about half an hour so they were already waiting outside; reading the papers and talking amongst themselves.

"Sorry we're late, just one thing led to another and next thing you know…" Lee trailed off, making a sweeping hand-gesture. The main mover-guy seemed to get it though, and gave us a crinkly-eyed smile, flashing his yellowy teeth.

"Don't worry about it, hardly anyone's ever on time. One family forgot to tell us that they were making a pit stop in their grandparents' house. We ended up staying in the truck all night. Got paid double for our trouble though."

Lee and Mr. Mover-Man laughed at the anecdote; that was the kind of thing that got Lee laughing every time. He loved those kinds of stories.

It was going to take quite a while to move everything in , apparently, so (after I chose out of the two spare rooms which was going to be mine) Lee and Maia let me go out for a walk (making sure I had my cell phone with me and that it was fully charged first. They were pretty good at the whole parenting gig). I left the house as soon as I could, eager to stretch my legs after the drive. I wandered down towards the beach trail, looking around me. Everything had a dreamlike quality, as though I wasn't really there, just imagining it. I reached the café area, and headed for a juice bar. I ordered a Holiday Spritzer with honey (scooping out change from my pocket to pay); sipping the peachy sweet liquid as I headed towards the path that would lead me to the sea. I reached the wooden stairs which led me down to the small harbour and descended them at a leisurely pace (not wanting to slop juice all over myself). I sat on the end of the board way until I finished my drink, then I went and found a trash can. I then walked on towards the fresh water pool, passing a girl with a skipping rope and a guy who was doing some pretty awesome tricks with a soccer ball. I kneeled down at the pools edge, and then reached down. Cupping water in my hands and splashing it on my face, trying to recover from my long journey and wash the remains of the smoothie off my face.

I walked to the side of the pool to the hidden entrance of the same alcove I hid in all those years ago. I was much taller now and it was a little awkward getting in, but once I managed the ceilings were high and I could move around easily. I walked towards the main chamber but stopped on its threshold; hidden in shadow. There was a boy (who seemed to be around my age) there already. He was sitting on the ground with his back to me. His knees were up, his feet crossed and his arms looped around his shins, holding them in place and giving him support. His head was bent forward and his shoulders were a little slumped, his hair a mass of gravity defying spikes.

An unknown amount of time passed. I didn't dare move; I didn't make a sound, barely breathing. I don't know how he realised he wasn't alone anymore but his back suddenly straightened and he angled himself so he was looking straight at me. As I saw his face my breath caught in my throat, stopping completely for a moment. The boy's face was familiar but still somehow unknown to me. I knew it _was_ Sora almost instantly, but his features had changed. They were older, and (blushing slightly as I thought it) …he had gotten kind of hot. His eyes were almost the same, but somehow seemed more piercing and gave the impression he had grown, and was wiser than before. They showed signs of sadness for a fleeting moment, and I wondered what he had been thinking about before he'd realised my presence, but they suddenly became guarded and …a little shocked? I wondered whether my face was as veiled by the shadow as I thought, I didn't want him to analyse my expression as I analysed his. So I turned away: running for the exit.

"Wait!" he cried. And my stomach did a flip as my heart started working overtime. For a split second I had nearly done what he asked and stopped. Luckily I kept my self in check and sprinted out, hurtling to the little shack past the pool.

I closed the door, and landed heavily on the floor. I leaned back on the wall, letting myself catch my breath for a minute, and then twisted round to look out the cracks in between the planks, that made up the hut, to see Sora running out of the alcove. He stopped for moment looking around to try and work out which way I'd gone and quickly hurried off towards the steps which led away from the beach. I relaxed and closed my eyes as the danger of being caught faded away. Had he recognised me? If he did; what would that mean? Why had I run? The questions swirled around in my head. I couldn't answer any of them. Why _had_ I run? All I knew was that I had a gut feeling in that moment that told me to get as far away as possible. I wasn't ready. Simple as that.

Eventually I opened my eyes and went back through the door. I had no idea how long I'd been in the alcove or spent on the floor of the shack, but it had been long enough for the sun to have moved a noticeable amount of distance in the sky. I glanced at my cell phone, and it agreed with that conclusion. It was nearly time to be back at the house. So I started to make my way in the right direction. Leaving the beach behind I ascended the steps, up past the untended overgrowth which had developed.

I untied the hoodie I had wrapped around my waist and put it on as a cool breeze tickled past me. The exhaustion of the day began to take its toll and my eyelids were beginning to struggle to stay open just as I reached the steps to the porch of the new house. The movers were gone. Furniture had been distributed in the various rooms I walked past, huddled behind towers of brown cardboard boxes. I went into the kitchen to find Maia in a chair, and Lee making a pot of coffee.

"Hello darling, have a nice wander round? See anyone you know?" Maia inquired in a friendly manner, a welcoming smile on her face which made the place seem more like it was ours.

"You could say that." I replied cryptically. I yawned loudly, stretching out my arms in front of me.

"Sounds like someone should go to bed early." Maia commented.

"After some coffee." I requested.

"The caffeine will give you a buzz and you'll take forever getting to sleep. I think you should skip the coffee and go to bed…Come on; you'll have a headache tomorrow. Who wants a headache on the last day of there mid-term break?" Lee reasoned.

I pursed my lips together tight as I thought about it. He made sense….damn it.

"Okay, no coffee." I said, defeated. "Night guys."

"Goodnight Kairi."

"Sweet dreams hon."

"Same to you." I called back over my shoulder, heading for the stairs.

I trooped up to my new room in the converted attic. I thought through all the rooms I'd called my own and decided this was my favourite. Well, it was all blank white walls and varnished floor-boards, but I had free licence to give it whatever personality I wanted. Anyway, though it was plain in decoration right now, it was spacious with potential, and out the windows I could see the ocean and the town. I paced around from one end to the other, testing it out I guess, or getting the feel of it… whatever you wanted to call it. After a minute or two I decided we'd get on like a house on fire, 'Or room on fire' I thought. Good thing no-one was around, because that was one of the worst puns I'd ever thought of.

I went over to the boxes marked 'CLOTHES' and started taking out my stuff and putting it all in the wardrobes by my door and the chest of drawers beside my bed. It didn't take too long. It was all folded and organised by categories box by box. When I was finished I took a pair of pyjama bottoms and an old baggy T-shirt I had set aside, and my wash-bag from a sports-bag that I'd thrown a load of essentials into (such as make-up, CDs, books, and chocolate). Then I went on to the small landing my room opened on to. It was connected to stairs to the lower floors, and doors which led into a tiny bathroom, and the guestroom. I went into the bathroom and got ready for bed. As I came out I left my clothes from today in a pile by the stairs in absence of a laundry basket.

Finally, I climbed under my duvet into my bed which was directly opposite the door. I stared at the ceiling, _my_ ceiling. I smiled. Then my thoughts returned to Sora. I wondered why he had been sitting in the cave all alone like that. Was something wrong? I remembered the look on his face as he turned around and decided that yes; something was definitely wrong. He had looked so sad and torn about something I could only guess about. It was so frustrating. I wondered what would have happened if I'd stayed, would I have found out? But really, what right did I have to know what he was thinking. I doubted that we were still what you could call "friends" anymore. He was just some one I knew a long, long time ago. I frowned at the thought; the old gloom flaring up at the thought. I didn't know Sora. And he didn't know me. We'd become strangers.

Suddenly, this house didn't seem as homey as it had earlier on. Destiny Islands was foreign to me, and I to it. I wondered if I could ever belong here again, if I could really live like I had before here. 'Kairi, you're being a drama queen.' I thought. I took a deep breath and tried to dispel the unsettling thoughts. Why wouldn't I be welcomed back? I knew I had changed, but I doubted anyone wouldn't give me a chance to see if the changes were a good thing or not. I was the same person after all, just five years older. And really I was quite a good person. Sure, I'd acted out and played the Anti-Christ in the past, but that was just because I wasn't happy and whenever I didn't want to be a foster family's new pet. I was a human being after all. I _hated_ being objectified. And actually, I hadn't acted like that since I got sent back to the children's home after my last pair of fosters.

'No one will judge you for being yourself.' I thought. It was one of my old councillor's mottos. 'Think positive' was another, along with: 'If you believe, you can achieve, and then you'll succeed.' But none of these little sayings made the slightest difference in my old school. The people there hated me, apparently, for who I was. In fact, I'd taken a huge hit to my confidence after that. I hadn't told Lee and Maia, I wasn't the type to share and care that kind of stuff. I loathed talking about "How I was Really Feeling." In truth, I wasn't feeling to swell. I was pretty sure I was bottling up emotions, but I didn't know how to stop, and I felt like I needed to cry almost constantly…though what for I had no idea.

I ignored all these thoughts though. I just shut my eyes and tried to focus on the wonders of an amazingly comfortable double bed, coupled with the cosiness of a new down duvet. I snuggled further into the bed, and felt the lovely warmth it provided around me. It was all going to be okay. Everything was fine, why shouldn't it be? I swatted away the opposition I could provide, and tried to be ignorant of my own arguments which fought against that question. I thought about Lee and Maia. They wouldn't let anything bad happen. They'd make sure everything was going to be fine. I was being melodramatic and over-reacting. I took a deep breath and tried to get to sleep.

But I couldn't help the panicked feeling brewing in my stomach as I drifted off into a twisted net of dreams.

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READ AND REVIEW TIME!!!: D...come on, you know you wanna!


	4. Mystery in a Bush

**Heya people, Here's Chapter three, after only a day's wait! Go me! LoL! its much longer, and there's little mysterys in it. I do hope you enjoy!**

**_This is dedicated to my only three reviewers so far; tebayo26 for giving me my first ever review/favourite. Bexmar for all the honesty and help, and last (but not least) Akio-Chan SoT for the 5/5 and the advice for sprusing up the old summary (which used to be crap, Thank you bexmar again for pointing that out!)_**

_Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts 1/2 or any of square enix's characters... :(_

_R&R...Please? It gives me a real hyper active high!_

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Chapter Three

When I opened my eyes it took me a second to connect the dots as to where I was. Once I'd figured it out, I scrunched my sky-blue eyes then blinked a few times to try and clear them from their sleepy haze. I was reluctant to get up and leave the cosy cocoon that was my bed. Eventually though, I brought myself to sit up. Stretching out my arms in a very cliché early morning gesture. Maybe it was cliché for a reason.

I looked out the closest window to see the sun already high in the sky. What time was it? I reached for my cell (which was resting on a pile of small cardboard boxes that were acting as a make-shift bedside table). Half twelve, well not precisely, but who cared? I groaned slowly, collapsing back onto my pillows. I was going to be screwed tomorrow morning when I'd be waking up way earlier; it wasn't even funny. I worked up the energy and heaved myself out of bed. The earth's gravitational pull seemed to be much stronger today, or was I just that lazy and lethargic? 'Probably the later' I thought to myself.

I rooted in one of the half-empty boxes which littered my room and found an old pair of ugg boots which I used as slippers. I then shuffled over to my bedroom door. I headed for the bathroom and got my self together so I didn't look like as much of a bedhead as I had previously. I put on some basic make-up and eyeliner; I liked cosmetics as they made me feel like there was a mask between me and the rest of the world, as though it challenged people to try and differentiate between my looks and my mind. Hardly anyone ever passed the test, but it was a good judge of character; it showed how strongly people associated people's looks with the type of people they were. I mean, sure I might wear black one day and dress like an emo, but the next day I could just as likely be wearing an Abercrombie t-shirt and baby pink lip-gloss looking like a prep. This kind of thing seemed to completely throw people off, as though I had a third eye smack in the middle of my forehead. Many seemed downright shocked. It was one of the many random things I got a real kick out of it; it was hilarious.

I was in an arty mood today, so I put on a vintage beige and black RAMONES tee (which depicted the band leaning against a wall and a date for a gig in CBGB's; their logo absent). I threw on a kaki-brown skirt adorned with creamy wild flowers at its base which matched perfectly, and some co-ordinating shoes. So what if I looked slightly dressy, if someone was touchy about something like that I'd seriously just laugh in their face. What a stupid thing to get worked up about.

I skipped down the stairs, energy slowly returning to its normal level. I went into the kitchen for some breakfast. Maia was there already (unsurprisingly), a piece of toast in one hand, and a cup of tea in the other.

"Morning hon. Sleep okay?"

"Wonderfully, thank you. Where's Lee?"

"He's gone, starting work already. Poor thing's got a headache to top it all off. He couldn't get to sleep last night for ages; ended up coming down and unpacking a few more boxes until he was tired enough."

Ha! Served him right, the filthy hypocrite! "_Caffeine will give you a buzz and you'll take forever getting to sleep_… _You'll have a headache tomorrow. Who wants a headache?..._ _You should skip the coffee and go to bed…"_

"Idiot…" I muttered.

"Hmm?"

"When do you start your new job?" I asked, altering the subject slightly.

"I've got an extra week."

"Stinger on Lee." I commented with a half-smirk.

"What?" Maia asked, raising a perfectly plucked eyebrow.

"You know…like _burn_! Or whatever…" I explained putting bread in the toaster.

"Oh right." She said; clearly not understanding and turning back to her coffee.

I waited for the toast to pop, drumming my fingers against the counter top for something to do.

"So, what's the story for today?"

"Well_ you _are going to help me unpack and then we're _both _going to make sure that everything's ready for tomorrow."

I wrinkled my nose. _School_. I was way too nervous to be the slightest bit excited and it had nothing to do with all the people I didn't know. I wasn't shy in the least.

"Fun!" I stated in a grim voice, turning back to the toaster. This toast was taking _forever_.

"Hey! Look on the Brightside; you'll get to catch up with what's-his-face and what's-his-name."

"Sora and Riku?"

"Yeah, them! I mean that has to make up for moving in late!"

She'd completely missed the point. She thought I was anxious about being put in when the first term had already started. 'Who cares about that?' I thought 'Making a dramatic entrance is hardly the end of the world. I mean I'm not going to be all "_Oh NO! I've drawn attention to myself!"_.' However I decided to take advantage of Maia's utter clueless-ness. I turned smiling a false but flawless smile.

"I guess you're right. I was just over-reacting is all."

"Well, what else am I here for? I mean that's part of what being a parent is all about right? Stopping your kid from freaking out about stupid things and calming them down." She smiled back, oblivious as to what I was really worried about. Finally the toast was ejected and I started to munch away at it. Then I and Maia headed to the sitting room and started distributing and organising the many stacked books lying about the floor.

I thought back on our conversation. If there was one thing I was good at, it was making friends fast. Unfortunately this wasn't always a good thing. Sometimes I didn't stop to consider whether these 'friends' were people I wanted as 'friends'. I'd had more then my fair share of idiots, bitches, tools, scumbags, control freaks, and over-needy-near-stalkers. This quick-friend syndrome was something I'd put down to being moved around a lot. And my lack of consideration of the assorted candidates? I had a theory about that too. It was possible that I had (sub-consciously) stopped thinking that any relationships I formed (from the moment I got into the car to the orphanage when I was ten, right up until the day Lee and Maia adopted me) wouldn't last that long. I mean; most of my memorable life I had been like the present in a game of pass-the-parcel. That's bound to have an effect on a person. Anyway, I was going to have to watch these things more carefully from tomorrow, seeing as my first attempt to have long term friends did _not_ turn out so great.

As we worked we talked about trivial little things. Conversing for the sake of conversation. Working in silence, Maia seemed to feel, was impossibly dull and she couldn't stand it (when there was no-one to talk to she'd put on music and sing along at the top of her voice). So, instead of concentrating fully on the task at hand, we discussed in depth topics such as the placement of the washing machine in the kitchen, and whether or not the guest room should go jade and beige. But I got what Maia was trying to do. We were bonding with utter disregard of subject matter at an alarming-yet-pleasant rate. Maia's mind, I imagined, was like a Monet painting of the French countryside: It held this wonderful timeless and beautiful warmth, vibrant and colourful. She was a caring and kind person, and we had established a well balanced unique relationship. She wasn't prying and knew when to leave me in peace and when to talk to me; as though she had the stage cues written on her hand beside her mother-of-pearl-faced wrist-watch. I loved her as I imagined other kids loved their mothers.

Slowly, we managed to finish the books that were for that room, and started hanging up pictures on the walls, and setting ornaments on the mantelpiece. The sitting room was one of the few rooms Maia didn't want to go all interior decorator on. In truth she _was_ an architect, and I could see how the two careers could be interconnected; but she was really planning to go all out. Almost every room was getting an extreme make over. However I saw how I could get a dream room out of her decorating blitz, so I was all for it.

We finished the sitting room by five o'clock.

"Hey! Darling?" Maia called from the kitchen. I was sitting on the couch doing nothing.

"Yeah?"

"We're in desperate need of groceries; I'm going to pop into town to stock up. Do you wanna come with me?"

I considered it for a moment, but what I really wanted was a walk. A walk free from everything but my thoughts.

"No, I think I might go for a walk. Revisit the old haunts and what not."

Actually I had no intention of 'revisiting the old haunts' as the last one I revisited contained someone I wasn't ready to see yet, though I was unsure why that was.

"Okay, suit yourself. Anything you want?"

"Nope I'm fine."

"Right; don't forget your-"

"-cell phone. I know!"

"Just making sure, I'll see you later. Be back by half seven; eight at the _very_ latest."

"Bye Maia"

"Bye Kairi"

I went and got my phone and a light jacket; checking I had my new keys before closing the door behind me. As soon as I got past our gate, I started wandering in no particular direction, not really paying attention to where I was. I just needed to get out…you know? It was mild out, warm even, yet my hands wouldn't admit it. They insisted on staying freezing. I intertwined my fingers, clasping my hands together, as I usually did when I felt uneasy. This evening I just felt cold. I thought about the odd habit, wondering where it originated from and why it was so comforting. I knew there was a reason, but it was like trying to remember the hazy details of a long forgotten dream.

I kept trying to place the gesture's origin. As I focused on the thought, I started paying even less attention to my whereabouts, my surroundings vague to me without concentration to back up what I was seeing. However soon I gave up completely. I was frustrated with my incapability to remember the starting point of one of my only habits. When I gave up on the pursuit of fleeting memories, as I had done many times before, I looked around. Suddenly I was paralysed by the surprise of the force in my subconscious which had brought me to this place. I was standing at the gate to Sora's house. I couldn't think properly. Some part of my brain was most likely having spasms due to a malfunction caused by shock. Pure. Undiluted. Shock. Slowly I managed to blink a few times. My mind was telling me to leg it, yet my legs were somehow immobilised.

And then I started to hear approaching footsteps and low voices coming from somewhere about two streets away.

The sound of this seemed to re-start my heart and get it pumping triple time in half a second. What was I doing here? Why had I come? What had taken me to this place? And what the _hell_ had happened to _staying away_ from old haunts? I couldn't make out all the questions flowing through my mind at that moment, they deafened all other thoughts. But soon even the questions were washed away as a tsunami of memories beat down on me. I recollected almost every visit I had made to this house in about two minutes. But pieces were missing, some of the most important pieces. The pieces that told me about the very last time I had been here. I couldn't summon it up. Why was I having so much trouble with my memory tonight? Obviously I was having vague echoes of my amnesia; I grimaced at the thought.

The once distant voices that had brought me back from my original shock were growing louder. The whole neighbourhood was entirely quiet, no cars drove down the streets, so it was easy to hear them, though their words were indistinct. Sora's house was at the bottom end of the short road though, and the voices were coming from the top. Besides, the old gnarled oak tree was still firmly in place on his lawn, and I was hidden in shadows. I seemed to be hiding in shadow a lot lately…how odd. I stood there, staring at the house, not yet troubled by whoever was coming for a minute or two I was my normal self again. However, when I heard them round the corner I looked round. And though when their presence had first become know to me it had restarted my heart, when I saw who one of them was, it stopped all over again.

Sora and some random blonde guy (who was talking on a cell phone) were walking towards me at a leisurely pace. The blonde was chatting away, Sora was bored. But suddenly he started to look up; alert as though searching around as though trying to find something vitally important. This was sooo not good. If I wasn't careful he'd find me. But I didn't have a way to _be_ careful. I was hiding in shadow on _his _lawn; temporarily heartless (due to it seemingly vanishing as a result of shock) and immersed in darkness (he couldn't _actually_ see me; could he?). The instant I decided to peg it round the corner as fast as I could was the instant he found me, or at least my outline in the darkness. For a half minute, neither of us moved. We were completely still. The blonde however kept walking, but he was no longer accompanied. Sora was glued to the spot, seemingly deciding something. Though other emotions may have flicked through his eyes, I was too far to see them. His piercing gaze bore into me; I couldn't seem to tear my eyes away. How he could find me, exactly where I was, in all the thick shadow and the now-near twilight, I hadn't got a clue. But he did. He looked at me directly, and he seemed to know he was looking at someone's eyes. I just hoped he didn't know _whose _eyes they were. But then the contact was shattered by the blonde; who, by mistake, managed to free me, though completely clueless as to my existence.

"Sora? Hello?" he said, having just got off the phone and realised Sora wasn't by his side anymore.

This slight distraction was all I needed. Our eye-contact faltered slightly and I immediately turned round and started to run, glad I was wearing light shoes, as they barely made a sound. But someone else's footsteps were much, _much _louder behind me. I didn't have to guess who was pursuing me.

"SORA! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU GOING?"

But still he ran after me. however, I was still quite a bit ahead and managed to hurl myself round a corner and into a bush before he got on to there. It was really quite painful, but unfortunately necessary. From my hiding place I could see utter confusion and disbelief flit across his face.

"Jesus Sora!" The blonde had caught up. "WHAT was _that_ for?"

"Roxas, did you just…did- never mind, I must be loosing it! That's the second time in two days I've seen her."

Roxas (who looked uncannily like Sora in some _weird _way) seemed really confused at this statement. He then scanned the empty street; no doubt looking for the 'her' Sora was talking about. Then he began to look worried for Sora's mental health, giving him a freaked-out side-glance.

"Who're you talking about? I don't see anybody!"

"Exactly; I'm loosing it!"

"What are you talking about?"

"Okay, yesterday I was in the alcove…you know mulling everything over about Olette and Riku… and I had this weird feeling…"Sora trailed off. Roxas seemed confused, and now I was too. What happened between this Olette person and Riku? Why had both Roxas and Sora flinched at the mention of her name? But I didn't get time to come up with an explanation of what that portion of the conversation was about.

"What kind of weird feeling?" Roxas pressed on, looking at Sora suggestively.

"Not that kind of feeling you sick weirdo. Is that _all_ you think about?"

"Yes," Roxas smirked "but go on…explain, before I get anymore ideas."

"It felt like…like Kairi was there. I- I don't know how to explain it. It was like gut-instinct or something but… I dunno. Then I looked around, and I saw her in the shadows. She was right there in the darkness and I reached out and then she was gone. I ran after her but there was no one there on the beach I knew, so I ran up to the plaza but I couldn't see her anywhere. I was _so_ sure she was there… And then when you were on the phone I got the feeling again, so I looked around and I thought I saw her again; standing under the tree. I thought she was there; I was _looking_ at her and then….then she wasn't. So I ran. I was sooo sure she was running just a second or two ahead of me but now…. I don't know… I must finally be cracking."

"You've been hallucinating about some-girl -"

"My best friend." Sora interrupted him. My stomach did a flip at that. "Or my old best friend… I don't know anymore …"

"Sora, she hasn't talked to you in like…four and a half years. I mean, that's before Olette got here. That's before I arrived. That is before the whole damn-" He looked for the right word for a second, clearly agitated "_War_ even _happened_!!! I mean, if you keep thinking of Kairi as your best friend, you're just keeping yourself even _further_ back in the past. You were _friends_ with_ Riku_ back then!" he said; spitting out the last part as though it was crude and obscene.

"Roxas; I know the difference between the past and the future. No, I'm not…_over_ what happened, but I'm not obsessed with it…well not that much… and anyway Kairi had nothing to do with any of it. I think it might just be delayed grief or something…."

_The War... Olette... What happened…Grief…?_ None of it made sense to me. What_ had_ happened? Why was it such a drastic thing to think of Riku as a friend? My mind was struggling to keep up with all these references. What the hell was going on?

"Okay, whatever… Let's go back to your's and, I dunno, do _something_ else." Roxas finally replied, discarding the subject. He seemed defeated. _About what?_ Well there was _no way_ I knew the answer to that one either.

They finally left, and I managed to untangle myself from the bushes and undergrowth I'd been lying in. My skirt was wrecked, and I had scratches on my thighs and upper arms, and one on the back of my right hand (no one would notice them tomorrow though; they looked easy enough to cover). My hair was full of twigs and bits of shrubbery, and my jacket was muddy and grass-stained. In short; I was a mess.

I started to run down the road; as I was going to be on the latter end of Maia's recommended curfew if I didn't.I wasn't going back down Sora's street but continuing on the one I was on instead. I began to think over all I had heard. If I had been confused this morning, it was _**nothing**_ to how I was now. But something had changed, however slightly, in that I was now somewhat anxious to start school. I was eager to try unravelling the story of the war.

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** note 1: If you're curious about the what happened to Kairi, for a vague summary look at my profile and read from where i start talking about 'indy cindy'. I'm basing alot of kair off of me...though some of it is just her... i'm not saying which bits are her and which bits are me.**

**note 2:Can anyone guess who started this little habit? **

**Okay, also i generally am trying to stick in echoes of the game, hopefully that's coming through, but i dunno...**

**HOW ABOUT EVERYONE READS IT AND REVIEWS IT AND THEN TELLS ME?:D SOUNDS LIKE FUN!**


	5. Hurt

**READ AND REVIEW READ AND REVIEW READ AND REVIEW READ AND REVIEW READ AND REVIEW!!!**

**Heya Everyone! Chapter 4 WOOO!!! okay, okay settle down now... this one is a tad depressing...well actually its Really depressing...Its sora's POV and he has changed from "the little boy who held Kairi's hand in his chubby fingers and made her name her own as she cried on his shoulder"... and then some. Poor boy, he has been through ALOT... what has he been through you ask? sorry but its really his story to tell, and i don't think he's ready to tell it... its got him pretty messed up, though he won't show anyone what's building up in side... Uh-oh... but he does give us a few hints in this one so be on the look out. This is going to get complicated...maybe not this chapter (i think) but ALOT HAS HAPPENED as i said before, and Kairi (who we've been with so far) has no clue whats been going on... her and Sora lost contact remember.. How does he feel about that? you ask, well read on... that he does reveal...**

**Read and review please :D**

**Oh IF YOU HAVE NOT HEARD 'HURT' BY JOHNNY CASH YOU MAY WANT TO LISTEN TO IT TO UNDERSTAND EXACTLY WHAT SORA'S THINKING THROUGHOUT THIS... : (**

**R&R**

_Disclaimer: i do not own Kingdom Hearts (one or two), i also do not own Johnny Cash's corpse or music or his copyrights for hurt... and i dont' own apple's iPod either... :(_

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Chapter Four

_Sora_

Roxas eventually went home. I was dropping hints for what seemed like forever before he caught on. _Idiot_. But he was still my friend no matter how slow he sometimes was… 'My best friend?' I wondered to myself. I collapsed on my bed closing my eyes. Kairi was gone. She'd been gone for five years. I had to stop thinking of her as my best friend and I had to stop feeling guilty for not finding a way to keep her on the Islands. It had been my fault though; I couldn't lie to myself about it. It was my stupid idea to give up. I didn't hide her like I had when she first came. I knew that would just fall to pieces. I was a little older then I had been when the problem first arose. I was old enough to know that putting her in hiding again wasn't a solution. That it would be obvious I knew where she was. It would have been clear she was still around. She would have been found. It had taken me two years afterwards to realise this. But more and more time had passed, and I hadn't come up with a reason why I hadn't fought harder then I had for her to stay. And this was what had pushed her so far away from me. I hadn't done enough. It was obvious Kairi had realised this too when I tried to talk to her. She sounded… _distracted _when I had gotten through to her. Like her thoughts were elsewhere. But still we talked and talked…. until she hung up abruptly, with no goodbyes. That was when I knew for sure that she blamed me as much as I blamed myself. _It was my entire fault…and now she was gone. And Olette was gone too. It was my entire fault. I hadn't tried to fight properly for either of them… I hadn't fought for Riku either, and he was probably just as lost to me now…_ If I had fought harder to stop Kairi being sent away five years ago, she'd have been fine, and so would Olette. I had no idea if Kairi was okay or even alive; but I knew I had caused the tears she had left streaking the back of my shirt, and I knew I had given her false hope and a false home… and I had no one other then myself to blame.

_And Riku._

Riku was _definitely _responsible for Olette ('But not entirely' I thought)… he didn't fight for Kairi either…. But even so; _it was all connected to me, every last bit of it_. I put everything in motion by letting Kairi down, letting her go… I didn't help Olette when I could have, I didn't make everything stop and I didn't save her.

I took a deep breath and reached over to my bedside table for my iPod. I put on the head phones, and flicked down to the song that described so many of the thoughts rushing through my head, I swallowed hard as Johnny Cash's '_Hurt' _began to play full volume in my ear, drowning out the deafening silence.

_I hurt myself today  
To see if I still feel  
I focus on the pain  
The only thing that's real  
The needle tears a hole  
The old familiar sting  
Try to kill it all away  
But I remember everything  
_

Once upon a time (well; actually not that long ago) I had done this kind of thing with a needle almost on the regular, though no one knew. I felt numb and it was my solution. The _hurt_ was my solution. I needed something…some kind of emotion that could distract me from the gaping hole that ached more and more; day after day in the pit of my stomach. I could clearly see all the mistakes I had made. They seemed so obvious to me I couldn't believe I hadn't understood what I was doing wrong in the first place. But I hadn't. And I couldn't deal with it; how _blind_ I had been…. I couldn't deal with the regret, and the guilt, and the _emptiness_… the terrible emptiness…

_  
What have I become  
My sweetest friend  
Everyone I know goes away  
In the end _

Kairi. Olette. Riku. They had all left in their different ways. But each time was just as bad as the one before. And it had changed me. I knew it had. Though I tried to hide it from the people around me, I guess they probably saw the difference in my eyes, or my gestures, or my false smiles, or even the tone of my voice from day to day. I didn't know who I was anymore. I pretended I was whoever I had been before (though he was a stranger to me these days). But this conflict of self- love and loathing raged inside me slashing me to pieces. I ignored it most of the time. I denied I was anything but fine. I kept it all inside, but I wanted so badly to let all my feelings erupt. I didn't know how though… I knew I was bottling it up. I knew I felt the tears that I couldn't cry. But I couldn't release any of the raw emotions, which overwhelmed me, and caused me so much anguish. And I never wanted any one to see the pain. It would hurt whoever cared about me in any way; and that would just be another form of screwing up… and then the people I didn't know? I couldn't have anyone seeing some weak kid break down. It was pathetic. I was _not _an emo. I was…. I was something else….though what exactly I didn't know…

_  
And you could have it all  
My empire of dirt_

And yet no one seemed to see what a horrible person I was. No one could see it was my fault in anyway. I was still popular…whatever that was. I was still one of the 'coolest' people in school. It disgusted me. For this reason I lost complete respect for what most of my peers thought was 'cool_'. _If I thought something was interesting I'd see what it was like. But I never listened to what the general student populace thought. They were stupid. They didn't get how I had caused so much pain. They still supported me, acting like sight-less sheep. It was sick how clueless they were… totally naïve…totally defenseless from reality…

_  
I will let you down  
I will make you hurt_

Again I thought of how many of my friends' lives I had irreversibly changed for the worst. Riku, Olette, Hayner and Pence, Roxas, Tidus, Selphie…

Kairi was probably better off without me once I thought of it like this… but it still didn't make it any better… I missed her… 

I wear this crown of thorns  
upon my liar's chair  
Full of broken thoughts  
I cannot repair 

Crowned as one of the most popular people in school because of ignorance. Ignorance so powerful it might as well have been deceit. And I couldn't even think about any of the past events (that so many people thought I was the tragic hero because of). When other people were around in case I broke; my misery would immediately get sucked into their stupid gossip mill. I couldn't cope with it. But I couldn't make everything right. I couldn't fix everything I had ruined.

_  
Beneath the stains of time  
the feelings disappear_

And as time moved on, the numbness was returning. I had stopped hurting myself when I realized it would probably be harder for me to deal with if I did; if I got rid of the release… and I deserved to suffer for my part in the tangled mess of the past few years. So I gave myself to the numbness. I did nothing to try and feel anything other then the regret and the mass of emotion that came chained to it. This trapped me in my haze of agony. As time moved slowly by, it was as though I didn't move on with it; as though I was caught in a moment for eternity.

_  
You are someone else_

'Kairi is a stranger now… you don't know her' I reminded myself. She was unknown.; I didn't have a clue what she was like. I considered myself… how I had been the last time I saw her. Ten years old, innocent, hopeful for whatever was in my future… I was a dreamer… a cute little kid with stars in my eyes. I could hardly believe I had ever been like that. And if I had changed so much, Kairi was most likely a completely different person… my hallucinations of her were just a reflection of this realization (as I had twice imagined Kairi before me, grown to the age she would be in real life…and as beautiful as she would probably be too). However the delusions of Kairi were doubtlessly a sign that I was finally loosing my grasp on the grimness of reality, soon to slip into the calm surrealism of whatever would take me then (an eventuality I longed for secretly; to be able to dream again. Or better yet to live in my own fantasy of dreams).

_  
I am still right here_

I didn't deserve to be the one still standing. I knew that. I should have ended it… but that would destroy my parents. It would destroy the hope that my friends found in me. Hope I had discarded which they somehow had as long as I was around… the friends that were still here with me… the friends I sometimes wished were other people instead….

_  
What have I become  
My sweetest friend  
Everyone I know goes away  
In the end  
And you could have it all  
My empire of dirt  
I will let you down  
I will make you hurt _

If I could start again  
A million miles away  
I would keep myself  
I would find a way 

If I had never been around, wouldn't that have been so much better for everyone I had known? Kairi would never have been through the pain of putting down roots just to have them ripped up again after so little time…. Riku wouldn't have done what he did, he wouldn't have been with me when it all started, he wouldn't have even been in the school to make it happen… and Olette would still be so optimistic and happy, she would've made every one of her dreams happen, she wouldn't have given up on everyone, she would have left like that….

As the last chords strummed and the song ended I wished for a teardrop to roll down my cheek. I wanted a sign that I was still human, and that I wasn't as _heartless_ as I must have been to have let all of it happen. I desperately wished that I was still capable of crying…but no tears came. I smiled at how stupid I was to think I would, the smile didn't reach my eyes; I could feel how detached it was from me… in fact I doubted it really resembled a smile, but no one was around so I had no reactions to judge what it showed.

I got ready for bed early. School started tomorrow, I was dreading it. But then again if there was no school I would still dread tomorrow. I dreaded every day. However, I guess school was worse then no school. Even though I had distractions in school and I could hurl myself into work, there was no escape from the glances of everyone I walked by in the hallways, or the moments I was nearby Riku (or he was nearby me), or all the reminders of the past…

It took me a long time to settle into a numbed and dreamless sleep. A sleep I never wanted to wake from…

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Hmm... it seems to take me longer to update the less reviews I get... HMMM... coughhintcough come on now... 

Oh and no i don't actually think Roxas was an idiot, he was probly just trying to keep Sora company as long as possible... He was _worried_ about him, cuz he's an amasing friend and a wonderful person who is just plain amazers (see LLL in my profile for an explaination of that- I now have a table of contents)...oooo and what did you think of the song? did it fit in or what?

HOPE YOU LIKED IT!!! xoX-iHeartSureal-Xox : D R&R


	6. Return aka Losing my Mind

**Hello everyone! Okay, um...notes on this chapter...well, Kairi and Sora are in the same room together and they both know the other is real (well actually...maybe not...) Oh and there's another newbie in the class...hmmmm... yup this is kinda uneventful, but i'm starting Chapter Six right after this so don't worry:D READ AND REVIEW!!!! i would hold the next chapter hostage...but unfortunately, i feel that this chapter is more like a pre-chapter...a nessacary stepping stone if you will... but there are some good points..."By this point my heart was behaving like Animal from'The Muppets' on acid; it had gone completely mental...jumping around like Tom Cruise on a couch"... personally i like it! but i dont know...oh and there are charater's birthday's up for grabs...which reminds me :**

**I'm dedicating this chapter to my two new reviewers: lebrezie; whoes plot-line prediction was really enjoyable and i have also given her Roxas's Birthday. I'm sorry if i was tactless or something... i was replying to you at like three in the morning irish-time and i honestly cant remeber what i said, sorry if i caused offence!!! oh and Jynxer120 for all our lists and your amazing review WOOOO!!! oh and Bexmar i'm sorry i havn't been in contact with you in a while, so this is partially dedicated to you for our super long emails...sorry the beta thing didnt seem to work for me, im just too damn impatient... oh well LoL! **

_Disclaimer: I do not own kh1/2 or the muppets or little miss sunshine etc. _

**R&R&R&R&R&R&R&R&R&R&R&R&R&R&R&R&R&R&R&R&R&R&R&R&R&R&R&R&R&R&R&R&R&R&R&R&R&R**

so without further ado, i present Chapter 5!!!YAY!!!

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Chapter Five

_Kairi_

I vaguely remember some kind of interruption to my sleep in the form of a 'bugle-call' ringtone coming from my phone, but I think I somehow managed to turn it off (how is an absolute mystery to me, seeing as I can barely remember it happening in the first place). Anyway, Lee was prepared for this (he was my ride seeing as he had work and was getting up at the same time as me). He came in and opened all my windows (I was still blissfully unaware of his presence due do still being asleep) and then coming over to my bed and pulling away my duvet. His plan worked.

"Amphgruhuhah!" Was basically the sound that escaped my mouth as the cool morning breeze hit me. Lee of course found this hilarious and started laughing as I curled up in a ball and rubbed at my eyes, clearing them from the sleep which still clung to my eyelashes. At the sound of his amusement I sat bolt upright. Scowling I grabbed a pillow and threw it at him with pretty decent aim for a girl who had just been so rudely awoken. My aim however was still not up to scratch and he easily caught the feathery missile and sent it in the general direction of my head. I was too groggy to deflect it or even shield myself properly so it was right on target.

"LEE! I SWEAR TO GOD WAS _ANY_ OF THAT TRULY _NESACARY_???" I yelled, annoyance colouring my tones.

"Not really, but it was _truly_ hilarious." He grinned "Amphgruhuhah! I like it…has a kind of ring to it, you know?"

I narrowed my eyes.

"But don't start yelling again, Maia is still asleep and I'd like to her remain that way"

"_I'd _like _myself_ to remain that way _too_ actually! Give. Me. My. Duvet!" I said through clenched teeth.

"Well aren't we just 'Little Miss Sunshine' in the mornings?" Lee loved this movie and frequently dropped its title into conversations because it reminded him of its 'cinematic charm', as he put it. It got kinda annoying; especially in situations such as this. But he wasn't done. "However, I'm not returning this" He waved the duvet as a bull fighter waved their red cloth, and believe me I knew how the bull felt at that moment, and I was _definitely_ seeing red. But _still _he had more to say.

"_You_ have your first day of school and you are _not_ going to be late; _because_ if you're late then _I'm_ late, and I am _never_ late."

Two things to note at this point would be: one) I had completely forgotten about my first day in all my Lee-inflicted-irritation. And two) I hated the fact that though my fosters _appeared_ to be perfect they weren't. It was _terrible_ when I discovered there dark side…it was_ horrifying_…_disgusting_…they were _**punctual **_in _every_ situation.

"Crap, school!!! Oh my god!!!" I jumped out of bed "Lee! Will you _please_ leave; you've outstayed your welcome, and anyway I need to get dressed." I said, already searching for an acceptable outfit.

"Whatever you want." He smiled, closing the door behind him.

I settled on skinny jeans, a white t-shirt with 'KABOOM' printed across it in the manor of comic book-style graphics, a black cardigan, and black mary-jane flats with white stars scattered across them and bows above the toes. I left my hair down and put on make-up…or fake-up. Same difference. Anyway, I went heavy on the eyes: rimming them with eyeliner, mascara, and black eyeshadow. When I was happy with today's disguise I grabbed my previously-prepared school bag (thanking Maia's ridiculous organisation skills) and rushed down stairs to grab a bite to eat. I somehow managed to cram my five portions of fruit for the day into a bowl and ate it with a yogurt drink and some milk. Have I mentioned my health-freak obsession? I have this habit of ticking off the boxes on the food pyramid as best as I can day by day, and making sure I don't consume _any_ hydrogenated vegetable oil (which is basically vegetable oil that has been cooked to the point of being burnt-solid, and then chucked into a load of snack foods etc. it's so unnatural that your body doesn't know how to deal with it and it clogs up your arteries and whatnot until you die. Gross, right? Anyway, most people don't even care about that stuff… but I do, I don't know why…)

Next thing I knew I was out the front door climbing into Lee's BMW. And that's when it hit me. I was going to school. Sora's school. A school that Sora attended. Panic began to grip me, and I struggled to remain in control. I looked out the window, twisting myself so Lee couldn't see me properly. 'What the _FUCK_ am I going to do!? Oh my good _God_!!! Sora will TOTALLY realise I've been practically _stalking_ him! But he did say I was his best friend… I'M NOT MENT TO KNOW THAT YOU _TOOL_!!! Oh, this is bad…this is _REALLY_ bad. This is _worse_ then bad… this is going to be _awkward_. Oh sooo awkward.' Thoughts fizzed through my head, dispersing the horror of my situation through me like a soluble aspirin. I was, in plain English; fucked. Or (for the censored audience); screwed. And I had no idea what to do. '_Wonderful, just wonderful_'.

"Kairi, you still there?" Lee asked, puzzled.

"Hmm?" I tried to keep my voice at a normal pitch and get rid of the lump of what seemed like pure hysteria climbing up the inside of my throat.

"Are you okay Kairi? You seem a bit… I dunno, _off_ this morning." He replied, a little bit worried by now.

"Nope, I'm fine. Just first day jitters!"

"Oh…right, of course!" he said sounding re-assured.

We were nearly there. I could see the school building. It seemed to release this vibe that carried this feeling of doom along with it (or maybe that was just me). We were coming up to pull in when I realised **SORA** was on the sidewalk _right beside_ the god-damn parking space Lee was headed for. I ducked down as quick as I could.

"You okay Kairi?"

Lee probably thought I was insane at this point.

"Yup, just tying my shoe-laces." I prayed to what ever force out there resulted in the creation of the human race (be it some kind of cosmic-entity, like God, or whatever it was that started the big-bang, therefore science) that Lee wasn't observant enough to notice that I wasn't wearing lace-up shoes this morning. It seemed to work, he didn't question me anyway. It definitely wouldn't have if I got a lift with Maia.

"Oh right, sorry I thought you were throwing-up, or having an episode or something…"

"Nope, I'm fine."

Lee gave me some money to get food later on, and I got out of the car. I could see Sora ahead of me, already making his way through the school gates. So, pulling on my school bag, I started to make my way towards the building. My stomach clenched in a fear-invoked reflex. I kept my head down as I went through the pedestrian gate, focusing on keeping my breathing steady. I was told to check for my first few classes on the timetables scattered on the various school notice boards throughout the different floors. When I had a class with Mr. Hogan (my form teacher) he would give me copy-books, my homework journal, my timetable, and my locker key. Really I was meant to have had a meeting with the principal and Maia and Lee prior to starting in the school. However, due to our arrival on the Islands only being a few days ago, there hadn't been time.

I was nearly at the entrance to the school building now, I'd soon be inside. I took a deep breath as I made it past the doorstep. I hesitated for a moment and then continued on up three steps that lead to a further staircase that went upwards, and a door leading to this floor's hallway. 'Which way should I go?' I pondered. However, I didn't want people to think I was mentally-challenged or something so I headed for the staircase in a manner that oozed confidence. Once up the first flight of stairs there was another door and another staircase. I took my chances with the door this time. As I walked through it, I realised I had seemingly arrived in the right place. The people hanging around the lockers (talking, fighting, rooting for books) all seemed to be my age. I quickly glanced around to see if Sora, or his friend Roxas, were anywhere near. But they weren't. I breathed a sigh of relief and the turned to see a big yellow multi-class timetable. I scanned the different columns for 10R's first class on a Monday. English. A good omen. I loved English. I checked the room. C10. It seemed to say that I had Mr. Hogan for this too. Even more good news, though I didn't have a clue where C10 was. I didn't want to ask for directions though, preferring to keep to myself, so I walked towards the four small steps that led to the classrooms on this floor. Glancing at the doors on my way passed, it seemed that this was the B floor, so I assumed that the next floor was C. I eventually reached another staircase leading upwards as the bell rang. No one was in class yet, so I didn't pay any attention to it.

I climbed up the stairs, walked through the doorway, and saw that I had guessed right. I was on the C floor. I made my way past students queuing outside classrooms, waiting for teachers, until I reached an open door with C10 on its front printed on a silver plaque. I walked in. Many of the other kids were already in here, though I could tell that there were more to come. Mr. Hogan wasn't here yet either. I glanced around, ignoring the curious stares that I received; that was to be expected after all. I saw an empty chair beside a blonde girl who was sitting by herself in one of the back corners. She wasn't staring at me. In fact she seemed to be avoiding looking up at anybody in the room. For this reason I made my way towards her and sat down. At this she looked up, she had an almost worried look in her eye, and her hands were resting (clenched into fists) on the desk. I wasn't that scary, why was she so frightened? I decided to break the ice. Putting on my best fake smile I extended a hand.

"Hi, I'm Kairi. What's your name?"

She took my hand, glancing down as we shook, and then looking up at me again. Her eyes were this beautiful topaz blue, lighter then my own. She smiled weakly at me.

"I'm Naminé. I just moved to town yesterday."

I raised my eyebrows. Thank God I wasn't alone here. This time my smile was genuine.

"Seriously? This is my first day too. I lived here from when I was seven until I was like ten, but I moved. Haven't been back since."

Naminé smiled too.

"Really! Oh my god! That is such a relief!"

I was about to say something when a bunch of people walked in. Sora among them, centre of the pack actually, with Roxas on his right.

I turned towards Naminé, hiding my face from the rest of the room by flicking my hair so that it acted as a curtain between me and the rest of the room. Crap.

"What's wrong?" Naminé look worried.

"Um…well…" What should I say? "You see that boy with the blonde guy on his right?"

"Yeah… the blonde is _cute_." She said laughing; I think she was trying to lighten the mood again or something. I smiled weakly.

"I guess, um… anyway, I kinda knew the brunette beside the blonde a while ago…when I used to live here. And believe me; I am _sure_ that things will get a bit awkward between us."

"Why?"

"It's a long and very complicated story."

"Okay, well sorry to be the one to tell you this, but he's staring at you like he's having cardiac arrest." She said in now hushed tones. "I think the awkwardness just started"

I stole a glance turning round for a split second…well; it was meant to be a split second. As soon as I looked at him I felt this electricity pulsing through my veins. Sora was staring at me, his eyes piercing. And I couldn't look away. It was as though he had some kind of hold over me…it was a little creepy, but I didn't care. We may have been heading for some pretty awkward conversations (if we even got that far), and he may have hated me, but I felt…safe. It was weird…hard to explain…but I felt happy and secure all of a sudden; more so then I had in years. In fact, possibly more then I could ever remember being. It was absurd. It made no sense. But it was true. I smiled a small smile and he returned it, though it seemed there was an edge to his, a level of uncertainty that I couldn't understand. For a moment I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes; hiding behind the smile. My smile faded away. Suddenly I was worried. Was he okay? Was he-… My train of thought was cut of by the sound of the classroom door closing, and our eye contact shattered abruptly as I sat back in my chair. The teacher had arrived and was currently taking off his coat and putting it on the back of the chair as he opened his bag.

"You okay?" Naminé asked.

I nodded, biting my lip.

"What was that? Wait no that's none of my business sorry…but you were staring at each other for like five minutes…"

I looked at her.

"Seriously?"

Naminé nodded. She was wide-eyed with curiosity.

I looked down. This was getting more and more complicated.

"Okay, settle down everyone. Calm yourselves. That's right. Now it seems we have forgotten the seating plan, have we not? Okay, we have two new students don't we….Kairi and Naminé? Yes that's right, so they are excused for the slip-up but come on. Now let's re-arrange. So; Kairi, Naminé…what are your birthdays?"

I was the first to speak.

"Um, the first of July." I wanted to look at Sora, but I didn't want to be sucked into the spell of his eyes again.

"First of July? Well then you're in between Roxas, who's the sixth of July and…um…"

"Sora?" I suggested.

"Oh you know each other?" he asked looking between us at that. Neither of us answered, so he dropped it. "Yes, you're between Roxas and Sora…"

I stayed where I was as he told Naminé where she was sitting.

"Okay everyone, go on, and get into your seats."

I bent down and picked up my bag, making my way over to the empty seat I was assigned to. I kept my head down as I sat. I could feel Roxas and Sora's stares on my face. Mr. Hogan passed down a folder containing my stuff, giving it to Sora to hand to me.

"Here." When I heard his voice I couldn't help but smile. I swallowed hard and looked up.

"Thanks." I said, taking it from him. Our hands brushed and I was sure I blushed, but that was one of the reasons make-up was amazing. You blush; no one knows…you go pale after hearing something that no one should know you felt so strongly about; no one knows. Emotion gets veiled, as long as you can control your expression. So even if I did blush he couldn't tell. By this point my heart was behaving like Animal from 'The Muppets' on acid; it had gone completely mental…jumping around like Tom Cruise on a couch. This was one thing I didn't know how to stop… it had me buzzing in this weird way. But I couldn't regain control. This scared me. 'Kairi; get a grip… CONCENTRATE!' I told myself. But it was impossible.

"No problem." He replied. I looked up once more, and he was still looking at me with this weird expression on his face that seemed like he was trying to decide whether any of this was real. I smiled in thanks not knowing what else to do and turned around trying to concentrate as best I could for the next forty minutes… this was going to be a long class…

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READ AND REVIEW NOW!!!!!! SERIOUSLY COME ON!!! i want feedback: your opinions and your plot predictions and what YOU want to happen (though i'm pretty sure quite abit of what _is_ going to happen is iron-clad...sorry.

R&R xoX-iHeartSureal-Xox


	7. Notes and Confrontation aka Brain 2 Mush

**_FIRST UP! THIS HAS QUITE A BIT OF NAUGHTY LANGUAGE IN IT! A.K.A. SWEARING:O OH MY GOD!!!! OH WELL, DO YOU REALLY CARE? THINK OF IT AS CHARACTERISATION OR SOME THING... :D!_**

**Hello!!! Well This IS a MUCH more eventfull chapter!!! Is the silence broken? Oooo and why is Sora skipping classes and having break-downs... AND since i have crammed more plot into this snippet, i want NEW reviewers to join the wonderful buch i've gathered so far... AND COME ON!!! Choose a birthday, anyone but Roxas/Kairi's birthday!!! ITS FUN! but someone in June has to get Sora's cuz of the seating plan... OKAY NOW LET'S READ AND REVIEW REVIE REVIEW!!!! PLEASE?: (**

it would make me happy is all...and it may get me posting the next chapter quicker!: D

**hmmm... this is dedicated to all the wonderful lovely reviews i have had! YAY FOR REVIEWERS!!! ooo and i got a new favourite from the second sight alchemist! SO this is for them aswell! WOOOO!!!**

_Disclaimer: again i dont own KH1/2 or the song 'pump it' by the Black-Eyed Peas... : P_

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Chapter Six

_Sora_

'Oh God. OH GOD. Oh my GOD. What is…what do I…how did she…why is…? OH MY GOD!' it was official…my brain had turned to mush. And me and Kairi may or may not have been sitting beside each other…. I mean if she was there…then…well…see above basically for my thoughts on the possibility. But then again I could just be seeing things I mean I had… WAIT. If Kairi was really here, had she been in the alcove and outside my house as well? Why didn't she say anything…I mean I know; awkward… but come on this was pretty god-damn awkward… had she been running away from me? But then again those particular encounters could have been hallucinated and this, here, now… could be real…No… I knew it was most likely reality…. Oh crap. She hated me. She really truly hated me… this was bad…no. This was shit actually. I couldn't help looking at her as she sat there in between me and Roxas. In between me and Roxas… well that sounded wrong…why did I think of that? Seriously: brain to mush. BRAIN TO MUSH. And I was still looking at her. Someone handed me a folder that had all her timetables and stuff in it. Okay… you can do this…

"Here." I said. And then she smiled. It was… well … let's just said my already nonsensical thoughts dropped down about ten levels of coherency when I saw it. And then if she was smiling…did she not hate me after all? I couldn't work her out. This was strange. I wanted to know what was going on… but whenever I looked into her eyes I got twice as lost as I had been in the first place when I still thought I was hallucinating… was I hallucinating?

"Thanks" she said taking it from me. Our hands brushed and I was pretty sure my mask faltered and I let down my guard…just for a second. Why had this started happening so frequently? Kairi. That was why. I was always so careful about what people saw of me, what I showed them of what was going through my mind… but in the alcove… and then when I saw her… thank god I wasn't prone to blushing. This girl had serious Jedi-mind-tricks. And for some reason I was kind of afraid, but why I had no idea… my heart was pumping like a Black-Eyed Peas song (I didn't really like the Black-Eyed Peas but there you go…). I was wondering if she could hear it… it was pretty damn loud… as though it was trying to break-out of my rib-cage with an industrial drill. I felt kind of electrified. I had to distract myself…

"No problem." I said… she _had_ just thanked me, right? I couldn't quite remember what she said, just the sound of her voice (_how_ did that make _any_ sense)… and then she looked up again. 'This can't be real' I thought to myself. 'In no way could her eyes be that electric-stormy-sky-blue in reality. It isn't possible.' She smiled at me again…wow…and turned around as though listening to what Mr. Hogan was saying. I was in awe of her concentration levels. I was in awe of everyone's concentration levels actually… well not really. Not everyone was paying attention. Roxas for one seemed to be trying to work out someway to check-out Naminé on the sly. This was difficult. She was behind him. Three desks behind him. However, a quick glance in her direction seemed to suggest that she could check him out just fine. But I didn't really think about them properly. Kairi's re-appearance was hijacking my thoughts. Somehow it managed to latch on to each and every one of my thoughts. My mind found ways of including the girl beside me in every single subject I thought of so I gave up trying to ignore her like she seemed to be able to ignore me so easily.

I was in my own little world when something hit me in the back of the head and bounced down my back. I reached behind me and found a note.

_Sora, sorry I thought you were crazy. I see why you were so hyped up about her though. Nice…but I prefer blondes. What do you think__ of Naminé? Anyway back to Kairi… Why the hell is she back? Got any ideas? Roxas._

I read it through and began to scribble a response.

_Um ... I'm __not sure about any of this. I have no idea what she's doing here. Sora_

I threw the note behind me to whoever had thrown it at me in the first place. I heard the rustles as it got passed down to Roxas. Soon enough the note bounced off my hair again.

_Weird. You'll have to talk to her you know…what are you gonna say?__ Roxas_

I considered it for a second. What would I say?

_Hi, long time no see…um…__what's …_

I scribbled it out. And then three small words came to mind.

_I missed you…_

_yeah… I can't think of anything else to say but that_

_Sora_

I threw it back; the usual rustlings of people being 'subtle' were heard again. Then the sound of Roxas scribbling something out and then ripping…wait. Ripping? What was he ripping? Next thing I knew he was passing Kairi a down-sized version of the note. I could clearly see exactly what he had left in:

_I miss__ed you…_

_I can't think of anything else to say but that_

_Sora_

I looked at Roxas; pretty sure my face was plastered with pure fury. Why the hell did he do that? What was that for? Was he CRAZY? Oh I was going to kick his ass. I took a sheet out of my copy and scrawled in handwriting near-illegible from rage:

_WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!!! WHY THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT??? I AM GOING TO KICK YOUR FUCKTARDED ASS!!! _

I threw it at him directly hitting him in the square forehead (leaving a red mark), and then stole a glance at Kairi. She was staring at the note, her expression impenetrable. She took a pen from her pocket and began to write something; carefully hiding it so that I couldn't see. Then Roxas' reply hit me in the back of my head. I grabbed it and unfolded it quickly.

_Hey__, I was just trying to get you out of the whole 'awkward silence' thing… and that's what you said you'd say… so really the note was from you…Roxas_

What a tool. Who does that? I scribbled a reply:

_That was NOT what I'd say to her in reality. YOU KNOW THAT'S NOT WHAT I WOULD HAVE SAID IN REALITY!!! And I was okay with the awkward silence… it was quiet… and that note was NOT from me… just written by me… there's a difference… and so what if I did come up with what it said…it was out of context…OUT OF CONTEXT! _

I threw it at him again but he was ready this time. He caught it easy and shot me an amused smirk.

And then another note flicked at me; Kairi's note. I held it a second. What would she say? I took the plunge and unfolded it.

_Sora, I know you didn't want me to see that but I know you were writing to me. I don't know how that happened though…anyway…I guess__ what I really,__** really**__ want to say is…_

_I missed you too._

_And I'm sorry for everything…It's a long story… __and I guess you're probably pissed off at me…I didn't actually mean to stalk you either…that's another long story… but I am really sorry again. _

_I'm kinda glad that guy gave me this cuz I don't know how I would have broken the silence otherwise…I've been panicking about that actually… but I'm sorry for the silence too, if you give me a chance I could try and explain myself. I've been stupid. I get that. I apologise for that too. Wow…this is one big apology really…isn't it? Well that's my fault I guess… I hope you can bring yourself to listen to me…cuz I hardly know why all of this is coming out on the paper but it is, and I don't think I've ever written so fast, but I'm scared…__and I don't know why I told you that. But I am. I hope you can give me a shot. _

_Kairi_

Her handwriting was messy and chaotic and totally unique. It was fascinating for some reason. I wondered how she had crammed so much onto the page in such short time. I re-read it five times. I looked at how she had written my name, and for some reason it made me smile a tiny bit… I don't know why… I hadn't genuinely smiled in a year and a half. Not without knowing it showed an edge…not without feeling guilty… but I smiled… And then I thought about what she had written. She was scared. She was actually scared. Just like me. And she found it just as weird. And she had been in the alcove…and she had been under the oak tree. And she missed me. But something really shocked me. Something made me feel guilty about all of it. Something made me feel distressed about what she had said. She felt she was to blame. She was _sorry_. And it was wrong. I never wanted her to feel like she was to blame for this mess. I knew it was all my fault… 'Everything is always my fault in the end. It always leads back to me… I'm the source of the hurt.' I thought with a weird sense of peace at the acceptance of this bitter realisation. I folded the note as I thought what to say leaning back in my chair closing my eyes. It took me a minute to organise my thoughts (which kept liquefying when I thought of Kairi) and began to scribble my response.

_Kairi, _

_None of it's your fault. I'm sorry for all the pain I may have caused you. I should have fought harder to keep you here… I know that you've probably been better off without me though. Trust me on that._

_I'm sorry for letting you down. I had no reason to do so… I was stupid and I should have tried harder… or I should have never tried at all… I just got you to put down all these false roots and gave you this false home and it was my fault you had to loose it all. _

_I'm sorry I made you cry…I never meant to hurt you so much._

_I'm sorry you missed me, because if you missed me like I missed you then that was just another hurt I caused._

_I'm sorry for deserting you. _

_I'm sorry I made you mad enough to slam down the phone. _

_I'm sorry if you never got my letters, and that I didn't try and get through to you again._

_I was scared and I am scared, and this is all just coming out and that scares me even more._

_I'm sorry for this note, and for all your unnecessary misplaced blame._

_I'm sorry for it all._

_Sora_

I pushed it over to her as the bell rang. And then I left. I just stood up and left. I hadn't taken out anything but my copy and my pen for the whole class so I scooped them up and got out the door before the bell was done ringing.

And then I started to run. Through the hallways; quickly filling up from emptying classrooms. Down the stairs; crowded and chaotic. I ran until I was far enough away, and then slumped down against a wall. I concentrated as best I could on my breathing. I waited for it to slow. I tried not to think about what I had just done. Why had I done it anyway? It was just going to make everything so much harder. But I knew I had to say it. I knew she had to hear it. I knew that blaming Roxas was not the answer.

But knowing it was what I had to do didn't make it any easier. I hated feeling this…confused. I hated showing the world how I felt, and at the moment it almost felt like Kairi was the world…I didn't know why. I didn't understand how I could feel so strongly for a girl I hadn't talked to in five years. I didn't want to feel like this. I knew that Kairi was never going to feel as strongly for me. I knew that even if she did, I shouldn't act on it; I'd hurt her…but I knew it would never come to that so I tried to expel thought. The fantasy.

I heard footsteps coming towards me. I opened my eyes and glanced at the boy approaching me. 'Oh shit, I really can't handle him right now' I thought.

"Riku, Fuck off! I don't have time for your bullshit right now." I said closing my eyes again and bringing my fingers to my temples. A gesture of stress and annoyance I hoped he'd pick up on and just leave me alone.

"Someone's a little touchy this morning. Why's this? Who's responsible? I want to personally congratulate them." He said in a detached amused voice that made my blood-boil.

"Kairi." I stated simply.

"You're still not over losing Kairi? What the fuck is wrong with you?" I laughed bitterly at the question posed. 'You have no idea what's wrong with me…too much for you to comprehend' I thought. Riku raised an eyebrow, wondering what was so funny, and waiting for a response.

"No Riku, I never was." I answered his first question, ignoring his second. "But that's not what I'm talking about."

"What? What the fuck are you talking about?" I smiled at his irritation.

"She's back. Kairi is back." I replied, slightly in awe of the words.

"I was wondering when you'd loose it. I thought it would have happened earlier. I even hoped that once Olette-"

That was when my anger started to flare. I was not going to listen to him talk about Olette. I couldn't stand it.

"Don't say it. Don't you fucking say it you sad sadistic son of a bitch. And no I'm not 'loosing it'…I wish I were…"

"Yeah right! If Kairi was back, why the fuck would you wish you were-"

"Because everything that happened to her… it's my fault okay? Just drop it." I snapped.

"So she's back."

"Yeah, she's back."

"Ha, I can see how this could be fun." He said with a smirk. 'NO!' I thought, panic gripping me at the notion.

"Don't even think about doi-"

He cut me off mid word.

"Who's gonna stop me? You? You didn't do anything last time. Remember? Don't say that there wasn't anyway you could have. You knew that I was just fucking around from the start. I know you did, don't deny it. You knew. You knew it all a-"

And that's when I snapped…because I knew he was right, because I knew I hadn't stopped him when I could have, because I couldn't let him anywhere near Kairi.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP! WHY WON'T YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!! DON'T YOU REALISE I DO EXACTLY WHAT YOU'RE DOING TO ME RIGHT NOW TO MYSELF ON THE REGULAR? DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND I HATE MYSELF?" Everything began to rush out at high speed and I was pretty sure I was having some kind of break down… but I didn't care. "It's stupid…YOU KNOW MORE ABOUT HOW I FEEL THEN MY FRIENDS! WHY? WHY WON'T YOU GO AWAY? You have caused ENOUGH fucking damage. YOU HAVE _DONE_ WHAT YOU _SET OUT_ TO _DO_ YOU _BASTARD_! I hope you're happy with your goddamn handy-work, I hope you're HAPPY at what you've done. BECAUSE NOT A DAY GOES BY…NOT AN HOUR…WHEN I DON'T REGRET HOW I MADE WHAT YOU DID POSSIBLE! But listen to me when it comes to this, YOU ARE NOT GOING TO SCREW AROUND WITH KAIRI! I AM NOT GOING TO LET ANYTHING LIKE THAT HAPPEN AGAIN…and honestly, HONESTLY DO YOU ACTUALLY _THINK_ SHE'D DO ANYTHING LIKE THAT? LET ANY OF THAT HAPPEN? WELL EVEN IF SHE DOES, I WILL STOP HER, SO HELP ME I WILL FUCKING STOP HER BECAUSE NOBODY DESERVES ANYTHING LIKE THAT! NOBODY…not even you."

Riku just crossed his arms and smirked throughout the whole rant, as though he thought it was funny. As though it was really all a joke…but I guess it was a joke to him. Right? That's what had started it all off. He was bored, so he started it all as a joke. Though how this could ever have seemed funny was beyond me. I didn't understand it. How could a person act like that?

"_Why_ did you do it Riku?" I asked quietly. "_How_ did you find it _funny_? What _happened_ to you?"

"You did… and Kairi… and you know what? It's not my problem that you're blind." He replied… I was confused. His tones were harsh. How had I provoked him? What was I blind to? But before I could ask he was walking away. I sighed; half out of frustration and half out of relief. I was tired. I was tired of feeling like this. I remembered Kairi's smile, and the way she had written my name. I remembered holding her hand all those years ago when she first woke up, and how let her cry it all out…the sound of her laughter, I thought she was crazy but it was like that line from that song "So if you're crazy, I don't care you amaze me" I had thought she was insane but at the same time her laughter was amazing… and then I remembered our good-bye…how I held on to her at long as I could, how I knew that I was crying harder then I ever had before, how she whispered she loved me and I said I loved her too and made some stupid joke which she kicked me for…how she kissed me on the cheek.. How she ran from me and never looked back… I closed my eyes. Immersing myself in as many memories of her as I could, trying to replicate how she made me feel. Trying to stop the hurt.

The bell rang again. I'd skipped a class…but I didn't care. I just stayed where I was…it was lunch now anyway…there was no point in moving.

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Hmmmm SOOOOOOOOO what's your feedback for THAT??? WHAT did Riku DO??? OH gosh... I guess you'll have to R&R to find out wont you: D YAY!!! and you know you just have to type 'i like it' or 'whats going to happen next?' nothing to major really... Does that sound too difficult for you???? not really... so come ON!!!

xoX-IHeartSureal-Xox


	8. Introductions and Misunderstandings

**Heya guys, sorry it's been a little longer than usual in between chapters! But there you go, i had stuff to do and people to see unfortunately... but anyways! Here is one LONG chapter. Setting up a bit of Roxas/Namine and introducing a few more characters (which is nessacary for story developement and all that jazz). Hmmm. I've noticed that a LOAD of people are reading...but NOT reviewing... PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW... i know i come across a little desperate but can you really blame me for that? And remember, this chapter took longer coming and maybe THAT'S for a reason...Anyways, Hope you enjoy! **

**PLEASE GIVE ME SOME FEEDBACK!!!**

_Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts 1/2. :(_

**_R&R&R&R&R&R&R&R&R&R&R&R&R&R&R&R&R&R&R&R&R&R&R&R&R&R&R&R&R&R&R&R&R&R&R&R&R&R&R&R&R&R&R&R&R&R&R_**

dedicated to my newest reviewer : OathkeeperKeybearer!!!! YAY!!!THANK YOU TO ALL MY REVIEWERS SO FAR ACTUALLY: D

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Chapter Seven

_Kairi_

'Okay, what the hell just happened?' I wondered as Sora disappeared out into the hallway before the bell was even done ringing. I looked down at the note folded on my desk. I held it up, about to open it…

"Hey what's that?" a voice behind me asked. It was Naminé.

"Just a note." I replied putting it into my schoolbag.

"Who's it from?" she smiled.

"Um…Sora…"

"Oh, right. So… you weren't paying attention either? I was hoping I could get the notes off you." She said as we walked out into the hallway.

I had definitely not been paying attention. I spent half the class pretending to concentrate (while secretly trying to see what Sora was writing in the notes he was passing to Roxas), and the other half trying to write as much stuff as I could (in the note Roxas passed to me from Sora). My hand was aching from the tension it had endured as I danced my pen across the page. I wondered if he had even understood half of it. It was written in hopelessly illegible handwriting from my desperation to say as much as I possibly could on an impulse that now had me terrified. I had written things I would never had said to him face to face. Things that in retrospect were stupid and embarrassing and stupid. I had no idea why but I had told him how I felt.

**I HAD TOLD HIM HOW I FELT!!!**

I was getting increasingly frantic to read what was in his reply. 'But still;' I thought 'he missed me.' My mind began to go to gloop at the thought; I tried to fight back the odd reaction, battling to remain coherent.

What had Naminé just said again? Oh right…not paying attention…notes…

"Nope sorry, I don't have a clue what any of that was about. Wait a second… what were you doing?" I asked, curious; though I was pretty sure I knew _exactly_ what she was doing, and exactly _whom_ it involved…

"Um… well the other guy you were sitting next to was a bit um… distracting actually."

I laughed. It was just as I thought; she'd been checking out the blonde on my left. I smiled at her. I liked Naminé.

"Really? Well his name's Roxas, and-"

"Did one of you just call me?"

We turned around. Roxas was standing behind us, smiling and looking curious. Naminé looked like she was trying to figure out if he had heard her a moment ago. I laughed a little at this, and then turned back to Roxas.

"No, we were just talking about you actually..." I grinned a little. Naminé was staring at me. She seemed a bit worried about what I was going to say. "So, why did you give me that note? I really don't think Sora wanted me to see that."

Naminé looked relived at the change of subject, though she probably didn't know what we were talking about now (depending on exactly how much attention she had been paying Roxas).

"Well I thought it needed to be sent. I mean there is nothing worse then an awkward silence." He smiled. He was looking at Naminé half the time he was talking to me. "And trust me on this; if I hadn't sent it to you, the tension between you and Sora would have gotten so thick you'd have been able to cut it with a knife and eat it for lunch."

I smiled at this expression and Naminé giggled slightly, covering her mouth with her hand; a gesture that was so cute she had Roxas smiling with me. Roxas seemed like the kind of guy who had more then enough experience at winning girls over, but Naminé seemed to ooze with charm and I wondered (looking between them at that moment) if Roxas stood a chance in hell against her graceful sweetness. It was enough to make any girl jealous, but I wasn't in the slightest at that moment. For one thing; Roxas seemed like a nice guy and all but he wasn't my type and I just wasn't into him. For another; I was too anxious to start unravelling the many mysteries that this school seemed to hold to be distracted by Naminé's resemblance to an angel. I quickly moved on with the conversation; hoping I could manipulate it so that some of my questions were answered.

"Thanks I guess, though I'm not sure if he's that happy about it though." I began again, Roxas looked down; no longer looking at Naminé.

"Sora's never happy… hasn't been for a long time. Ignore all the stupid smiles he dishes out, half of them don't mean a thing." He replied with a slight frown. He looked back at me. "What class do you two have next?" he said unexpectedly; changing the subject abruptly.

"Um…history." I said.

"What about you Naminé?" Roxas asked the girl who found him so distracting.

"I have history too. Why?" well at least she knew how to keep her cool around her crush. As soon as Roxas had appeared I'd been monitoring her for signs of swooning etc. just in case she needed me to save her from humiliation-through-hormones. I'd decided she was good long-term-friend material; and I had always looked out for friends in such situations in the past. Besides if it had come to me rescuing her from a mortifying Roxas-induced reaction (such as drooling and whatnot) it would have been a step towards earning her trust and cementing a friendship.

"So do I, how about I show you where it is." We nodded, letting him begin leading the way.

"So, what's wrong with Sora?" I questioned, trying to get back on track as we began to descend a flight of stairs.

"Some bad stuff happened…. Sora took it hard."

"Is this something to do with Riku?" I asked. He looked like he'd been expecting me to bring _him_ up sooner or later.

"Yeah. Riku… well… he did some stuff that a lot of people will never understand…" His voice seemed to have a bitter edge to it. I looked at him. His brow was slightly furrowed and he looked angry…and sad?

'**WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED**???' I wondered; completely frustrated about the lack of solid-information I was getting.

But I could tell Roxas wasn't going to go into details of the past events he spoke of, so I dropped it. I didn't want to push or pry, and I didn't want to make a bad impression on him either. It looked like there was a possibility that a good friendship with Roxas would be necessary in future due to Sora, though also due to Naminé. I smiled at the thought. And hey! In the end long-term friendship came down to tactful diplomacy.

There was a lull in conversation after this, though it wasn't awkward in the least. Roxas seemed to recover himself from whatever had come over him, and soon started up a new topic.

"So did you guys know each other before today? Or is it just coincidence that we had two new girls added to our year two months late? You guys seemed to be talking like friends in class."

"No, we just met actually… I came from Traverse Town, what about you Naminé?" I asked, curious as to where she came from.

"Um, I came from Radiant Garden." She replied.

"Have you always lived here Roxas? I don't remember you being here before…" I asked, trying to see if I could place him somewhere.

"I don't live in the suburbs; I live here in Twilight Town on one of the quieter roads. I wasn't in the same elementary school as Sora or anything; I went to the one at the far end of town, not down by the beach like him and definitely not near your suburban upper-class private girls' boarding school paradise either." He laughed at the last bit. I raised an eyebrow, wondering how he knew where I went to school as a kid. 'Exactly what does he know about me?' I thought to myself.

"How did you know I went to the boarding school?" I inquired; curious.

"Hey I've been friends with Sora for quite a while now. Of course I know stuff about you; he's always dropping little comments about you… I don't think he really realises how much he's told people about his 'old friend Kairi', it just comes out of his mouth absent-mindedly." He laughed. I looked down, thinking about this… I was kinda shocked I guess. Surprised possibly... actually I have no idea how I felt and I doubt I did then either. I hadn't told anyone anything about Sora other then that he existed and that he was my best-friend… then again I had never felt like I had proper friends, so why would I have gone into detail about him with anyone?

"So what did you guy's think of Mr. Hogan?" Roxas asked, he probably saw the look on my face prior to the subject change and decided it would be tactful to distract me.

"Um… I was kinda preoccupied with my note to Sora…. I didn't concentrate at all actually." I answered, trying to give Naminé time to come up with an excuse, giving her a sly smile while Roxas wasn't looking. She seemed to appreciate it.

"Oh right, of course!" He replied. "What about you Naminé? What did you think of him?" He smiled as he talked to her. I smiled as he smiled as he talked to her.

"I wasn't concentrating either. I was putting my name on my copybooks, checking up on the timetable, learning off my locker combination." She said matter-of-factly. I had to admit, she was freakishly convincing. Roxas didn't bat an eyelid at the excuse. He began to slow however; as we reached what was supposedly our history classroom.

The teacher was there already, though he hadn't started the class yet. He was busy shuffling through notes or something as we walked in. The class was busy getting themselves together, or talking amongst themselves. I looked around for the boy with the anti-gravitational hair, but he was no where to be seen. Where had Sora gone at such high speed? It was just another mystery to add to the ever-growing list. I continued to follow Roxas along with Naminé until we hesitated. Roxas looked at a group of kids in the back, who seemed to be friends of his.

"Is it okay with you guys if the new girls sit with us?" He asked them.

There were general sounds of agreement and consent, so I and Naminé made our way to two seats empty seats in the middle of them all.

"So what're your names?" asked a blondish boy to our right. His hair was darker then Naminé's or Roxas', and his eyes were brown.

"I'm Naminé." Naminé piped up, smiling slightly.

"And I'm Kairi." I answered.

Everyone turned and stared at me. Seriously; they were practically gaping.

"Um…what's wrong?" I asked.

"Are you really Kairi… as in _the_ Kairi…?_ Sora's _Kairi?" The same boy asked again.

"I was never Sora's; I'm my own person thank you very much. But I guess I'm the girl you're thinking of." I answered, slightly annoyed at being Sora's Kairi. After being passed around like a piece of property for five years there was no way I allowed myself to be referred to as a possession, no matter what the intention. The way they were looking at me didn't help either. If they were practically gaping last time they were defiantly doing so now.

"Are you serious?" asked a girl with short brown hair to my left.

"Of course she's serious Selphie. Don't act the idiot." said Roxas.

"I was _not_ acting the idiot. It's just like…. Wow, Kairi. You know? I wasn't even sure if she existed or not." She replied. Staring at me intently.

"Why wouldn't I exist?" I asked, seriously confused and more then a little creeped out.

"Well 'cause- OW!"

"Don't listen to Selphie, she's just…well…Selphie I guess." Roxas said, cutting in with a short kick under the desk.

"Hey! Didn't anyone tell you not to hit a girl?" Asked Selphie, her eyes narrowed.

"I kicked you, I never hit you." He replied smirking. "And you were gonna say something stupid."

"Was not!"

Meanwhile, while Roxas and Selphie bickered, I was still the centre of attention; everyone still gawking at me. One kinda chubby guy wearing a sweat-band even began to lift a camera up until the dark-blonde guy pushed it down.

"Cut it out Pence, this isn't the time for pictures." He said.

"Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to. Just a reflex I guess." Pence replied, in a hazy sort of voice.

The blonde looked at the door and then his wristwatch. He looked up at Roxas still arguing with Selphie. Naminé seemed to be trying to calm them down a little.

"Hey Roxas!" the boy called.

"What Hayner?" Roxas called back

"Um, where the hell _is_ Sora anyway?" He looked a little concerned.

"I dunno, I thought he'd be here by now. He kinda disappeared as soon as the bell rang…" Roxas replied, distracted from his small argument.

"Well, class is gonna start soon so he better hurry or he's gonna be late." Hayner commented just as the teacher started.

"Okay class; it's time to begin." The teacher announced "Let me just welcome our two new students, if they could raise their hands, very good…now which of you is which?" He asked. We identified ourselves as he waited patiently, smiling kindly.

"Now don't worry I won't bother you any further. Let's see, now time for roll-call"

He proceeded to call out name as students replied with "Here" or "Present". He stopped at Sora name, looking around for a response.

"Where is Sora? Can anybody tell me?" He asked.

He looked around for an explanation, but no one came forward. Hayner and Roxas exchanged glances. This was ridiculous; we couldn't just let him get in trouble. I raised my hand without thinking.

"Yes…um…Kairi, was it?" He asked, glancing at the roll book for confirmation.

"Yes, that's right" I assured him "It's just that I was sitting next to Sora in our last class and it seemed like he was going to be sick… I mean he ran out of the room so quick… I think he was heading for the nurse's office...or a bucket"

"Well, that may be, but he should have come to me for a slip first." He replied a slight frown on his face.

"I'm sorry sir, but he didn't seem to have enough time for that…he looked ready to-"

"Okay! I'll sort something out. I'll talk to the nurse." He replied.

"I don't think he made it to the nurse." Roxas piped up. "I think he went for the restroom instead. I doubt he'd try going in case-"

"Very well! Never mind, I'll just mark him as present I guess… Are you absolutely sure tha-"

"Certain" Roxas cut him off.

"Positive" I backed him up.

"Alright then, I don't know what else to do…" The teacher sighed ticking the box beside Sora's name. I held back a smile or relief as he commenced with the lesson. It was weird but I hoped that Sora _was_ skipping. If he wasn't we were all screwed. This was _so_ clearly messed up…and because of that I had this stupid urge to laugh. I stopped myself easily though and took out my books and pens and a copy…and the note. I stared at it for a second; hesitant as to whether I wanted to read what he'd written. But I knew that no matter what it contained I seriously needed to know what he'd said. So... I began to unfold it…

_Kairi, _

_None of it's your fault. I'm sorry for all the pain I may have caused you. I should have fought harder to keep you here… I know that you've probably been better off without me though. Trust me on that._

_I'm sorry for letting you down. I had no reason to do so… I was stupid and I should have tried harder… or I should have never tried at all… I just got you to put down all these false roots and gave you this false home and it was my fault you had to loose it all. _

_I'm sorry I made you cry…I never meant to hurt you so much._

_I'm sorry you missed me, because if you missed me like I missed you then that was just another hurt I caused._

_I'm sorry for deserting you. _

_I'm sorry I made you mad enough to slam down the phone. _

_I'm sorry if you never got my letters, and that I didn't try and get through to you again._

_I was scared and I am scared, and this is all just coming out and that scares me even more._

_I'm sorry for this note, and for all your unnecessary misplaced blame._

_I'm sorry for it all._

_Sora_

As I read it, I felt a tear trickle down my cheek. It splashed onto Sora's signature causing the ink to run there. I hadn't been able to hold the lone teardrop back. Sora had gotten so many things wrong. He had fought his hardest to keep me on the islands, I knew he had… there was nothing else a ten-year-old boy could have done. And I knew I hadn't been better off without him… if he had been with me I would have kept a little bit saner. I wouldn't have done some of the things I _had_ done to get away from families I didn't want to belong to. He hadn't let me down, and my roots here hadn't been false; neither had my sense of home. The islands were always my home. And though I was currently a stranger to them, I knew that they could be my home once more. He hadn't deserted me; I'd deserted him. And I had not slammed down the phone. That had most definitely been Celia "Call-me-mommy" Sasaki; the foster mother from Hades. And then there was the fact that he had written to me like I had written to him. Letters that were lost somewhere in between destinations, or withheld by well-meaning social-workers and child-care officials who were doing what they classified as "for-the-best". And he was scared too. We were both scared without knowing why and it was crazy… I didn't know what to think… I didn't know what to do next… I just folded the note up (smudging the running ink on the last line), and placed it in my back pocket.

'After this class I am going to have to find him, and tell him how wrong he is about all of it. He needs to know the truth' I decided with determination.

I opened up the copybook on my desk and picked up my pen. To try to distract myself I began taking down notes that were being projected onto the whiteboard. It kinda worked, but if anyone asked me what the class had been about when the bell rang (which luckily no one did), I wouldn't have been able to tell them.

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Hmmmm...still so many questions etc. and whatnot... to have them answered sooner R&R : D

THANK YOU FOR READING!!!

xoX-IHeartSureal-Xox


	9. Searching for Sora

**Hello chums! Sorry about that...but oh well i'm a bit random so deal with it... Kay this is good in my opinion...well it ends on a cliffy type thing so i think that's good... **

**_LISTEN UP!!! NEXT CHAPTER ONLY GETS POSTED WHEN I GET 6 REVIEWS FROM ALL DIFFERENT PEOPLE! OKAY? PLEASE? COME ON THAT'S NOT SO HARD REALLY!!!_**

This Chapter is dedicated to RoxasTheOther and ILOVEAnime65 (oh yeah, RoxasTheOther; the bday thing doesn't come up in that chapter BUT IT WILL!) Oh and This is ALSO dedicated to lebrezie cuz she said something awesome about my writing style and Stephenie Meyer's being similar!!! YAY!!! that just made me SOOO happy... oh gosh... i gots tah calm myself down a bit now... Okay, i'm okay...

oh and i'm still freaking out about summaries... i'm like PARALYSED when it comes to them... oh god... but THANKS AGAIN LEBREZIE!!!

**Warning: swearing. deal with it :D (in the nicest possible way)**

_Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts One or Two, or Elvis, or Botox, or Jesus... no one owns Elvis (well i don't think anyone does) or Jesus (well i guess the church has some claim to his name but i'm an athiest so oh well) so they don't really matter in the disclaimer do they?_

**Remember: 6 REVIEWS ARE NEEDED FOR ME TO POST CHAPTER NINE...**

Anyway; on with the FanFic...

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Chapter Eight

As I finally was allowed to take my leave of the history classroom, Naminé and Roxas and his friends escorted me into the hallway.

"Wow Kairi, quick thinking; Sora totally owes you now." Selphie buzzed.

"Yeah, seriously… how did you come up with that so fast? It was genius!" Roxas asked, with a slightly awed expression.

"And it's delivery… seriously; it was ACE!" Hayner enthused

"Well Done Kairi!"

"Yeah way to go!"

"Smooth!"

Their compliments for my skills in the art of telling well fitted untruths flew past me as I tried to work out whether Sora was even in the school anymore. He could have left…. But for some reason I didn't think he had. I tried to be polite and focus on what all of them were saying to me.

"Thanks guys, I was just trying to look out for Sora, I actually owed him one… He seemed a little off so I didn't think he'd show… anyone know where he might have gone? There are some…_things_… that need to be cleared-up between us…"

Everyone looked like they wanted nothing more then to help me… this was absurd. The treatment they gave me was bizarre. They were behaving like I was some kind of higher being. Firstly they were gaping at me, now they were acting like I was…I don't know… for lack of a better comparison Jesus or Elvis or someone.

"Well he could be up at the lockers-"

"That's a stupid idea Pence! Why would he skip class to hang around the lockers right outside the Principals office! I'd say he's probably hanging out on the roof-"

"Why the hell would he be on the roof? It's always locked anyway; he'd hardly bother cracking it open Tidus. Honestly we have brains, for like, a reason…wouldn't he most likely have left?"

"He'd hardly leave the day Kairi comes back! I mean come on Selphie! He's probably moping around in a toilet cubicle or something…"

"Hayner, Sora has never been one for hiding in a toilet cubicle… It's not like him… He's probably just sitting on the floor of some tiny hallway that no-one uses…"

"Roxas, why is _that_ more likely then a toilet cubicle?"

I decided to stop the bickering, so cleared my throat to gain their attention. Which was unsurprisingly easily obtained.

"Um… guys, if no ones really certain then I guess I'll just go look for him… okay?"

"Sure."

"If you think so…"

"It's worth a shot…"

"Want me to go check the toilet cubicles?"

I smiled.

"No Hayner… I think I'm okay. Thanks anyway though! See you later I guess." So with that I made to walk away so as to begin my quest, however I was halted by a hand on my shoulder.

"Um… Kairi, mind if I come with for a while… I mean just until you find him…" a slightly uncertain voice asked.

"Sure Naminé, if you want." I replied, reassuring.

"Thanks! I-"

"Hey! I've been your guide so far, what gives? Am I fired or something?" It was Roxas.

"Fine, you can show us around, I need to find him quick." I replied; starting to walk away before more people could tag along.

"So, wanna hear my suggestion?" He asked as we broke off from the group, heading round a corner.

"Little rarely used hallways? It's worth a shot. Where to first?" I asked, slightly impatient, slightly desperate.

"Um…well…"

And so began our epic journey half-way round the ridiculously large school-building.

x X x X x

"Roxas, maybe he isn't here I mean how many more possible hiding places and whatnot are there?" I whined.

"Look let's just try the ground floor, to the west."

"Why didn't we go there after covering the first half of the ground floor?" Naminé asked.

"I don't know, but that was a while back, it's in the past. Get over it."

"No one here seems to get over the past" I commented, basically to myself.

Roxas glanced at me, a grim expression clear in his eyes.

"Look, let's just go and check… it's the only other place I can think of." He continued on; ignoring me.

And so we ended up in the deserted planes of the lower hallways.

That was when I saw someone's feet protruding from behind a pillar. I knew it was Sora almost instantly.

"Guys! I think I've found him, you can go. Thanks for the help though!" I said in hushed tones.

"Where…oh right, yep that's him… You're welcome, if you ever need a guide again you know who to ask. Naminé, wanna come have lunch with me and the rest of the group?"

"Sure! Seeya Kairi! Good luck!" Naminé replied to both of us, smiling happily at Roxas.

As they retreated (clearly bickering about something already), I looked back at the feet. I drew a deep breath and headed over to them as quietly as possible. Sora was leaning against a wall behind the pillar. His eyes were closed, his knees up, his arms looped around his calves. I walked over and slid down beside him; suddenly nervous again. I swallowed, and made to speak when Sora broke the silence; eyes still closed.

"Riku I told you already I-"

"It's Kairi, not Riku."

His eyes shot open and he looked at me, a deep sadness in his eyes; laced with regret. And then back to being expressionless. He leaned back again; shutting his eyes.

"Kairi; I'm sor-"

"Shut up a second!" I cut him off holding up a hand.

He smiled.

"Did Kairi just say shut up? Oh _gosh_ Kai; never heard you say something like tha-"

"Would shut the _fuck_ up work better? I need to clear a few things up with you, and that requires silence on your part; 'kay?"

He didn't make a noise… so I took that as a yes.

"Look Sora; your note… you got a lot of stuff wrong in it-"

"No I didn't."

"Yes you did, didn't I just tell you to be quiet?"

"Yeah, so?"

"So listen to me you tool, I'm trying to explain some stuff, and if you don't shut up I won't be able to go through with it; so please! Stop!" I glanced at him, but he made no sign that he'd heard a word I'd said.

"Sora, you fought your hardest to keep me here – no don't even think about denying it because you were ten years old, and I doubt that there was anything else a ten year old boy could have done. And anyways I fought my hardest too; but you have to admit that we were up against government child-care officials, there wasn't a chance in hell we could have won that fight."

I took a deep breath willing myself to continue, I knew Sora was looking at me now.

"I didn't hang-up on you either. That was Celia the super-bitch. She disconnected the phone. I seriously tried to kick her plastic ass but it didn't work. But I _did_ manage to get them to put me back in care. Don't ask me how; it's not something I like to talk about. Dropping fosters… it's… you have to do things that you don't really want to do… some stuff that makes you almost loose control… anyways, I got rid of them… and I swear to god that the stuff I did do was a sign that I was defiantly not better off with out you. You seriously kept me sane when we were little kids, I had to learn how to keep me sane all by myself once I left… and I really don't know how you did it. It's a complete mystery to me. I never quite worked out how to do it actually... And another thing; you never got me to put down false roots or anything…the islands have always been my home in my mind. And now they can be again; properly. I've even got a decent family I've managed to stick with for a record-breaking two years. And Sora… I wrote to you too… but all letters in and out of the kid's home are withheld… apparently it's "for-the-best-dear"; but in my opinion most of the social-workers out there are idiots. At least almost every single one I've met. And you never deserted me… I never tried to get through to you after that botox-infested retard messed with the phone-lines… I never tried to explain that it wasn't me… I'm sorry… I was scared… a-and I, and I don't kn-know what to say…" I had been crying since I explained about the phone and Celia, but I had kept my voice steady until I said I was scared… now I was full on crying-my-eyes-out.

I rubbed my cheeks; my fingers were black and wet. 'Damn eyeliner' I thought, sniffling slightly 'I must seem like such a dunce'.

"Kairi?" Sora started unsure.

"Sorry, I'm being so stupid… I should go; you probably don't want to talk to me now you know-" I started to try and get up, when I got cut-off.

"Kairi, why wouldn't I want to talk to you? Now; I _am_ gonna calm you down… well I'm gonna _try_ calm you down…okay?" He grabbed my hand and I put my head on his shoulder as a reflex-reaction.

"Okay, but you're such an idiot, you know that? You jump to all these conclusions without even talking to me. You were so incredibly wrong it's not funny…and… oh… oh _my_ god!" I just realised something, I realised why I had a tendency to hold my hands when I was nervous etc.

"What? What's wrong?" Sora asked, completely confused.

"Nothing, I just realised something that had been bugging me… nothing of importance…"

It was all because of Sora. The day I woke up (my first memory) he held my hand and put my head on his shoulder as I cried…. Just like now… that was what I was doing. The first time someone (that someone being Sora) calmed me down; they held my hand the same way I did when something was wrong.

"Okay, if you say so…" He said; probably confused. It _was_ a really random thing to come out with in all fairness.

"Sora?" I asked; my voice still shaking slightly as I was still crying; unable to stop what I had started.

"Mmm-hmm?"

"Do you… do you understand? Like, really understand? Because I can't have you blaming yourself for all this… I'm not the only one who needs cheering up, I realise that… and even if you're the one who started holding my hand; I'm holding it back… 'kay?" I was worried about him. The tone of the notes, the look in his eyes, all the little comments from Roxas… it _really_ had me worried.

"Okay… thanks Kai." He said, in a kind of defeated voice.

"You know what's weird?" I started again, trying to do _something _(anything) to lighten the mood. "No one but you has ever called me Kai. No one. Not fosters or the other kids in the places I've lived in… not even Riku-"

"Kairi; stay away from Riku."

The statement was out of his mouth as soon as I'd finished saying the name. I looked at him, rubbing my eyes. Stay away from Riku? I'd heard it already but when Sora said it, it was different…

"What the fuck happened? Seriously? First you and Roxas are talking about some 'war' and then Roxas is going on about Riku doing 'some stuff that a lot of people will never understand' and now this!" I fumed. I had a right to know what he had done to become the incarnation of evil.

"So you _were_ there! Where the hell were you hiding? You seriously had me thinking I was finally loosing it!"

"I was in the bush; had just about enough time to dive into it before you got round the corner. I got some nasty cuts from that, by the way, and I'm blaming you!" I replied punching him lightly.

"It was hardly my fault that you didn't have enough guts to come up to me and admit you'd been stalking me-"

"I wasn't stalking you! I didn't mean to go to your house; I wasn't concentrating and I just kind of ended up on your front lawn… oh and I had no way of knowing that you were in the alcove either… but anyway; answer the question."

"What question?" He played dumb.

"Do you want me to punch you again; 'cause this time I will seriously put some weight into it." I threatened.

"Kai I don't want to talk about it… okay?" He asked.

"No actually; not okay. He was our best friend. The third of our trio. I want to know what he did." I demanded. No was not an answer which I comprehended.

He looked at me, searching my eyes for something. A sign I was going to let up maybe? Whatever it was, I don't think he found it. He sighed.

"I don't know how you do it." He said, almost sadly.

"Do what exactly?" I wondered

"Make me agree to things like this. It's stupid. Maybe it's just because I've missed you; that's probably what's weakening my defences."

"Shut up and get on with it."

"Why so rude? You never used to even tell people to shut up, now you're swearing!" He commented.

"Sora, I was ten; now I'm fifteen. Deal with it okay?" I responded

"So what; you're like a _badass_ now?" He asked; jokingly.

"Maybe I am, maybe I'm not. But if you change the subject one more time I swear to god you'll find out." I replied.

He looked down at his hand holding mine. It was just a friendly thing, nothing more nothing less. We always used to hold hands when we were like eight or nine… right up until I left… it was a sub-conscious action. When either of us was upset by anything the other would hold our hand. Anyway, he finally spoke…

"Okay Kairi; if you really want to know-"

"I do."

"-then I'll tell you. But I'm warning you that I doubt you _really_ want to know."

"Just tell me the god-damn story Sora."

And so he began.

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CLIFFY!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! I NEED REVIEWS (at LEAST six) TO CLEAR **THAT** UP:D 

R&R and give me some feedback...NO FLAMES... flames don't count as reviews...

xoX-IHeartSureal-Xox


	10. Past Pain Revisited aka Riku's Fall

**Hello again! Thank You For the reviews! This is written a little differently from the other chapter's; it's Sora's POV kinda but it's not really what he's thinking as such...it's what he's saying as he explains some stuff to Kairi... I guess that's not POV; Is it? Anyways... PLEASE DON'T HATE ME FOR THE ANTI-RIKU CONTENT OF THIS CHAPTER!!! It's just the way the story goes; okay? And come on! You know you love to hate him; it's part of what makes him so smexy! So... I hope you enjoy and also I'm going for another 6 reviews before i post the 10th chapter! Come on! It's not that hard! Thank you to all who did last time though! Without you i wouldn't be posting this now:D R&R **

**hmmm this is dedicated to Shawn16; for the wonderful review, RFL for the promise to read this as soon as possible, lebrezie for being number 6, ILOVEAnime65 for saying i'm her favourite author (YAY!!! THAT MEANS SO MUCH!!), Jynxer for the PMs and the enthusiasim for updates, tebayo26 for reviewing though not really knowing what to say 'cause just saying "i still like it" is motivation enough, and to RoxasTheOther; who was the quickest to review! **

_Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts 1/2 but i own my storyline!_

Okay so without further ado; here is C9 and remember: 6 reviews for chapter 10:P

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Chapter Nine

_Sora_

Kai; a lot happened… I don't think I can tell you all of it… why not? Because I don't think I'd be able. Plus some of the things that happened… well they're lost; basically lost anyway. Well Riku still remembers; but I doubt he'd share and care with anyone. Then again I don't know some other stuff either… but I know most of what happened (I think)… though why it happened… it's a mystery to me...all of it… I seriously don't understand why Riku would…. How he could…

What? Yeah I'm fine Kai; don't worry 'bout me… Anyways; I guess it all started with you leaving. When you were gone… well at first I wouldn't talk to anyone. I was a mute basically. I only… I only wanted to talk to you…

I am _NOT_ blushing!

NO I'M NOT! SHUT UP! Do you want to hear what happened or not? That's what I thought…

Okay; so I wasn't speaking. Not a word. Not to anybody. I didn't see the point…My parents? I guess my parents were waiting it out or something… they were letting me take my time…

But Riku….well; Riku flipped out at me after a while. Said stuff like that you were gone; you weren't coming back. You were alone now, and there was nothing I could do about it: But he was still here, and me going quiet was forcing him to be alone and it was selfish and stupid. So I started talking again afterwards… it was like if I wasn't talking to him he'd die or something… it was weird… I was worried about him…

Anyways; when middle school came 'round: we were still inseparable. We made sure we had all the same classes… Riku didn't even bother talking to anyone new. I, however, made some friends… mainly with this group of kids you've probably met; Tidus, Wakka, Selphie, Pence, Hayner…and… and Olette.

I mainly hung around with Riku; but I'd talk to the others during classes and stuff… Riku completely blanked them. Said he thought they were annoying. I disagreed; but he wouldn't give them a chance so I stopped trying to get him to. He, however, eventually made some friends of his own… a group of kids who had this ring leader Xemnas. I had this bad feeling about them; they were kinda dodgy… I didn't trust them…So; I tried to stop Riku from hanging around them, but he got really angry. Said I wasn't the only person capable of making friends…said he could do whatever he wanted; I wasn't his mother. I didn't know what to say… I was just trying to look out for him. I didn't get why he got so mad at me… I never said he wasn't able to make friends… where he was getting this from; I hadn't got a clue…

So I dropped it.

I didn't want to loose him over this so I didn't bring it up after that. Every now and again he'd disappear and I knew exactly who he was with… so whenever this happened I'd just hang out with Hayner and all. To distract myself from worrying about Riku… but they were really nice… I got real tight with them…but I think this just pissed off Riku again…

Around about when Roxas moved into our class halfway through the year, Riku started to stick with me when I went over to my group of friends. I thought he was finally going to accept them, but he wasn't: he still ignored them… I guess he was just making sure I didn't forget him or something…

Anyways; Olette…Olette for some unknown reason got a crush on him… she started trying to talk to him and stuff…she tried to get him to join in with us when we were talking about something or messing amongst ourselves or whatever; but Riku didn't respond to her. And I think that just made her fall a little deeper for him because…no one ever ignored Olette. Ever. She was such a nice person… never did anything to hurt anyone; was always looking on the Brightside. She had this weird infectious happy hyper-active energy. She made everyone smile… cheered everyone up… broke up any little argument; no matter how small… well anyway Riku didn't really care about that. He thought she was naïve and pathetic; so I told him he should get to know her before he said that kind of thing… I said it wasn't right to judge her like that without talking to her first; it was completely prejudice. He just laughed at me, saying I took everything too seriously. So I dropped it.

I had begun to ignore anything he said that pissed me off; I didn't want him to go… I wanted to hold on to him I guess… he was… he was the best friend I had. The _oldest_ friend I had. So I avoided any and all conflict with him… but it felt like the more time that passed, the less I knew him. He was acting different… treating people different…

Anyway; after a while he started responding to Olette every now and again. And that was when he realised how much she cared about him. He said it could be fun to experiment with this discovery…okay I admit that this sounded a little weird to me but I thought he liked her; I honestly did… then when I asked him he just laughed at me; I never got a proper answer out of him about it.

When he asked her out I thought it was because he felt…well not the same; Olette was in love with him: that much was obvious… but I thought he felt something.

He had her running after him everywhere he went. She did basically everything he said; but he didn't really do anything for her at all… it was a little painful to watch… but I thought it was just their way of being a couple. But then you'd hear Riku dropping these little carefully disguised insults… he'd say this stuff to her and see what kind of effect it had on her; she started to get self-conscious… she wasn't the same hyper-happy girl that she had been at the start of middle school. Then when summer came she was spending more time around Riku then before and how he made her act became a little more clear to me … it was bad… really bad.

After hanging out with the two of them one day it started to really get to me. When she left I asked him what the hell he thought he was doing; he asked me what I meant. And I just…I dropped it again… I didn't know what to do… So it kept happening… I don't think many people really noticed though; I _did _hang out with them more then anyone else in the group so I guess it was understandable. And when Riku made his stupid little comments it wasn't that obvious what he meant or implied… but I could see Olette knew exactly what Riku was saying each and every time.

But she didn't tell him to shut up. She didn't tell him to fuck off. She didn't make him stop being such a prick. I don't think she could. She really loved him; even though he treated her like shit half the time she still hung on every word he said. And it was clear she was out of her depth. But I didn't know how to fish her out… and I didn't want to offend her or Riku. It would just make the situation worse…

Anyway… after a while some people picked up on it and some people started to talk about it… by then we were back in school. No one knew how to resolve it. Whatever we tried didn't work because we were trying to do things without them knowing it was us and this was pretty damn hard… and it ended up that the little things we did do were hardly noticeable to them anyway. It was frustrating. Selphie in particular got pissed off about it. She was Olette's closest friend who was a girl…I think she tried to get her to dump him; well whatever she did, Olette wouldn't talk to her for two weeks.

Then Riku started to ignore Olette every now and again, sometimes he'd just disappear. He'd go off with his group I guess…and Olette would try and find him… she'd call his cell but it would go straight to voice-mail. And then she'd freak-out at him when she eventually found him but he'd laugh at her and get her to calm down; and she'd be stuck to his side for the following few days. Riku thought her behaviour was hilarious… it really pissed me off.

Olette started to kinda remind me of how Riku had been when I wouldn't talk… she was… she seemed a little unstable or something without him… It was like an addiction.

Anyway… I was still trying to stay friends with Riku. I would never argue with him or anything. But when I really started to realise what the effect he was having on Olette could result in; I decided to go 'round to his place and talk him out of it. It was seriously destroying her. She was a different person around him. And when he wasn't there it seemed like she was counting down how long it would take for him to reappear.

When I got to Riku's and his mom let me in she said he already had some one with him… I nearly left. I thought it would probably be Olette. I asked if his girlfriend was with him and she said if it was that would explain a lot. I didn't really think anything of her comment at the time…

So I went up the stairs… I went down the hallway… Riku's door was kinda open… but I decided to knock anyway… and then, just as I raised my hand, I saw Riku and some girl I didn't recognise…they were…they were getting up close and personal shall we say…

I didn't know what to do. I froze. I don't know how long I stood there but I felt paralysed and I couldn't think straight.

And then I ran.

I ran down the hall; trying to get as far away from him as I could. I heard a door open and Riku called my name but I kept running. I felt sick. I didn't understand why Riku had turned so heartless. I still don't… but now I'm used to it… at the time it was a shock…

That night I couldn't get to sleep because I kept trying to decide what to do about it. Should I tell Olette? But she'd break down… or she'd do something stupid… Should I confront Riku? I didn't know what to say though… and I didn't want to have to look at him; at the moment the thought of him left me kind of nauseous. Should I tell the rest of the group? No they'd get pissed off; none of them liked Riku… they'd do something bad… something that they'd regret.

So I did what I seemed to be best at back then; nothing.

The next day I barely said a word to anyone. I didn't know how to act. I tried to pretend nothing had happened… but I was barely talking and people realised something was up pretty easy. At lunch they asked what was wrong; I just shook my head and said nothing. They persisted so I left before I said something idiotic…

But then Riku cornered me. I tried to get away; I didn't want to see him. But he just grabbed my back and spun me around to face him… I asked him what he was playing at; how could he do what he was doing…how could he destroy Olette like that after all this time. It had been about two years since they started going out at this point. He just stared at me for a while and then he smiled at me like I was an idiot. It was totally patronising. Then he told me it didn't mean anything; sometimes he needed a break from Olette… she was suffocating him. I asked why he didn't break-up with her then. He said she was amusing; in a pathetic kind of way. Said it was funny. Asked why I was being such a little bitch about it; it was none of my business anyway.

So I decked him; broke his nose right there in the hallway:

Needless to say I was suspended.

And this is where everything gets a little foggy. I wasn't around so everything happening in school was a mystery. But _something_ happened anyway; something big, and something bad… And whatever it was it resulted in Olette finding out about…Riku's extra curricular activities. Even the people who were around at the time don't know what happened. But after school Olette had something like a break-down.

That much's for sure 'cause she phoned Selphie; she was in hysterics, Selphie couldn't make half of what she was saying out… but Olette had clearly shrieked something about Riku and some other girl down the line. Selphie tried to get her to calm down; she said she'd come 'round to Olette's place… but when she got there Olette was gone.

No one knew where she went… no one could find her… Selphie got us all out looking for her… We went 'round to Riku's… well _I_ went 'round to Riku's… but Riku wouldn't say anything about what had happened but that Olette had gone and he'd been in his house ever since; I could ask his mom.

Which I did; because at this point I didn't know what to believe.

But his mom said that some girl had showed up drunk and had started yelling abuse at Riku; so she'd shown her out.

It was getting worse by the minute. Olette was missing and she was drunk and we all knew something bad would happen if we didn't find her. She was still missing that night. And the next morning… and then….

And then by noon someone found her… She was at our spot; down this alleyway in town… whoever found her called the paramedics…but it was too late. She'd over-dosed on painkillers…

She was dead.

At the funeral; Riku acted the part. He looked completely devastated. I felt … _sorry _for him… I thought he'd realised what he'd done… but it was just an act. A week later he had a girlfriend. The girl I'd seen him cheating on Olette with; Fuu. I was disgusted by him… and ever since it's been like a war between us. Every single person in our group has a personal stake against him… it's not some stupid gangland turf war. It's like a feud.

A blood feud against _him_ for what he… for what he… _did_ to Olette.

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OH MY GOD!!!! so where WAS Olette the night before she died? What was going on behiend the scences? WHAT would make Riku do such a thing? Is all really what it seems? R&R

Remember 6 reviews before i update (and please bare in mind i'm back in school tomorrow and it's nearly time for my mock-exams on everything i've learnt in the past 3 years.)

:D Thank you for reading!

xoX-IHearSureal-Xox


	11. Banter and Bagtripping

**FIRST OFF! This chapter is also called "The Denail Game"; and seriously: Both Sora and Kairi are in denail about more then they admit... Fun Stuff:P**

**Hello my story reading chums! Yup i'm a tad weird; deal with it: does it really _matter_ what i'm like as long as my writing all good? Which i hope it is...review me your opinion:P OOooo on that subject i got a record-breaking 7 reviews on that last chapter! How Lovely! You people; you make me smile! Like the banana phone song or a holiday spritzer with honey from zumo juice bar (yup that was real) or quite a few things that have happened recently; such as getting into my drama school's "company" class (it's the advanced class you have to audition for. Much more serious. And colin farrel used to go to my drama school so that should give you a good idea of how MAJOR this is...oh i am so happy; except i may not look it cuz the uniform for classes is all black. Very gothic... But i like experimenting with different looks so i'm not complaining)...AND SKINS SERIES 2 IS STARTING AT THE VERY BEGINNING OF FEBUARY!!! OH MY GOD!!! SID AND CASSIE!!! okay i just realised that if your not from ireland or the UK that probabley won't mean anything to you and i'm sorry for bringing it up but it is sooo incredable! okay... END OF RANT:ABOUT THE CHAPTER; right; so this isn't really for plot developement; it's like the follow-up to the last chapter and some character-developement. I thought it would be nice to have a bit of relief after the drama of Olette and Riku (which i will unfold some more in the NEXT chapter)...but anyways i hope i did it well. I hope it fits in properly i mean... Realistically and all that jazz. Well i'm gona shut up now; cuz this has to be one of my longest pre-chapter notes of all time... oh and the bar has now been raised. 7 reviews are required to post Chapter eleven. As i said; Deal with it... Oh yeah; and you don't care (but my happieness is overflowing out my finger tips onto the keyboard which results in this coming out) BUT i got last week's AND this week's NME today; when i had lost ALL HOPE!!! IT WAS AMAZING! hmm but i'm not all smiles; my sister has gone back to oxford today to continue her international relations masters...oh well; there's always skype... **

_This chapter is dedicated to Shawn16 for being a seventh reviewer regardless! I mean; reviewing just cuz you want to is a wonderful thing to do! oh and to lebrezie who gave me this whole parallel story idea...i wonder when that'll start being published...hmm...well look out for it.. oh and to Jynx cuz she was so hyper impatient for this chapter she PM'd me to inform me of my 6th review. And of course Bexmar! YAY! LONG REVIEWS!!! To RoxasTheOther for not hating me for dissing Riku so much but getting angry at him instead_ _and to ILOVEAnime65 for using the term_ "GREATEST PART OF THE STORY"! _that was magic; thank you!!!_

Disclaimer: i don't own KH 1/2 or Bingo(but i don't think i needed to clarify either of those facts for you; you're all bright enough to work it out on your own).

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Chapter Ten

_Kairi_

I sat there; shocked.

Everything he'd told me had struck me speechless. Thoughts rushed through my head at lightening speed. Thoughts of Olette and all that had happened to her… Thoughts of Riku and how much he'd changed; questioning his motives for destroying a life so fully… and this weird unsettled feeling; quite unattached to Sora, or Olette, or Riku. Singular and painful; I wondered what it was, so laced with dread and remorse… but I couldn't quite place it. So I chose to ignore it. What else was there to do? I bottle emotions; remember? It's what I do.

I knew I was crying, but I ignored my tears: concentrating on what to say, or what to do. I needed to do _something_. I could only guess what Sora was feeling; he had kept his face carefully expressionless as he talked; staring away into the middle-distance; as he did now. Eyes averted to conceal any hint of emotion that might have passed through them. But hey; he _was_ a guy after all. Guys are even crappier at the emotional stuff then me. _ME_! The emotional fuck-up. But today I seemed more vulnerable to the whims of my feelings then usual. I fell victim to them at almost every opportunity. It was completely and utterly typical whiney teenage-girl behaviour; you know: that annoying mood-swing centred stereotype.

I felt so torn for him (in the wounded sense of the word). I wanted to stop whatever suffering he was in over these sorrowful memories of loss and betrayal. I wanted to get him to smile a genuine careless smile; free of the pain filled double-edge that I now realised had been present in his gestures each time I'd seen him since my return. But what could I possibly say to stop it?

As my mental search for these magic words of comfort failed, I squeezed his hand (still firmly holding mine) instead, as I brushed the clinging teardrops from my face. Thankfully I'd fixed my fake-up during history; reapplying cosmetics of the water-proof variety in an act that now seemed to have been carried out on premonition. I knew my stupid hand-squeeze wasn't much of a reassurance; but he turned to face me, and I was glad to see his face properly again.

"You're crying?" He made the clearly correct statement a surprised question.

"I'm crying" I replied; smiling a weak and watery smile.

"Look…Kai…I-I know Riku was one of your… one of _our_ best friends… but I really-"

"I know." I cut him off; not wanting to here his pleas for my well being when he was _definitely_ more affected by this then I was. He'd lost three of his best-friends in five years. I couldn't imagine how that must have felt. "It's okay… well it's _not_ okay but…it's… it's…"

I trailed off into silence; looking for the right words again.

"I think I know what you mean… I just… I had to tell you; before something happened. It was hard enough loosing Olette…but loosing you…like that I mean…or even just the same as before…" He mimicked my new-habit of leaving sentences unfinished.

He looked at me directly for the first time since he'd turned to me. He had been looking at the ground, but now he was looking straight into my eyes… but his watch was like it had been this morning. Piercing me again; as though not looking into my eyes but through them. It was unsettling, but in a good way. My pulse was back to its rapid beat, yet was still somehow getting quicker and quicker; and though this kept happening I was _not_ growing accustomed to the sensation. I felt hypnotised. Bewitched or something. It was stupid and sounded like something from the low-quality pages of a cheap melodramatic romance novel. But what struck me most about this comparison was the "Romance" part… I mean; Sora and me… we weren't really a pairing from that genre; right? Seriously… it was idiotic of me to feel this way just because we had our fingers laced together, while sitting side-by-side in a deserted hallway, and he was looking at me and no one else with his big breathtaking blue eyes. What was so lovey-dovey about _that_?

'Wait… that didn't sound the way I thought it did …_Oh crap_… It's Sora you idiot! Snap the hell out of it!' I thought; mentally slapping myself in the face.

But I kept falling further into the strangely seductive trap of his gaze; and _this_ time around there was no classroom of pupils or English lit. Teacher to stop me doing something which, mind-meltingly tempting as it was to me at that moment, was just plain dumb.

'You'll regret it later' said a swiftly diminishing voice in my head. But I didn't care.

Reason had escaped me and I knew I was screwed.

I couldn't stop myself leaning closer.

I couldn't stop myself from tugging his hand so the space between us began to disappear.

I couldn't help felling that maybe, just _maybe_, there was a possibility that what I was about to do would help heal Sora's pain…

And maybe some of my own too…

And then the bell rang and the hallway began to echo with the voices of approaching students.

I released a sigh; whether out of relief, or regret, or some other unidentified emotion: I couldn't tell you. I looked away; breaking the gaze while I still could. I tried to steady my breathing. I tried to steady my thoughts.

"Shit!" an unexpected exclamation came from the boy I was most definitely _not_ looking at.

I wondered what he was thinking about… whether maybe he hadn't wanted the bell to ring either… whether maybe he'd had something similar on his mind just moments before it had…

"What?" I asked; risking a glance in his direction.

"I skipped history! What the fuck was I thinking?" He exclaimed; hitting his head off the wall behind him. And I felt like hitting my head off the wall too; for being such an imbecile thinking that maybe Sora had… 'Stop whining Kairi, it won't make anything better.' I told myself. I decided to lighten up a little, hopefully Sora hadn't noticed anything. He was a guy after all.

"You were thinking you had to get the hell away from me as fast as possible." I smirked, he blushed; to my amusement. "But don't worry. I covered for you and Roxas backed me up."

"How did y-"

"Well; you were legging it to the nurse's office as soon as the bell rang-" I said as though that was clearly what had happened.

"But he can just check with the n-" He cut me off, exasperated, but I returned the favour; continuing regardless.

"But you knew you weren't gonna make it; so instead of throwing your guts up all over the place, we saw you slam through the bathroom door and disappear. By the looks of things…well; we didn't think you'd be out anytime soon; so we stopped him from getting his hopes up and he ticked the 'present' box." I explained.

He gawked at me in awe and utter disbelief; causing me to smirk again.

"What?" I asked; batting my eyelashes innocently, fishing for compliments.

"How come you… Where did you… Why are you… Since _when _are you such an expert in all this kinda stuff?" He asked, struggling to string together a coherent question; gaping open-mouthedly like his friends before him.

I looked down; hiding my eyes and pursing my lips slightly. A question like this was not what I'd been aiming for.

"Well; shit happens. You have to learn how to do certain things when you want to drive a family to the point of disowning you." I carefully kept all but the over-powering anger and a stubborn dash of regret from hacking through my mask of confident ease which (when in my right mind) I displayed to the general public.

Sora reached forward and tilted up my chin so he could see my face again; frowning a little when he saw my expression.

"How about we both try not to think about the past as much as possible" He suggested.

'Ah; the denial game…hmm…I like it.' I thought, smiling as strongly as I could manage as I pushed back the unwanted memories.

"Fine. It's a deal!" I replied.

And then, out of nowhere, he hugged me.

"Thanks again Kai; if I'd gotten caught mitching off class again then-"

"Again?" I queried; mainly trying to distract myself from a number of things.

One; there wasn't an inch between us… in fact: scrap that. There wasn't a centimetre between us. He had his arms wrapped so tight around me I could hardly breathe. Not that lack of air was top of my list of concerns at that moment… though I guess it should have been…

Two; He was so unbelievably warm and soft I didn't ever want to let go. I was always so freezing all the time; I'd given up hope on heat. Yet the fact that he managed to make me so thoroughly warm was disturbing on so many levels it wasn't funny… when he offered the denial game I'd secretly added all the mixed confusing feelings I kept getting around him into the little box in my head I'd placed the memories. I was trying to ignore them; but _this_ wasn't helping. 'Don't you just hate hormones?' I thought.

And Three; He smelled like heaven. Oh god. That sounded really weird, but it was true. His scent was amazing and indescribable and intoxicating (unfortunately, shame on me, I would know).

Luckily for me though he replied quickly; bringing me crashing back to reality.

"I thought we just made a deal to try not to think about the past." He commented.

"You're the one who brought it up." I replied; preaching the truth to shield from view so words things that fought to claw their way out of my throat.

"How 'bout we just go to class?" He asked.

People were now crowding the hallways around us and I could see we had an audience of curious eyes. 'Wonderful' I thought sarcastically.

I began letting go; and he got up holding out a hand to help me get back on my feet. I accepted the offer. But as I pulled myself up I caught my foot in Sora's bag (which was lying on the floor in an awkward position) and fell backwards; tugging Sora with me. I ended up back against the wall with Sora's left hand supporting him above my head to the right and his right hand still in mine, his right foot connected at the side of my left, and his left toe to my right. In short; it looked like he had just pinned me against the wall, while holding my hand and leaning in. It also didn't help that we were panting slightly out of shock. Smooth, and _totally _easy to misinterpret. Oh god. This was cringe-worthy.

"Graceful much Kai?" He quirked and eyebrow.

There was something ridiculously tempting about his breath on my face.

"Hey! You're the one who fell on me!" I retorted.

"Yeah, 'cause you tripped." He noted.

"On _your_ bag!" I pointed out

"That wa-"

"Hey guys…Catching up?" Selphie appeared seemingly out of thin air… but then again we were both a little distracted. I looked to see she was followed by the rest of the group. She somehow made her question sound suggestive. I was thankful, once again, for applying stronger make-up. I had no idea if I was blushing or not; but if I was, luckily it was hidden. Me and Sora glanced at each other and then looked back at them…that is the group. All of them were wearing various expressions that ranged from shocked to amused; yet all somehow seemed to agree with the tone of Selphie's question.

Sora, to my surprise wasn't embarrassed in the least. He'd blushed quite a few times during our conversation; but his friend's clearly displayed conclusion didn't provoke the slightest tinge of colour to stain his cheeks. For some reason this made me smile a little, with an odd sense of satisfaction. Sora stepped back to give me some room; letting go of my hand.

"Actually; I was just saving Kairi here from her incredible clumsiness."

I pouted at this… and then smirked.

"This is coming from the guy who fell off of the paupou tree into the sea a record-breaking eight times in one day." I replied.

"I WAS PUSHED! It wasn't _my_ fault." He shot back in the defensive.

"You have no balance! Deal with it; Dumbass!" I mocked a little; still in playful jest.

"Which red-headed tool just fell over; dragging me with her?" He asked sarcastically.

"Who was retarded enough to leave their bag in the way?" I pretended to ponder the possible answer to the question.

"Don't answer a question with a question." He stated, folding his arms.

"Don't give me some grammar lesson when you run out of come-backs!" I told him.

"Guys!" cried Selphie bringing us back to reality, yet again looking totally bemused. The rest of the seemed to portray similar levels of confusion; really they all seemed to be part of a collective mind or something. Only Naminé remained impassive.

"Yes?" We asked in sync.

"NO JYNX!" shouted Sora before I could beat him to the punch and shut him up.

"Damn it." I muttered.

"GUYS! Seriously; look around you! We're gonna be late" This time it was Roxas who spoke.

We both looked around; realising they were right.

"Nice going twatter; now we're all screwed thanks to you." I exclaimed; blaming Sora while giving him a light punch on the arm.

"What the fuck is a twatter?" He asked; rubbing the spot where I'd hit him.

"How about you look yourself up in the dictionary and find out?" I replied. "Come on; let's go!"

I began to walk; but after a few paces I realised my mistake.

"Um…Kai? We have Science on the C floor…where the hell are you going?" Of course it was Sora who pointed out my error so blatantly.

I glanced at the objects I was heading for…lockers…classrooms…BINGO! A way to keep my pride. The perfect excuse…well…not really; but it was good enough.

"Water fountain; I'm parched." I lied deftly; walking towards the thirst-quencher and taking a draught.

"Now, where to?"

* * *

**_SYKE!!!! _HAHAHAHAHA!!!** sorry if you thought they were gonna score (kiss; make-out...whatever you wanna call it) but nope not a chance; i mean Kairi's only been in school for a DAY! It'd be a bit sudden really; wouldn't it? hmm what did you think of the banter? Was it good? And did i transit from the tone of the last chapter to the tone of this one well? Oooo and why was Kairi feeling "this weird unsettled feeling; quite unattached to Sora, or Olette, or Riku. Singular and painful... so laced with dread and remorse."? Will she (or anyone else) work out what it is? 

Well next chapter we'll continue down the Riku/Olette storyline road...but only after 7 reviews... and i was wondering if someone New could review. New reviewers are sometimes even considered to count as two reviewers cuz they add a vaired view to my wonderful-dedicated (loyal even) reviewers... Varied views are my friends...as long as they don't flame.:D

anyways; until next time (or if you want PM me; i don't mind)

xoX-IHeartSureal-Xox


	12. Secrets of the Past

**Hello my dear readers, how are we this fine evening? I for one have a headache. Wonderful. You know what else is wonderful? The fact that it's kinda hard to show sarcasm through writing. Unless you're describing someone else or something... In stories it's fine; but peronal writing and notes like this... well you can't really do it properly, can you? Anyways; here is a snippet of story backround. Riku centred and hopefully a window in to whatever it was that made him do the things he did. It's not the longest chapter; but I think it's important to give more details about the character's past as i go along. I mean; Seriously. What is a story good for if all the characters are 2D. Anywho... I GOT 9 REVIEWS ON THE LAST CHAPTER AND A REVIEW ON CHAPTER 4 AS WELL!!! How Magic! Wow! Really; all of you people who review; well: you're Lovely! Oh and By The Way there is a NEW PROLOGUE! I want peoples views on whether or not it's better then the old one. I tried to get some people's opinions yesterday; but no one was online at the right time. Oh well. Hmmm Let me see now... what else was there... OH! OF COURSE! Okay Listen up everyone! I want to recomend The AmAzInG fanfic Pieces of heart:a forgotten memory by the wonderful lebrezie! This chapter was in fact delayed because i got so wrapped up in reading it! So sorry! But come on! Give it a hit! It's magic...i have to stop saying that... Moving on; my standard has raised (i do hope fanfic popularity isn't making me egotistical... oh dear) I need 10 reviews for chapter 12! THAT'S RIGHT! 10 REVIEWS FOR CHAPTER 12! now now; don't get angry. You know how to speed things up! Just click on go beside submit review; and there you have it!**

_Okay; Let me see... this is for FlowerLady-Aerith; i was soooo extatic after that review. OH. My. GOD. Seriously; read it! She's soooo nice! Wow! It also goes out to KhCrystal for the anticipatin, IanSnyderIsLove for reviewing on chapter four (it's nice to get reviews on older chapters; i like knowing that they havn't gone forgotten), Jynx for picking up on the fluff and being the first to review (that girl beat you All to the punch! hehe), Bexmar for waiting long enough for it to load and not just giving up in frustration (:D), OathkeeperKeybearer for managing to fit in opinions that she couldn't subit earlier(any opinions you've had on something that happend in a previous point are welcome!),RoxasTheOther for pure enthusiasim in its purest form ("SEVEN":P), lebrezie for recomending her brilliant fanfic and for everything she managed to put in the review (i think that might have been my longest review yet), and to ILOVEAnime65 and Banana71588 (i don't know what either of you were atlking about; so could you please clarify! Sorry... maybe i'm just being realy, really thick: it wouldn't be the first time). THANK YOU ALL SOOO MUCH!!! YAY!!!_

Further notes: I say colour instead of color, I say i have a fringe instead of bangs, we all speak English in Ireland: but we are taught irish and somepeople do actually speak it as their main language but this is dieing out (it all comes back to colonialisation... watch the movie Michael Collins-it may not be that historically accurate in some points; but it's sooo good and would explain some stuff about our war of independence better then i could), and Twatter is a word (it comes from twat and means idiot).

_Disclaimer: I don't own KH 1/2, but did anyone honestly think i did?_

**_10 REVIEWS FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER!_ **

now, sorry how long that took; on with the story!

* * *

Chapter Eleven

_Third Person Perspective_

Riku was a cute little kid. He stood out from the crowd; his silver hair an exclamation mark…but he didn't mind. You don't notice that kind of attention when you're that age. Though he _was_ smart. Funny even; intentionally so: which was unusual for a child of his youth. But he was just like that. Unusual. A lot of his early-developed personality traits seemed to echo those of his father. The mannerisms he seemed to be developing were obvious imitations, and his gestures were likewise. The ways in which he stood, or crossed his arms, or made sweeping hand-movements…well…they all seemed a little ridiculous; too mature for one _so_ young. I mean; it was a little un-nerving seeing a three year old behave this way. But as time passed he became better practiced. When he reached four; he had them perfected. It was funny to see him beside his father. He looked like a downsized model. Riku's mother loved her son so much; so happy he seemed to be so like her husband (whom she was still as deeply in love with as she had been on their wedding day). She and her husband were considering having more children; as Riku brought them such satisfying delight.

Two months before his first day of school, when Riku was nearly four and a half, his father had a heart-attack while in the super-market. He was dead before he hit the ground. It was so unexpected. He had barely had a head cold in two years… maybe the occasional headache…but this? No one could have anticipated it.

Riku's mother never looked at him the same way again. She couldn't bare the sight of his face. The likeness to his father, previously thought to be so adorable, was now loathed… and she hated herself for feeling this way towards her own child; but she couldn't stand it. It was insufferable. She often ignored him in the weeks following the funeral; she set out his meals and did his laundry… but she barely said a word to the little boy. She was afraid of the things that may have come out if she tried to speak to him. And so Riku was left in the dark; not understanding why his mommy wouldn't talk to him, or where his daddy had gone to.

After a month, relations and friends alike began to realise the full extent of Riku's mother's depression, and the effect it was having on her son (who had, in a way, lost both his parents). It was decided that Riku would go stay with his grand-parents for as long as it took his mother to recover; she needed some time alone to deal with her grief. It was also decided that they would hold Riku back from starting school; they felt that so much change at a time would harm him. They were trying to protect him as much as they could.

It took a long time, almost a year, for Riku to return home. His mother greeted him with a smile; hugging him tightly and kissing him on the cheek.

"I missed you!" she whispered; her breath tickling his ear.

But Riku could tell that something was slightly off-colour about her welcome. She was looking at him again though, and talking to him, and listening to him. Paying him attention. Trying to make up for her previous vacancy. But Riku still felt a bit lonely at home. The attention of one parent could never equal the attention of two.

So; as his first day of school neared, Riku was breathless with anticipation for the forging of friends. Kids to talk to, kids that might listen to him. Kids in general actually. Riku hadn't spent that much time around kids his age. He had cousins, but they were older then him. But now was his opportunity. School in all its glory.

However; when he finally began his education, everything didn't happen like he'd expected it would. He found that making friends was harder then he thought. He was different then the other kids after spending so much time around adults. And the other kids noticed his differences. They didn't make fun of him or anything; they just didn't talk to him that much. Well most of them didn't anyway; except for one.

At the start of his second week of school, Riku was sitting alone (on one of the benches that surrounded the playground) during recess. He had become shy around his classmates and didn't feel like joining in, for fear of making some kind of faux pas. And so he sat; eating his lunch in reclusion…or so he thought.

"Hi!" a voice called from behind him.

Riku nearly jumped out of his skin. He only just managed to stop his lunch box from clattering to the ground.

"Gee, sorry. I didn't mean to scare you." Said a boy with ludicrously spiky chocolate-brown hair; sitting down on the bench beside him. "I was just wondering if I could eat my lunch with you. I'm in Mrs. Sato's class too. You're Riku; right?"

"And you are?" Riku replied; regaining some composure.

"Sora. Pleased t'meet you!" He answered brightly.

"Likewise." Said Riku; smiling slightly for the first time since last Wednesday.

"Likewise?" Sora asked; puzzled.

"Me too" A proper grin appeared across Riku's face. This kid was pretty nice… maybe they could be friends or something…..

And they were. Best friends. Riku found company in Sora. He didn't look at him funny or ignore him; he listened to him. He included him in games, and had him over to his house. They were soon inseparable. Riku was completely dependant on Sora; though Sora knew nothing of this. Riku never shared his past. He never explained why he was in class with kids a year younger then him. And Sora never asked. But Riku was perfectly happy to stay silent on these subjects; hadn't they caused him so much pain already? So why should he tell Sora? He saw no reason to; and deep down he feared that Sora would start ignoring him if he knew the truth.

Sora, however, saw nothing of these fears. He didn't know that Riku hadn't told him about some of the most important events of his life. He didn't know that there were secrets between them; waiting in the wings to tear them apart. They were _happy_. They played together every day. On weekends they sometimes went to the beach; one or other of their parents supervising. Sora sometimes wondered why Riku didn't have a dad to watch them on such occasions. He asked his mom about it; and she said that not everybody had two parents around to look after them. So Sora thought no more of such things. It just became a fact of life; Riku didn't have a father. In Sora's mind; that was just the way it was. Even later, when he was old enough to know better; it never crossed his mind. Maybe if She had never arrived; he would have wondered what had caused Riku to be short one parent… but She didn't have any mom _or_ dad, and when he asked her about it: She got upset. So even if he had realised that there was something wrong with his mental map of Riku's family tree; he may not have even brought it up.

Her arrival changed so many things.

Riku, in future, would count the day he spotted Kairi washed up on the beach as one of the worst days of his life. He had been the first to see her; he thought she had drowned. He ran over to her, trying to feel her pulse the way they always did in the movies; when carachters were thrown into such situations. He felt…something. Did that mean she was alive? And where was Sora? This was more important then a game of hide and seek. 'He's probably in his stupid cave. I hate that place.' Riku thought to himself. He looked back at the girl; wondering what he should do.

'I should go get Sora's Dad.' He concluded after barely ten seconds of thought.

And so he ran; across the sand up the steps, across the boardwalk, through the door, past the shack; running as fast as he could until he found the man he was looking for taking a nap under a coconut tree.

"Mr. Sora's Dad? Mr. Sora's Dad! Wake up; I found something!" Riku shook the man awake. Why did he say something? Shouldn't he have said someone?

"Oh; Riku. What did you find; a pretty shell?" said Sora's father sitting up and dusting the sand out of his hair.

"No… a girl thing! A human girl thing!" Riku replied urgently.

"What? You found a girl? Well good for you; but you're a bit young aren't you? Well never mind; what's her name?"

"I DON'T KNOW! I think she's DEAD or … or SOMETHING!!!"

"What? Where is she? Come on Riku; show me where she is."

And so Riku began to run again.

But when they got there; Sora was crouched down; brushing the hair from the girl's face and holding her hand. Riku felt something pang in his chest; but he didn't know what it was. Something about him seeing Sora and this girl… it made him angry. But he didn't know why.

As Sora heard their pounding footsteps; he turned. He looked shocked, scared… almost protective.

"Dad? Is… Is she-"

"Sora move over and let me see her, I can't tell you anything until you let me see her."

So Sora moved; but not over to Riku. He moved around to sit on the girl's other side, staring down at her as though no one else was on the beach. And Riku felt the pang again; but this time it didn't disappear. It lodged itself somewhere deep in his chest. And with time it grew…

Kairi was soon introduced as "best friend" number three.

Riku didn't like this. He didn't like it at all. Kairi began to live with Sora's family; and there was no way of hanging out with Sora with out _her_ tagging along. They were inseparable. They started having these random jokes that Riku didn't understand, and telling stories which ended with "…oh you had to be there."

When Kairi eventually ended up in the boarding school; Riku thought that maybe things would return to normality. But no; Sora made sure that he got Kairi out whenever they did anything. The school officials were annoyingly lenient with the red-head. And they even gave her pocket-money. They were just like any other parents; except there were lots of them taking shifts. So Kairi got even more attention. Riku resented her more with every day that passed. He acted friendly enough around her; but that was only because of Sora. He didn't want to loose Sora's friendship. It was all that he had. Otherwise he would be completely alone.

He was happy; the day that Kairi left, that is. Hopeful for a future without her in it. He hugged her; said he'd miss her so much (as if), and then let her go. Simple as that. Sora, however, was holding on to her for about ten minutes. Then she kicked him and kissed him on the cheek. Riku didn't know what to make of this. As she ran away he realised Sora's cheeks were damp from hot tears. Riku had a feeling this was bad news.

And he was right; Sora stopped talking. Actually stopped completely. The last words he'd spoken were the ones he had yelled after Kairi as she ran away towards the car. When she left... he was frozen; and Riku was gripped by a panic-filled terror. It seemed like he was four years old again; and everything was as it had been then. He was ignored. Shunned. His words seemed to reach no destination. He felt dread and fear begin to claw away at him; in his stomach. And then eventually; he lost it. He seriously exploded. Nearly everything he was feeling erupted from his mouth right into Sora's shell-shocked face. The fact he was leaving Riku all alone. The fact that he didn't care about him as much as he cared about Kairi. The fact that now no one was there to listen to him; no one was there to talk to. To Riku; it felt like it was all Sora's fault. And Riku made sure Sora knew that.

Sora started talking again after that.

And then middle school came.

* * *

I think that was interesting enough really; the backround of each character is important in this fic and i know this leaves alot of riku's actions unexplained. But there will be more about it; obviously. I'm not just randomly gona drop it. Anyways I want to know what everyone thought! NOW! SO REVIEW!!!

:P

xoX-IHeartSureal-Xox


	13. Bubble Wrapping the Former Noiseaphobe

Chapter Twelve

_Sora_

I was lying on my bed; legs crossed, and hands behind my head. I was kind of dazed. This had been a really, really weird day. I just... I didn't know how to feel about it. Any of it. Whatever I was feeling was too tangled and new for me to work out. I tried to think through what had happened.

The day had continued in a blur of confused emotions. Around Kairi... well... I was never quite sure of myself. Something about being near her; it was unsettling yet addictive. When we were in the hallway; well...First; when she said that she hadn't hung up, when she said that she'd tried to write... I felt this incredible relief. Happiness flooded through me... but then apart from that; I didn't believe a word of what she said about the note, but I didn't tell her because I could see she was upset about it. She seemed pretty messed up; and I knew that this all came back to me. Yet again; if she hadn't had to leave, or if she had never known me: she wouldn't have had to go through all of the things she had...whatever they were. I wished that someday she'd tell me... I wanted to try and help her; but I knew nothing about her anymore: nothing except for the child she once was... but she wasn't that child anymore. And I didn't want to start some pointless fight in an effort to get her to realise my faults. So; I chose to leave her in ignorance... or was it denial as promised? Whatever it was; at least it wasn't bringing her to tears. Those teardrops streaming down her face... to me they were like little drops of acid. When I saw them they seemed to begin corroding a hole somewhere in my stomach. I couldn't stand to see her like that; so I lied. I shouldn't have, I knew I should have told her the truth... and in a way I did. Some of it. Half the story. But I couldn't tell her the rest. I wasn't able to.

Olette... well... she wasn't something that could be told. She wasn't a story. She had been a girl, and now she was dirt. The funeral was something I'd never forget. She lay in the coffin, her casket half-open... when I saw her: something just... clicked. Well; that's not the right word. But I don't know the right word; so it'll do. Anyway; when I saw her something in me clicked. She wasn't her. She was broken. Shut down. Program terminated. She was absent. Nothing but an object. Weight and mass made up of slowly rotting cells. I saw a body, but she'd left. I didn't see her. I saw something that looked like her, but at the same time it was nothing like her. They had whatever it was covered over with some kind of transparent "lace" fabric; packaged up for storage in a 5"4 box. It was like a pair of shoes wrapped up in paper within their container. She was an item; as though she had never been human... and this scared me. And somehow; so did letting it all out. Letting myself tell someone how she ended up being dropped into a deep dirt hole they called a grave. Sharing my guilty memories. Anyway; some of it wasn't really my story at all... I could only tell Kairi about the bits of Olette's life that had overlapped with mine directly. The bits that mixed with my friends? Even though I knew most of them; they didn't belong to me. I guess it wasn't exactly a secret; but something in me told me to treat it like one... as though this was somehow doing Olette a favour, like I was giving her back her privacy or something.

Still; even though I hadn't spilt all my guts to Kairi straight off: it was still ridiculous I had spilt half of them... sort of unbelievable actually. I had trust issues. I knew I had. I was paranoid, I couldn't let anyone see the full picture, I hated myself, I hated the world: it was a wonder that in one day Kairi had made it seem like all these things were half gone... a wonder that she'd made me open up in anyway. She'd made it seem like old times; the teenage awkwardness didn't feature... except for in those timeless moments I couldn't shake. But still they weren't awkward really... they were just different. To me at least. I wasn't sure what they meant.

_"I'm sorry… I was scared… a-and I, and I don't kn-know what to say…"_

Her black tears sent a shiver down my spine; I wanted to say something, anything, to make them disappear. I wanted to stop whatever suffering she felt. But I didn't know what to say.

_"Kairi?"_

My voice was unsure. I was unsure. And then she started to try to get up and I knew I had to stop her.

_"Sorry, I'm being so stupid… I should go; you probably don't want to talk to me now you know-"_

And that's when I took her hand. It was reflex. It was natural. So why did I get this weird tingle around the base of my neck; causing the hairs to stand on end? But I ignored it. What she had said had been ludicrous and now she was going to leave. She was really telling the truth when she had said that she never quite worked out how to keep herself sane; that was definitely correct. She wasn't thinking coherently at all. It was probably due to the fact that she was freaking out though; in retrospect.

_"Kairi, why wouldn't I want to talk to you? Now; I __am__ gonna calm you down… well I'm gonna __try__ calm you down…okay?"_

So I put her head on my shoulder and held her there. And at that moment, it was weird, but I didn't want to let go. I didn't want to ever move. I didn't want to crash back into reality and its stupid friend time which would inevitably force life to continue. I just wanted to sit in that empty hallway with Kairi there beside me indefinitely.

_"Okay, but you're such an idiot, you know that? You jump to all these conclusions without even talking to me. You were so incredibly wrong it's not funny…and… oh… oh __my_god_!"_

This is where I said something like

_"What? What's wrong?"_

Which was a stupid thing to ask. I mean; she was verbally spazzing at me. Freaking out; still convinced that she was right and I'd done nothing wrong. _That_, in itself, was wrong. But then... I don't know... just: the way she sounded kinda shocked when she said "_oh my god_" just kind of made the question pop out.

_"Nothing, I just realised something that had been bugging me… nothing of importance…"_

Something about her voice as she said it sounded sort of self-conscious or embarrassed. I wondered why that was... but no blush seemed to stain her tear-streaked cheeks... maybe I was just imagining things...

_"Okay, if you say so…"_

At that moment I had this really weird longing to be able to crack open her mind and watch all her thoughts spill on the floor where they'd be clear and easy to read. The opposite of Kairi. Sure; at first she seemed to let everything on her mind erupt from her mouth... but then, if you were paying close attention, you'd start to notice little holes in the things she was saying. You'd see how she could censor out some unknown piece of information and keep talking as though she was really delivering the full picture. This, however, was the first time she had clearly brought to light the fact that she wasn't making her thoughts known. Just her thoughts on my mental incompetence.

_"Sora?"_

I glanced back at her. The inky-hued teardrops still steadily cascading across her cheekbones; collecting at her jaw line and forming larger beads of salty water: just to drip-drip-drip down on to her beige "_**KABOOM**_" T-shirt. I wondered what she was going to say next; I was beginning to realise she had become quite unpredictable in her absence.

_"Mmm-hmm?"_

She was staring at our hands. Not as though she was uncomfortable or anything; she just looked like she was really thinking about what she was about to say... as though something was worrying her.

_"Do you… do you understand? Like, really understand? Because I can't have you blaming yourself for all this… I'm not the only one who needs cheering up, I realise that… and even if you're the one who started holding my hand; I'm holding it back… 'kay?"_

I was kind of surprised... slightly shocked I guess... I don't know... she was just so ridiculously perceptive. She was on to me. Even if she didn't know everything going on inside my head; she was zoning in like an empath when it came to the tone of my thoughts... when it came to how I felt. Or was my act just that unconvincing? Was my mask semi-transparent? Maybe I wasn't fooling anyone; I was completely shit at fooling myself in all fairness.

_"Okay… thanks Kai."_

In a way... I guess it was nice of her... but having people care like that... I dunno... it made me feel guilty. I didn't deserve it...and here was Kairi; back from wherever the hell she'd been (by the sound of it somewhere such as Hades), crying her beautiful eyes out, clutching my hand as though it was the only thing she had left... and she was worried about me. She cared. And I wasn't worth it.

_"You know what's weird? No one but you has ever called me Kai. No one. Not fosters or the other kids in the places I've lived in… not even Riku-"_

It was clear she was trying to cheer me up; raise my spirits by distracting me from the woes of life by changing the topic to whatever came to mind first. But when she said his name... I never wanted to hear her say anything about him again. The things he'd said earlier rang in my ears. He was going to try pull something. I knew he was. And I knew that if what had happened to Olette happened to Kairi it would be so much worse. I felt horrible for thinking this. Olette had been one of my closest acquaintances... but Kairi... Kairi was Kairi. And no one could replace her. I'd only just got her back; and she was crying about something stupid... I'd hate to wittiness the effect something like that would have on her. I wouldn't be able to live with it. I'd probably end up killing that son of a bitch before I even knew what I was doing. It would break me. And the thought of Kairi under that lace covering; lying in a satin lined box, soon to be nailed in...

_"Kairi; stay away from Riku."_

It was out of my mouth before I even realised I was saying it. Before she'd finished pronouncing his name. But I had to stop her. I had to make her safe. I had to keep the past in the past. There was this terrible fear in the back of my mind; a fear that history would repeat itself. 'No' I thought 'I wouldn't... I wouldn't do what I did. I couldn't. I'm smarter now. I wouldn't make those stupid mistakes. I wouldn't trust him. I don't care about him anymore. He means nothing. Why would I listen to him?'But I was terrified that I'd mess up. And if she knew all I had done to let it happen; would she think me any better than him? Would she stay away from him at all? Or would she think me worse for making everything possible? Would she never speak to me again? I became hyper-aware of her hand safely intertwined with my own. I could feel her pulse, keeping a regular pace... I realised her heartbeat seemed to be in sync with my own as I felt the rhythm of her blood keep tempo with my own.

_"What the fuck happened? Seriously? First you and Roxas are talking about some 'war' and then Roxas is going on about Riku doing 'some stuff that a lot of people will never understand' and now this!"_

At last she managed to distract me as I realised where she must have been to have overheard the conversation she seemed so agitated about. So I wasn't going crazy after all... but I didn't know whether or not to be relieved about this. Not going crazy I mean. 'Then' I thought back 'she must have been somewhere nearby...' But I couldn't figure out where she could have been hiding.

_"So you __were__ there! Where the hell were you hiding? You seriously had me thinking I was finally loosing it!"_

The road was empty, she was only a couple of seconds ahead, she didn't have a shovel that I could see, there was no convenient doghouse, or Rabbit Hole to Wonderland... so; where could she have been?

_"I was in the bush; had just about enough time to dive into it before you got round the corner. I got some nasty cuts from that, by the way, and I'm blaming you!"_

She hid in a bush to get away from me. She HID in a BUSH to get away from me? Well I'm not surprised she ended up with some pretty nasty cuts; firstly it was a stupid thing to do, and secondly it was karma. Pure Karma. Instant Karma. But where was karma now when she was punching me in the arm and blaming me for her cosmic fine... or payback... or whatever... karma; okay?

_"It was hardly my fault that you didn't have enough guts to come up to me and admit you'd been stalking me-"_

I realised that she must have been in the cave too. I realised she had hidden from me time and time again. She had practically been stalking me. Why hadn't she said something?

_"I wasn't stalking you! I didn't mean to go to your house; I wasn't concentrating and I just kind of ended up on your front lawn… oh and I had no way of knowing that you were in the alcove either… but anyway; answer the question."_

She didn't mean to go to my house? She just kind of ended up outside my front door without meaning to be there? What the hell was she on, seriously, proscription pain medication or something? Had she mixed antibiotics with alcohol and thought that bush diving would be a fun new past-time? I was so bemused I didn't quite realise what she was talking about when she said 'Answer the question'.

_"What question?"_

It was clear by the look on her face as I said this she thought I was just playing dumb or something. It still took me a couple of moments to connect the dots and realise exactly what question she was talking about. The one I didn't want to answer.

_"Do you want me to punch you again; 'cause this time I will seriously put some weight into it."_

She said it as though she actually thought it was a threat. It was kind of cute, in retrospect. At the time I was torn between not wanting to piss her off, not wanting to tell her everything, not wanting her to hate me, and not wanting to tell her nothing and make her think I didn't trust her or offend her or something. It was a touchy subject (to say the least) to start off with. I wished in vain that it had never been brought up.

_"Kai I don't want to talk about it… okay?"_

And I didn't. I really, really didn't

_"No actually; not okay. He was our best friend. The third of our trio. I want to know what he did."_

When she put it like that I knew that from that perspective I was being unreasonable. And maybe from my own I was to. I knew I was definitely being selfish; if nothing else. I looked at her; straight into her eyes, trying desperately not to get lost in their depths. I searched for something, anything that would tell me I was right. Any sign of a weakness in her or a foothold to grab onto. But her defences, unlike mine, were made of steel. There was no opening I could find to justify myself. I had to tell her. I had to give myself up. Still I was kind of amazed at her apparent power over me. I didn't know how she did it. I sighed.

_"I don't know how you do it."_

Something about her eyes seemed to hypnotise me into speaking my exact thoughts completely unintentionally.

_"Do what exactly?"_

Unsurprisingly; she hadn't a clue what I meant by my non-sequitur comment. It didn't really link up; I mean: 'I want to know what he did' 'I don't know how you do it.' It was almost as if I was talking to her as Riku; even though I most definitely wasn't... but when It was taken out of my own personal context; it made very little sense.

_"Make me agree to things like this. It's stupid. Maybe it's just because I've missed you; that's probably what's weakening my defences_."

I tried to explain... and then a little too much came out. Some of the weird emotions from earlier on today spilled out. I guess my brain was still a little mushy, and the effects of looking into her eyes for any length of time began to show. She was extraordinary. She was beautiful. She was Kairi. And yet again; she was holding my hand... but that really didn't mean anything. We always used to hold hands when we were younger if one of us was sad or panicked or had grazed a knee. Sure, the other kids teased us a little... but after a while it got old... I think they realised we didn't really care; I mean, they had thought I was weird from around the second week of school... after I started hanging out with Riku. They thought I was weirder for finding some girl with no memory to join my little group. The popularity gradually built-up when they thought we were like some exclusive group or something... it just happened; I'm not sure how. And I really couldn't care less. I hated it. I preferred it when I was a freak. Kairi interrupted my ever changing train of thoughts in a manner I was still not quite used to... I mean; from her.

_"Shut up and get on with it."_

I couldn't help but smile a little at this. It just seemed kind of ridiculous coming from her mouth. She's been a prissy little kid. She had this thing where she couldn't stand people saying the word belly; she thought it was "vulgar"... lord knows where she got that from... you'd swear she was born with blue-blood. She hated playtime in school; she used to get angry about the kids being noisy. She freaked out about fairytale villains; like the big bad wolf. She used to have nightmares about them. She thought they were terrifying. She could barely watch a Disney movie; as though the evil witch would show up on her doorstep with a poison apple and whisk her away to an evil lair. She only played with "proper" dolls (Barbies didn't count) and she would never wear trousers. Only skirts and dresses. And now she was telling me to shut up. She seriously seemed like the kind of person who could street fight some teenage gang and kicks their juvie-destined asses single handed. It was kind of hilarious.

_"Why so rude? You never used to even tell people to shut up, now you're swearing!"_

I couldn't help mocking her a little... and anyway; it was buying me extra time. I was already mentally editing the truth into the form I'd tell to her. I'd decided I'd try to keep her away from Riku, keep her as a friend, and still tell her the most major points (the ones that didn't interfere with these to aims) as well as I could.

_"Sora, I was ten; now I'm fifteen. Deal with it okay?"_

She had a point; but still... the way she said it... it was just so weirdly funny I couldn't quite drop it yet.

_"So what; you're like a __badass__ now?"_

I really wanted her to say badass. Seriously. Hearing her say fuck wasn't that funny at the time because I was having a little bit of a freaker... even if it was just in my head... So I wanted to make up for it; and badass was the perfect way to do it... if she took the bait.

_"Maybe I am, maybe I'm not. But if you change the subject one more time I swear to god you'll find out."_

So she didn't actually end up saying it. But what she did say was funny enough to make up for it. I looked down at her hand in mine; trying to hide the laughter I knew would be evident in my face. As I calmed myself down my thoughts got back on subject. I knew I had to tell her, and by now I knew how. I was ready... but was she?

_"Okay Kairi; if you really want to know-"_

It occurred to me that Olette's story might not be something Kairi would actually want to hear... It occurred to me that later on she might have regretted she ever asked. So for the last time I tried to clarify... only to be interrupted half way through.

_"I do."_

God she was impatient...

_"-then I'll tell you. But I'm warning you that I doubt you __really__ want to know."_

I managed to finish; still doubting whether or not she'd appreciate hearing... well not the complete truth... but the edited truth later on. I didn't want to see those tears, which had finally ceased, start up again. I never wanted to see her cry. And I knew that, even if she didn't cry, she wouldn't maintain her good mood after hearing it. I didn't want to upset her with the story, my past... Olette's past... which haunted so many already? I wanted to protect her.

_"Just tell me the god-damn story Sora."_

Well maybe she didn't need the bubble-wrapping after all...


	14. TechnicolouredSilences aka LetsMakeOut

**Hi; so yeah: I'm impatient. Too impatient. Reviews have been slow... I'm sorry if your pissed off at me for the whole writer's block thingy; but that was beyond my control. Anyway; The important thing is I'm back. And this is a PROPER CHAPTER... I didn't really like the last one; it felt too recycled... so here's something wholesome to make everything better, 'kay? Hmm; anything that should be pointed out? Oh yeah; warnings for violence and swearing. Also; the song that Sora and Kairi sing together may come back in later chapters... and lead to something. It might be a theme song... that would be...um...interesting. Oh and the films that Roxas, Namine, Sora, and Kairi talk about at the end were specially selected. Each means something in its own little way... hehehe; funny thing about (well not about but related to) Apocalypse Now: I met Martin Sheen. I'm not messing; he was at my house. Went to dinner in a yocht club with him. He sang me Zipidee Do Dah... it was...sureal... And I amn't making it up. No matter what you think. Anyways; so yeah... there's a good deal of character developement and lots of little metaphors if you can catch them... which you probabley can... i'm subtle, i think, but not too much so. Oh; and sorry for the Sora bashing :P**

**Hmmm... quite a few reviewers out sick it seems... or maybe i'm just that impatient... but It would be lovely if they'd review the previous chapter anyway...regardless of its non-wonderfullness... Anyways... This is for Shawn16 the quickest to review; thanks for complimenting my random writing style in that one, I have a tendency to experiment... oh and sorry for the filler-ness again... that's why there's new stuff in this one:D... lebrezie; THANK YOU SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much for the story recomendation!!!!!!! And its got the bonus of being in one of my favourite chapters!!! oh and thanks for being so enthusiastic about my writing skills too! Yayness... And if you've got writer's block, just ask and I'll help but that last chapter didn't seem to have any problems with it so keep it up! And Jynxer120 for liking my love of additional background! So there we go... my three reviewers...**

_Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts (any of it except forr my copies of the games my sora sticker thingy and my little keyblade- it's SO cool), or skittles, or Does It Offend You, Yeah? and their song "Let's Make Out" or The Libertines and their songs that I mention or "Campaign of Hate", or the 12 movies I mention, or Technicolour... so yeah... I think thats it..._

**_JUST BECAUSE I PUT THIS UP SOONER THEN I SAID DOESN'T MEAN I'LL EVER DO IT AGAIN! I WAS JUST UNSATISFIED WITH THE LAST CHAPTER SO I UPDATED QUICK TO MAKE UP FOR IT!!! I want8 reviews... I've requested 10 in the past(and have gotten them) so don't think i'm being difficult... anyways it's not that much to ask..._**

So yeah...enjoy: )

* * *

Chapter Thirteen

_**The Next Day**_

_Kairi_

Okay; so all the moving around the campus was confusing. Classes varied from being a couple of rooms down, to being a couple of buildings away. I'd been to some big schools... but this had to be one of the bigger ones; if not the biggest... which it most likely was. At first I thought this was kind of weird... I mean; I always thought of the islands as small... but then again I hadn't really considered the fact that the "s" in "island_**s**_" meant plural and my former home was part of a collective. Kids from north coast through to south came to the school... there were a few other little ones; but Llewelyn was the main discipline (Llewelyn being the one I was now attending). After I realised that; the size seemed to make more sense.

But working this out didn't help me distinguish individuals from the sea of faces which made up the student body. They all blurred into each other; as though painted with over-diluted watercolour ink. For about a third of my classes I didn't have anybody around who I knew from the "group". Naminé was in a few of these; but for two of them I was completely alone. I didn't really mind though: for one thing it gave me time to think, for another I knew I'd form friendships with some of the strangers once I tried. For the moment though; I wasn't bothered.

It was as C.S.P.E (civic social and political education) ended that the bell rang to signify first break; snack time. This, however, was one of my reclusive classes: there was no one I knew to tell me where the cafeteria was. Due to being otherwise occupied at small break yesterday (yesterday having been a half day due to being the first day back); I was clueless as to the location of the foodhall (Roxas had insisted that Sora barely ever ate at little break anyway; so he didn't see why, when disappearing, he'd use his extra time to beat the queues at the tuck-shop/foodbar/snack-stop before anyone else had the chance. I had to admit that if what he said was true; it was highly unlikely. And I also didn't foresee not eating and then ending up- I'd missed breakfast due to being late- without any information as to where to go when I eventually – and predictably- did in fact need to get some food). I was planning on asking how to get there, but after packing away my things, I looked up to see the room deserted. Even the teacher had left. I was beginning to despair as I headed for the door only to nearly collide with someone when stepping into the doorway.

Roxas and Friends seemed to have been waiting outside for me to come out. I couldn't help grinning in relief when I saw them. But then how did they get there so fast? I asked them.

"We had a free class with Vincenzo. Easy and early out." Explained Roxas; though I still didn't know who on earth Vincenzo was.

"Oh... right." I said in a dubious tone of voice.

"Hungry?" said someone standing behind me; it was Sora holding a paper bag. I had wondered where he was... but having walked into Pence on exiting my empty classroom I had fallen into the middle of them. The missing faces of Selphie and Hayner stood by Sora; completing the group.

Before I could answer, to my embarrassment, my tummy grumbled as if on cue. I grimaced slightly, then smirked, looking up at him.

"That'd be a yes" I replied. "Now where the hell is the cafeteria?"

"What?" he asked.

"The cafeteria; I need to eat. If you don't show me where it is you'll be my meal; so could you point it out please? For your own safety if not for my well-being." I whined; I thoroughly agreed with my stomach. Grumbling was the way to go.

"She's cranky when she's hungry, isn't she?" commented Hayner. I shot him a scowl, strongly resisting the juvenile urge to stick out my tongue, and the not so juvenile urge to give him the finger.

"Oh; it's not just when she's hungry. Kairi is sunshine and smiles twenty-four seven." smirked Sora.

"Well you're one to talk, aren't you?" I retaliated.

"I am actually; I'm your ticket to food, treat me with a little decency please."He replied in a holier-than-thou tone of voice. Oh how I wanted to hit him where it would have hurt.

"Could you just show me where to go to eat please; you're forcing anorexia, try to remember that you're the reason I missed food yesterday too."I stressed his part in my starvation.

He just smirked, raising an eyebrow.

"Fine; I'll scavenge for the watering-hole all by myself. You're a shit best friend; you know that?" And with this last accusation, I turned and started for the staircase I knew existed through the doors to the right... it was what came after that I was unsure of.

However, I had barely taken four steps when I felt a hand clasp my wrist. It was Sora, of course, current spiky-haired bane of my existence. This was just too much. So I punched him full force in the gut. Okay... maybe I was over-doing it a little... I did feel kinda guilty when he doubled over... and when I saw the look of pain evident on his face before it disappeared to be replaced by the view of the back of his head instead as his cranium connected to his knees. But at the same time I found it kinda funny. And kinda cute. And really good anger management. I hadn't punched anyone in a while so it wasn't what it could have been; he was lucky.

"Kairi; what the fuck?"

I pursed my lips to try and keep from smiling.

"Yeah... um sorry about that... uh...kinda force of habit?" I tried to say something appropriate but that was all that came to mind as an excuse for laying into him so hard. 'Well that sounded wrong...' I thought to myself.

"Force of habit? Punching guys full-force in the gut is a force of habit?" He asked; voice sorta muffled as he talked into his femurs. I still couldn't see his face as he was still bent over. At least the hand he'd been holding my wrist with was now pressed against the point of impact. His other hand was still holding that stupid brown bag, supporting him by leaning into his left knee.

"Well; when certain situations become a regular and daily occurrence, you kinda need to have a good punch, if not something worse." I said, matter-of-factly, everyone else was now staring at me. They looked quite the confused.

"What?" I asked innocently.

"Geez Kai; too think I brought you meals-on-wheels." Sora whinged.

"I believe the wheels were mine actually." Corrected Roxas; holding up a skateboard.

"Oh; whatever Roxas, does that really matter?" Sora questioned in what could have been a dark voice.

"Wait; lunch?" I asked, unable to contain a weird sense of excitement "You brought lunch? Where is it? I don't- Wait! Isitinthebag? Ibetit'sinthebag! Isitinthebag? Sora?" I was mentally jumping for joy at this point... if that makes any sense.

Sora finally straightened up. He looked a little pissed.

"It's in the bag; but I'm not sure whether or not I'd give it to you now." He said; cruel notions of revenge evidently dancing through his voice.

"What? Oh come on; it hardly hurt that bad. I haven't hit anyone in a month or two; it was definitely not the worst I could have done. Stop being a little bitch and give me the bag. Is this any form of welcome? Do you want to make me cry again?" There was no way I actually would cry, not in front of the others. Crying in public was not something I did. But it was the kind of thing that guys usually responded to. And from what Sora had seen; I still that little girl who cried frequently over spilt milk.

"Fine; take the damn bag. But you owe me big time." He grumbled, handing me the bag as I grinned angelically.

"Thank you." I replied in my sweetest voice. Accepting the brown paper container with feigned delicacy and grace. "So; where to?"

"Wait; I thought you'd be devouring the wrapping in a bid to consume as much as you possibly could. Lost interest already?" Sora asked; confused.

"Oh no; that comes after." I said simply.

"After what?" Selphie asked in a tonality almost identical to Sora's.

"After I sit down and read the ingredients." I said as though it was plainly obvious.

"Right..." Roxas said, clearly wondering what the hell was going on in my head.

"So; where to?"

x X x X x

We ended up in some little courtyard that came complete with a fountain. I began to wonder how much this school cost. I also wondered why no one else was here. It was a good spot for hanging out.

"Oh; there're a few courtyards. And everyone knows we hang out here. It's kind of like our area or whatever. No one bothers us." Explained Selphie.

"Why not?" asked Naminé

"Well... just... they just don't..." Hayner explained to her oh-so-helpfully, trailing off without further explaination.

I had a feeling this had something to do with Olette. I felt a slight shiver as I thought about her; I couldn't suppress it as it rolled up my spine. I'd sat myself down on the grass; then I set about systematically checking the food in wrappers for any no-go crap, and eating every last crumb of what was acceptable. By now I had my iPod out and was in the process of flipping through songs. The Libertines came on; "Campaign of Hate", a favourite of mine when it came to their repertoire.

I guess the song spoke to me... it was something I could identify with... I doubted it was actually one of there greatest melodies or lyrical works when there were tunes like the seemingly prophetic "What a Waster" and the undoubtedly classic "Don't Look Back Into The Sun" or the indie rock anthem "Time for Heroes". I hummed along as the first verse began to unfold.

_There's a campaign of hate__Its waiting at the school gates__And for what I am aware__Must be what you wrote__What you write, when you swore that you'd swear __To remember why you came__Not to play follow the leader, no no_

"Cold?" came a voice from someone sitting down beside me. It was Sora. I was puzzled for a moment, before realising he must have seen me shiver.

"No, I'm fine." I replied truthfully.

"You gonna eat that?" He asked gesturing towards the few rejected foodstuffs.

"Nope." I answered.

"Well then I call ends." He said; sweeping up the untouched snacks.

"Go ahead; but I warn you: they're toxic." I said in a don't-say-I-didn't-warn-you-when-you-die kind of way.

"Meh" He replied; already cramming skittles in his mouth. "So what're you listening to?"

"Music."

"Yeah; I worked that out all by myself without a calculator actually." He said in an exasperated voice.

"Then why'd you ask?" I smiled sweetly; faux puzzlement playing host on my face.

"Here, just let me see your iPod." He said; a tad bit demanding. I flicked the song before the second verse even began (don't ask me why, I guess it was something to do with trying to keep the emotions it evoked separate from Sora... trying to keep those demons in the past... trying not to make being around him any more confusing). Once it began to load the next song on its shuffle list, I handed the little machine to him; keeping my headphone firmly inside my ear. He could use the other one.

Just as he put his headphone in; on come the electro/punk/indie sounds of Does It Offend You, Yeah?'s "Let's Make Out!"; which starts something like:

_let's make out, let's make out, let's make out, let's make out,__let's make out, let's make out, let's make out, let's make out,__let's make out, let's make out, let's make out, let's make out,__let's make out, let's make out, let's make out, let's make out_

Wonderful. I couldn't help but think the iPod was mocking me somewhat. But it was a good song. It made you want to whip out a glostick and go mental in some underground location. I looked at Sora to try and gauge his reaction.

"You know Does It Offend You, Yeah??" he asked in disbelief; which I matched.

"Wait; you've heard of them?" I just couldn't believe it. Barely anyone seemed to have heard of them.

"Yeah; they're amazing. I only started listening to them when I saw they had Hadouken! among their fans, but then I began to really like them."

_Too__ many legs under the table.__Too__ many reasons for trouble.__Have__ I got a girlfriend and__does she get real mean?__Yes__ she does, yes she does__if the feeling's right you can see it.__it's the __same;__ don't hurt__if you can't stop yourself when you feel it...__ooooooh.__I can't control myself__when I see you there's no one else__when I get down all by myself__you're the one that I think about__I can't control myself__when I see you there's no one else__when I get down all by myself__you're the one that I think about_

At some point we started singing along. I'm sure we probabley sounded awful; but I wasn't really listening to the version exiting our mouths and I really didn't care how crap I sounded either. We were yelling the lyrics in each other's faces... I guess that sounds kinda weird. But it was just getting lost in the music. Luckily; the scent of skittles on his part and gummy bears on mine made it possible for us to survive...bad breath wouldn't have worked in this up-close-and-animated situation.

_let's make out, let's make out, let's make out, let's make out,__let's make out, let's make out, let's make out, let's make out,__let's make out, let's make out, let's make out, let's make out,__let's make out, let's make out, let's make out, let's make out_

The others were looking at us weird. They'd probably never heard the song before; they had no idea what we were on about. It was kind of hilarious; I started to laugh every few lines.

_Too__ many legs under the table.__Too__ many reasons for trouble.__Have__ I got a girlfriend and__does she get real mean?__Yes__ she does, yes she does__if you can't feel your hands on the ceiling__from the clapping on the floor.__You__ can't stop yourself when you feel it__ooooooh__I can't control myself__when I see you there's no one else__when I get down all by myself__you're the one that I think about__I can't control myself__when I see you there's no one else__when I get down all by myself__you're the one that I think about_

_let's make out, let's make out, let's make out, let's make out,__let's make out, let's make out, let's make out, let's make out,__let's make out, let's make out, let's make out, let's make out,__let's make out, let's make out, let's make out, let's make out_

_I'm in love with you, my baby __girl;__ I'm in love with you-ooo.__I'm in love with you, my baby __girl;__ I'm in love with you-oo-ooo.__I'm in love with you, my baby __girl;__ I'm in love with you-ooo.__I'm in love with you, my baby __girl;__ I'm in love with you-ooo._

At this point we were truly howling. And the others, having gotten over the initial shock of us singing these lyrics together, were definitely laughing at us. But I didn't care. I had my best-friend back. And we weren't the little kids we used to be; now we were two teenagers possessed by the spirit of electro rave: fresh from the MySpace DIY music scene. And it was fun.

_Too__ many legs under the table.__Too__ many reasons for trouble.__Have__ I got a girlfriend and__does she get real mean?__Yes she does, yes she does__T__oo__ many legs under the table.__Too__ many reasons for trouble.__Have__ I got a girlfriend and__does she get real mean?__Yes__ she does, yes she does__too many legs under the table.__Too__ many reasons for trouble.__Do__ I have a girlfriend and__does she get real mean?__Yes__ she does, yes she does ha ha!__Too__ many legs under the table.__Too__ many reasons for trouble.__Do__ I have a girlfriend and__does she get real mean?__Yes__ she does, yes she does__Aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh_

After screeching out the last few lines; I started laughing. There was a splatter of applause; nothing major, and I was pretty sure it was out of amusement rather than being genuine. I mean; who the hell wants to listen to two people trying desperately to become human synthesisers during breaks in between indistinguishable lyrics? Anyway; we bowed as best as we could while still staying seated. Both laughing like idiots.

x X x X x

After school I was to walk home; Lee and Maia being otherwise occupied. Luckily I wasn't alone in this trek. Sora, Naminé, and Roxas were going the same way too. It was even discovered that Sora and Naminé lived on the same street; this didn't mean much to me, but I caught and odd look on Roxas' face... were his cheeks more pink then usual or was I just seeing things? No one else seemed to notice; and I wasn't one to pry... but it was odd.

As we walked; we talked of anything and everything. Seeing as each of us had at least one person that we hadn't known up until yesterday; we'd decided to learn as much as possible about one another when it came to questions like "How many siblings do you have?" (Sora hadn't any-as I already knew, Roxas had a brother called Cloud, and Naminé had a sister called Rikku- who was apparently her polar opposite, I just said I didn't know which resulted in a brief awkward silence ) or "Favourite place?" (Sora said he didn't have one and remained stubbornly quiet on the subject, Roxas said Sunset Hill just as twilight starts to appear, Naminé said that she wanted to forget her old favourite place but her temporary new one was our courtyard, I said the little beach or a certain secret alcove which I said I couldn't disclose the location of...out of the corner of my eye I saw Sora smile slightly at this)

"Favourite Movie?" Asked Roxas.

"Hmmm; I don't know... just one?" I replied; taking my turn first.

"Okay; Top Three: no order" He compromised.

"Uh; Orphée-" I started

"Or what?" Sora cut across

"Orphée... or Orpheus; it's this 1950's French film directed by Jean Cocteau...okay so it's a trilogy; but I'm counting it as one. It's the re-telling of the Greek myth of Orpheus set in, like, contemporary Paris; Orpheus is this poet who becomes who becomes kinda obsessed with Death (who's this Princess), while one of Death's associate-types, Heurtebise, has a similar unrequited love for Eurydice (who's Orpheus' wife). It's so good; it's all in French though which means you end up reading a lot of subtitles... some people don't like that, but I personally think it makes no difference... and it's in black and white which I think is pretty cool but yet again some people can't stand a film that doesn't have an ounce of Technicolor... but sometimes it's better that way. Black and white... it can be clearer then it sometimes is once hues are added. But it's beautiful. Like, when they go in and out of the underworld they do it by going in and out of mirrors; but they didn't have the computerized effects they have today. So what Cocteau did was he got bathtubs filled with mercury; he shot the actors putting their hands in it and stuff, and when you watch the movie, it looks so real, because in a way it is. That kind of thing never happens today..."I explained it in depth. I just found it so breath-taking to watch; it amazed me. But I had watched it alone. I had never had anyone to share it with, to talk about or experience it with. So I got pretty animated when I finally, after three years, was able to bring it up in conversation. Caught up in my memory of its silver-screen glory.

"Uhhh... isn't mercury poisonous? Wouldn't they have all died or something?" Asked Roxas I finished my explanation; he looked like he found it odd... not creative.

"Well... I don't _think _they did; I mean... they were hardly drinking it. Anyway; they did other cool stuff too; the messengers of the Princess of Death are leather-clad bikers and the underworld was represented by buildings in France which were still in ruins after World War Two."

"World War Two? Right; that sounds kinda grim." Roxas commented to my irritation. He was missing the point.

"Well it's mind blowing; so that's just your loss. Isn't it?" I semi-snapped at him.

"And isn't that like that movie Dogma where there are those hockey player dudes as, like, demons or whatever?"He persisted.

"Guess where they got the idea for that from dumbass." I replied icily.

"Yeah; in all fairness Roxas: you've never seen it." Inserted Sora. I smiled a dismal smile... but a smile none the less. At least Sora was being open-minded.

"So what are your other two films then Kairi?" asked Naminé, who had chosen to remain silent on the of my first pick (but somehow her silence seemed more appreciative; as though she found what I had to say interesting and didn't want to interrupt or something).

"Hmmm... Almost Famous, and...em...Spirited Away." I decided quickly.

"Spirited Away? That was going to be one of mine... I guess I'll say Howl's Moving Castle instead. I just love the artwork; I heard somewhere that it's all hand drawn... the Hayao Miyazaki stuff I mean." Started Naminé "and then there's Finding Neverland... I loved that; even though it made me cry. Oh; and I love kid's movies... The Goonies was always the best in my opinion; you don't really see anything to match it in the cinema these days. But it was magic."

"What about you Sora?" I asked.

"I don't know... um...Control I guess-"

"Control? That's so depressing." I cut-in.

"Well depressing can be good, and it's realistic." He said matter-of-factly.

"It's realistic because it really happened, which just makes it more depressing." Said Roxas... I kind of agreed with him, which pissed me off because I was kind of irritated with him.

"Yeah well; Ian Curtis was amazing and so was Joy Division so deal with it. And it's black and white; and I kind of agree with Kai on this one: black and white is better than confusing everything with the addition of colours. Sometimes colour takes away from a good thing... Anyway; then what? The Royal Tenenbaums was good." He continued

"That was also a bit depressing." I told him.

"It's called black comedy; something you seem to revel in. Moving on... uh... Edward Scissorhands. Okay; I know that one's kind of sad, but it's funny as well... and who doesn't like a Tim Burton movie every once in a while?" He finished with a good point; Tim Burton made classics. I'd always loved his style. But still; it was a darker kind of list.

"Well; I like Apocalypse Now-" Roxas began.

"And World War Two bomb sites being used as settings for something else are grim?" I mumbled; Roxas either heard me or chose to ignore me, anyway he continued on as though nothing had been said.

"It's crazy amazing. The scene at the beginning where Martin Sheen goes all crazy when he's drunk was un-choreographed. He was an alcoholic and it was his 30th birthday; he was completely smashed and he just told them to film him and whatever he did. So when he cuts himself off the mirror it's all real blood and everything. The whole film is basically madness; but that's what makes it so cool. Like when the guy taking them part of the way wants Lance to show him how he surfs so he gets in the helicopters and makes them blast out 'Ride of the Vahlkiris' while they bomb the beaches and massacre the people below to clear them for their own recreational purposes; but then the sea conditions aren't right and they can't surf after all... I just thought that it captured the crazed desperation and utter pointlessness of the Vietnam War. Anyway... what else? Um Back to the Future...the first one; where he travels back... and that Baz Luhrman take on Romeo and Juliet... It was a cool production. That was always a favorite play of mine."

"You like Shakespeare?" Naminé asked. I think she was surprised. I was surprised anyway. Roxas... well maybe there was more then met the eye about him after all... I guess I had been judging him kinda soon. It had only been two days after all...

"Well...yeah, I guess. Some of his stuff I don't agree with. Like I really didn't like The Merchant of Venice...well except for the bit with the boxes... but Romeo and Juliet? Yeah... at least they had each other in the end... if they hadn't; well then I just think that ... Th-that maybe..." He trailed off. Each of us was silent. And I knew he wasn't talking about the play anymore.

It all came back to Olette. It always seemed to.

Conversations I'd had in the past two days three out of five times would end on some regretful note or unfinished sentence... everything faded until you were left in the silence again. The silence that surrounded us now. And somehow I knew, even though I'd never met her, that it wasn't just some silence that happened when her friends thought of her... it was her silence... the silence she used to fill with the sound of her voice. I don't know what made me think of this... but as soon as I did I knew I was right. And though Naminé didn't even know of Olette's existence, she seemed to somehow understand the significance in the lull of conversation, even though it's meaning was unknown to her.

We continued the rest of our walk without a word but our farewells breaking the boundary of our lips once we went our separate ways. We were all still waiting for the voice that wouldn't come. A voice that never came. And it was as I listened carefully for this voice that I felt a hand touch my shoulder. I was alone on the street at this point, only doors away from my new home, so I had no idea who it could be. I stopped, looking straight ahead of me, and then drawing the courage to turn my head to see who it was. A somewhat familiar face greeted me; then he broke the silence as he had broken the girl.

"Welcome back Kairi. Miss me?"

* * *

**_Ohhh!!! Cliffhanger!!! Guess who? I know...You know... If you don't just go sit in a corner or something... Only joking; you get a blue star... don't ask; I did and that's how I got this way...sigh...Oh... and I was going to put in "Eternal Sushine of the Spotless Mind" as one of the films...but I only thought of it after I'd written that bit...so it didn't happen; but it could have. And maybe it still can. OH and What is Sora's favourite place? Anyone got any ideas for me? Do You think you know? Has anyone listened to "Let's Make Out"? and what do you think about it popping up again? Lots to talk about...like - :D!!! So WHAT DID YOU THINK????? WAS THIS BETTER??? AM I BACK TO MY OLD SELF??? I'M STRIVING FOR EXCELLENCE ON YOUR BEHALF SO COME ON!! GIVE ME SOME FEEDBACK I NEED 8 REVIEWS TO GO ON! THAT'S EIGHT!!!!!!!!!! OKAY??? GOOD!!! NOW LET'S GET STARTED:P_**

**_xoX-IHeartSureal-Xox_**


	15. Manipulations of an Albino Mastermind

**_PLEASE NOTE THAT MY OTHER FANFIC "OF DREAMS AND COBWEBS" DEALS WITH THE ROXAS/NAMINE SIDE OF THIS STORY... YOU CAN IGNORE THE FIRST TWO BITS SINCE ONE OF THEMS JUST AN EXPLANATION AND THEN THERE'S SOME YEATS (some people don't do poems; i get that... not really, but I'm understanding... or I at least try to be :D)... SO YEAH! CHECK IT OUT!!! _**

**Hello again... so... Chapter 14; how about that? Fourteen whole chapters. Fourteen whole years. Okay; ignore everything this note has said so far because it was basically what my fingers did when placed at the keyboard upon uploading and editing blah blah blah and really it was crap. So; what do I have to say about this? Well... it's short. And I'm sorry. But it is. And really it's better this way because otherwise it would have seemed streched or forced (as result of it being just those two things). So it's short. But it's important. It's an opening for further plot development etc. And I hadn't finished doing up the character's timetables so I didn't want to end up with conflicting statements that wouldn't have made any sense (I strive for perfection; deal with it). So here it is. Chapter Fourteen in all its miniature glory (glory for lack of a better word that is). And the requirment is 9 reviews... and check out some of the stories on my favourites list; there are a lot of fics out there that get hardly enough hits... though I must admit I've faved a few that I may take down of the list. Plots going A-wall and whatnot. But still; check 'em out. **

**With thanks to Jynxer120: hopefully you haven't imploded yet, to Shawn16 for the suggestions (I'm taking them into full account... but first off I have to prevent myself from getting lost in the process... now what I need is some of Theseus' thread; seeing as the bread crumbs didn't seem to work out so well last time... wait; why am I still talking about this? Sorry all..) and for saying I came back better then before and for the long review and the offer of help if needed, to lebrezie... sorry that this isn't nearly as long :( shame on me... and for not hating me for Sora bashing and appriciating the whole movie thing, to ILOVEAnime65 for coming back to my review page and loving the chapter and the cuteness (all in good time, all in good time :P), to Nightmare Knight Absynthe for the, um, enthusiastic Riku hating (LoL) and for saying the A word and whatnot, to Bexmar: btw that was what that chapter was meant to be as I said in the little note thingy but ah well... and I know it was too repeated but it was my way of scrambling out of writer's block so apologies but as always thank you and I do hope you liked the song put to music (though I found the video really random), KHCrystal for saying great (Yay!) and for the support of the "Let's Make Out" SoKai movement, to White Wolf for the many reviews (don't you love it when someone starts reading your fic late but reviews on loads of chapters along the way? I dunno; it just makes me smile like this :D) and for being hooked and stuff LoL, and of COURSE to xoX-Magic-Q7-Xox for Finally reviewing... Dear Lord! I mean Seriously! But thank you. And Please do it again... or... I'll, um, call you frocken face more often or something... like push you into the pool kerri style in Cogolin... How Bout That? HUH?**

Gosh... that all took a while... I LOVE IT!!! REVIEW!!! It's one of my joys in life;that : )

_Diclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, or the character of Elpheba from the musical/book Wicked_

* * *

Chapter Fourteen

_Kairi_

'Oh SHIT! OH SHIT! What do I do??? What do I do??? Well obviously don't voice this; just act cool until you think straight and stop being such a spazmataz... OH FUCK!' My thoughts were acting like their usual idiotic selves. I mean; dear lord. He had been my best friend. And that was what was making me malfunction. I hated the person in the story that Sora had told me... but when it came to real life I was being a tool. This version of him was a lot more real. This version would NOT connect to the story version's villain. I was scrucked (screwed and fucked all at once). And I STILL hadn't said anything.

"Uhhh...Thanks... ummm... bye" I said, in a weird kind of voice even I couldn't workout... but then again I wasn't in the right frame of mind to figure out what was going on in the frame of mind I was in... Does that make any sense?

Anyway; I proceeded to turn away and walk in a somewhat dazed fashion towards the house. My brain was completely frazzled. I barely knew where I was going; my feet seemed to guide themselves.

"Wait; Kairi! What...? Oh. Right. Sora. I understand you'd listen to him... well I guess I'll see you around...or, if he has anything to do with it, probably not."He mumbled.

I stopped at the sound of his voice; one of the many things that had changed about him. But that wasn't what hindered me...it was something he'd said...

I glanced over my shoulder to see him retreating... seconds later and I'd lose my chance; he'd be gone. What should I do? Go inside and never speak to the bastard again... I knew that was right. I knew that asking him the question that I knew he wanted me to ask wouldn't be good... but I wasn't that good a person when it came to doing what was right in the past few years; so why would I change now? 'Because this is common sense; not an act of senseless rebellion or a mere bending of the rules. This is stupid. Manipulation.' I thought.

Shit.

"Riku! Wait! What do you mean 'I understand you'd listen to him'?" I shouted; mentally kicking myself from the moment my vocal chords began to strum.

He paused; standing at the corner, about to go round the bend.

"What do you think I mean?" He asked; and I couldn't ignore the sadness that seeped through his voice.

The sound of pain.

But before I could stop him; he'd disappeared.

'He has another side to the story... he knows something that I don't...'

x X x X x

I was in a complete rush to get to school the next day. Frenzy over where my Cribs T-Shirt (which turned up in one of the boxes I still hadn't unpacked) withheld me about six minutes; and I swear to god it felt like the sky was falling. I needed to get there. Immediately. I needed to corner Sora and get him to explain what he wasn't telling me... or I knew I'd end up asking the one person I wasn't supposed to.

Riku.

I knew he'd set this up. Bastard; I really felt like taking violent action. He was probably going to make it up. He probably didn't have shit for truthful information. Why was I so obsessed with this anyway? This was ludicrous. I never met Olette and I was never going to; so what the fuck had me so agitated? I thought for a moment.

And then it came to me; Sora.

The fact he wouldn't tell me something. The fact he cared so much about Olette and I knew nothing of why except she was a nice person blah blah blah; but that wasn't her. Those were just words. I wondered vaguely if that kid Pence would have any old videos of her... but I didn't know him well enough to just come out and ask him. I made a mental list:

To Do: Corner Sora. If this fails; corner Riku. Verify information (if obtained from Riku) with Sora. Kick his ass for not telling me if it _is_ true (whatever _it_ is). Make more effort in talking to rest of group; they could be useful and they could be fun.

Pulling on my jeans and mussing at my hair I decided this was the best I could do.

I was about to start applying cosmetics when I heard Maia calling me.

"Kairi! Kairi!"

"What? I'm not running late!"

"Yeah I know but there's someone here for you; I think his name is Sora"

Insert vague murmur of confirmation from somewhere downstairs here

"Yeah! His names Sora, you walking to school with him?"

"Uh... if he's here I guess I am. Send him up!"

I spoke before I thought due to surprise. Lots and lots of surprise. But the thing was I wasn't wearing fake-up. Fuckadoodledoo.

I immediately darted into my room and slammed the door. Rushing to my abandoned foundation brush I began working my magic as best as I could at a rapid pace. Looking in the mirror I couldn't help but think I resembled some mad artist; desperately flinging paint about and concentrating on brush strokes with frantic obsession yet little direction.

Tap-a-rata-tap

He was outside my door. Like; outside of my bedroom. In front of the door.

Crap.

"Wait; don't come in!"

"Why? Are you naked or something."

"Yup; I'm just one of those people who can never keep my clothes on at night, sleep nude, and end up in weird situations with guys randomly turning up outside their bedroom with no warning while they realise all they have to wear is their birthday suit; 'cause guess what? They've left all their garments downstairs."

"Uhh... Do you want me to get you your stuff or something?"

"I was joking tool."

"Then can I come in?"

"Nope!""Why not?"

"Cuz boys stink and I haven't currently got a face."

"What?"

"I'm putting on make-up."

"So why can't I come in? What's the big deal? I'll see your skin?"

"Nope; I'm as green as Elphaba from Wicked."

"Kairi; this is retarded."

"Well no one sees me without fake-up. That's a rule."

"Since when?"

"Like three years."

"Why?"

"Because... they just don't."

"So no one has seen your actual face in three years?"

"Nope, neither Maia nor Lee. None of the social workers... no one.""That's a little weird Kai. What's wrong with it? You got some funky rash?"

"No; I'm quite proud of my skin... I dunno. It's just a thing I have..."

"Trying to hide behind a mask?"

"Actually; that's the aim."

"To afraid to let anyone in.""Yup; according to the physiologists I have trust issues. "

"What about according to you?"

"That's something I refuse to disclose... besides I'm ready."I said opening the door.

Sora walked straight past me into my room and started looking around; examining my way of life.

"It's not done yet... it's not going to look like this at all; it's temporary..." I mumbled, watching him wander about.

"Where's all your stuff?" He stared at me; confused.

"Uhhh... what stuff?" I asked nervously; knowing the stuff he meant. The trinkets I had guarded so neurotically on a shelf in my room back when I lived in the boarding school. The pebbles and shells, the little carvings of animals, the box that I kept a load of buttons in (and the buttons themselves which I had collected for some unknown reason)... little bits and pieces that made up all my possessions (besides clothes, books, and school related items). They were me... once upon a time.

"You know; you're button box and all that random stuff from the beach." He stated.

I didn't want to tell him. I couldn't tell him. I wanted to block it out.

"I guess they're probably in the boxes somewhere" I gestured to the pile of hollow cardboard cubes in the corner.

He didn't look at them. He looked at me. He looked at me as though he was trying to figure me out. And I was scared he would. I felt uncomfortable all of a sudden... self-conscious. Off-beat.

"Ummm; should we go?" I asked, averting my gaze.

"Oh... yeah. You're right. What time is it?"

"Um... it's time for me to get breakfast to go." I replied; I never had a watch. It was too much hassle. I always forgot to check them. In theory it was a good idea for someone like me who had no sense of time to carry around something that counted the hours of the day... but in practice; it didn't work. Ever.

We went down, down, down to the kitchen and I grabbed: a banana, some brown bread Maia had buttered for me, and an actimel. I chugged down a tumbler of milk while I was at it; and then we were good to go.

"Kairi; your lunch moneys in the front of your bag, just so you know." Called Maia from somewhere in the back of the house.

"Thanks Maia! Seeya!" I shouted back, pulling the backpack over my shoulder as Sora opened the door.

"Ladies first." He smirked.

"And they say chivalry is dead." I commented, walking past him as his smirk deepened.

We walked in silence to the bottom of the road. 'This is it' I thought 'this is my golden opportunity'. But I didn't know quite how to phrase it so he wouldn't know of Riku's involvement.

"So your mom seems nice." Sora started.

"She's not my mom... but I do love her." I admitted somewhat sheepishly.

"I'm glad to hear it; that she's better than the rest I mean." He smiled.

"So much better." I muttered.

"Had a bad run?" he asked.

"You could say that." I wanted to get off subject. This was not a topic I liked to discus or the topic I aimed to discus. But I was beginning to feel awkward about bringing Olette up as he began to drift towards the subject of my own dark subject matter. I mean; he'd been so detached yesterday... and I couldn't really blame him; I was becoming detached as he pressed for some hint of my most recent history... but I really wanted to know what had happened. I mentally kicked myself; I knew exactly who I'd end up going to after all and I was wondering how stupid I had to be. I was walking straight into what could be a trap. Straight into the lion's lair. And I was fully aware of the potential risk of destruction. I knew I couldn't stop myself though. God I was an idiot. Why couldn't I just let it go?

"What happened?" He seemed concerned. Great; just what I needed.

"Stuff." I replied informatively; cramming bread in my piehole.

"You know I'm here; right? Just like old times. You can trust me."

Shit. I was going to go off behind his back and talk to Riku... but then again I had every right to talk to him if I wanted; right? Sora couldn't stop me. 'You know he only asked you not to in an attempt to keep you safe. Don't deny it.' Some irritating voice in my head told me. And it was right. Why was it always right? He said I could trust him... but then again I gave him no such promise. So why did I feel I was breaking it already?

"Yeah... thanks... just to warn you though; I've got trust issues. And I'm an emotional fuck-up." I stated.

"Ha; so am I Kai... so are we all" He replied. But secretly; I already knew this. He hid it well enough, but I knew all his little gestures he'd kept from childhood. Basically unnoticeable... but if you knew where to look they were blaringly obvious.

They rest of the walk went by in silence

A silence I was too nervous to break with pesterings about the past.

'Stupid fucking manipulative assfaced albino' I thought darkly.

* * *

**Why Kairi? WHY ARE YOU GOING TO DO THIS??? WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU????? Jesus... And what is she so eager not to talk about? Hmmm... well you probabley have a better idea then most if you were around for the original prolouge... but there's more... ANYWAYS; I'm SURE this will provoke reviews... So why don't you all just go ahead and post them already... and please don't shoot me! This leads to the most unexpected things... I think... well, it does at the moment... Oh god... **

**Also; I am gong to say that I've found some good Manic Street Preachers quotes for future chapters... I don't know why i'm throwing this in here... but there you go: I just think they're pretty perfect lyrics to match is all **

**so 9 reviews... and if you can; avoid flames: I've never gotten any before and I'll probably get a little nervous or something... and then the problems would NEVER be solved... so yeah; try be nice is all... in all fairness you don't know exactly how this will turn out...**

**xoX-IHeartSureal-Xox**

**P.S. I am fully aware that Riku isn't actually albino**


	16. Seeking Help: the guide dog bolted

Hi...

Okay, this is kinda random... but I think we all know by now that I seem to be unavoidably idiosyncratic. I'm a hopeless case. Oh well...

Anywho: to get to the point (I've destroyed the bush so there's no beating about it now) I need HELP.

Seriously. This is ridiculous. If any brave reader feels like helping me axe my mini-writer's block to smithereens, then volunteer now(all recruits welcome for my noble cause). You see, I know exactly what I want to reach in the next chapter (or the next two chapters) but I seem to have lost the map and the guide dog saw a cat and bolted after it and I haven't seen him since. So I'm all on my own.

Basically, what I'm trying to say is: I'm looking for suggestions.

But... you see... if you try to help I have to tell WHAT I'm working my way to.

So: if you feel like having a little bit of the plot spoiled for you (sacrificing a shred of your writing pleasure to be a "Memoirs..." martyr) just to help me work out what goes in between (doesn't have to be a boring filler) then say so in a review.

Sorry about this irritating Author's note btw...

And if you're reading this AGES after I've written it and it's completely pointless by now (I hope), then I'm doubly apologetic.

Thanks so much,

Love you lots like jelly tots, love you tonnes like chocolate buns, love you loads like slimy toads

(but only if you've reviewed at some point)

XD

xoX-IHeartSureal-Xox


	17. Train of Thought on Broken Railway

**N.B. THIS IS A MiNi-CHAPTER! Okay? I'm working on chapter 16 already, like: I'm half-way down the second page. So calm, 'kay? I just felt like a horrible person: I mean, I'm up by aprox. 1000 hits since my last chapter posting (dear lord. I'm in total shock at this) and I've nealy gotten to 100 reviews... but a new chapter? What's that? ... I felt mean. But luckily, all the suggestions I got from my desperate plea for help got my mind up and running again: so things are back on track. **

**THANK YOU SOOO SOOO MUCH TO LEBREZIE, RYUSABRE, IMCALLEDKITTY, NIGHTMARE KNIGHT ABSYNTHE, AND xoX-MAGIC-Q7-Xox: YOU ARE ALL WONDERFUL!**

(All thank-you's for reviews on Chapter Fifteen will be included in Chapter Sixteen: so if you haven't reviewed it already, your still up for a "THANK YOU SO MUCH". Go for it, you know you want to)

_Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom hearts, any of the old Junior Certificate Mathematics papers,or Miss Congeniality. I am also completely against the views of Kairi's "make-believe Riku"._

_Hell..._ I _used to tap-dance...okay, yeah... it _was_ ten years ago... but still..._

* * *

Chapter Fifteen

_Kairi's Train of Thought_

3 (a) Solve

4(x 2)-3(2x-3)x-1

3(b) Simplify 

(2x a)(4x-2a)-(3y a)(6y-2a)

And fully factorise the simplified expression.

WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING HERE? 

IN MY CLASS?

He wasn't here on Tuesday 

He wasn't here on Monday.

WHY THE FUCK IS HERE TODAY?

I swear to the god I don't believe in... this is... confussing me.

This and the mathletics.

I need to talk to him.

I HAVE to TALK to him...

How do I talk to him?

He's across the room...

Maybe I can corner him.

Before he leaves? 

I can do that...

How do I do that?

Ummmm... grab him.

Hit him with your book bag.

S.I.N.G – stomach, insole, nose, groin. 

Miss Congeniality style

Or maybe not...

Violence won't help

Or at least: it'll help get me expelled and forcefully removed from the school grounds 

But what _will_ help?

Magic

Oh yeah: _brilliant _solution

Okay okay okay...

So get to him before he leaves.

Get to the door first.

And then...

And then...uhhh...

Go "What did you mean?"

And he'll be like "What do you mean what did I mean?"

And then say "I mean: what did you mean by what you said... you meant something, right?"

And then he'll answer "Of course I meant something, that's what talking's for retard. But I meant that yes: I am a fully-fledged demon of Hades. That I will guide you to your death upon seeing the opportunity. I ruin lives for kicks. I also eat babies... and cute fluffy things. I hate the world and am pro-global warming. I'm part of a "re-direct the gulf stream" organisation, which I helped found. I hate all minorities and everyone whose different : black people, Jews, gays, lesbians, bi-sexuals, cripples, people with mental disabilities (and yes amnesia counts), freaks, geeks, losers, Muslims, Hindis, charity workers, dog-walkers, civil servants, tap-dancers, anyone who drives an ice-cream van, old people, people who are kind to children, people who are genuinely nice in any way, people who fight human trafficking, people who play the tenor horn, people who are you, anyone fat, anyone skinny, anyone athletic, anyone of average build, and of course anyone who isn't me. And Sora is definitely right in keeping you far away from me. I'd probably rape you. And give you a selection of STDs. Including cat AIDs. Fun. I'm off to make an animal go extinct...hmmm... I'm thinking pandas. I'm also thinking you should go score Sora because you have the compulsion to do so and it won't have any effects on anything at all and then life will suddenly begin to play out perfectly. Disney style. Good-bye." 

Wait...what?

Sora?

How'd he get in there like that?

Bad brain.

Evil brain.

Dear gosh.

Somebody help me figure out what I'm meant to do...

* * *

**So there you go: my little teaser type thing (which isn't really a teaser I guess... cuz none of the above is in chapter sixteen as it starts off just before the bell rings as the above maths class ends). And no, I'm not saying Riku has STDs (including Cat AIDs)... she's having a mental-rant, okay?**

**Anyways: watch this space. **

**AND I've already written a conversation for... um... I'd say a chapter somewhere around the chapter 18 to 21 mark. And I like it. I like the last line anyways...**

**Oh and some other stuff...**

**HERE's a Real teaser:**

**"You are no longer welcome in my sand fort."**

**and**

**"I guess I'm on Helium"**

**or even**

**"You sound like a nursery rhyme "**

**interesting... but I can't give you some of my favourites cuz it'd give too much away.**

**Darn.**

**Okay: back to chapter 16... type type typity type**

**oh: and REVIEW LIKE THE WIND!**

�


	18. HoudiniTheSecond aka LostSmilesFoundOut

**YaY! A Proper chapter! AmaZiNg! But Listen: I'm gonna start putting my Author's Note at the bottom of the chapter ('cause I think it gets kinda crowded up here). Anyways...**

**_ZOMG! I HAVE OVER A HUNDRED REVIEWS! WOOOOOO! AND cough cough HOLYCRAPHOLYCRAPHOLYCRAPHOLYCRAP _**

**_MY ONE HUNDRETH REVIEWER WAS (drum roll, if you will)_**

**_BEXMAR!_**

**_AmaZiNG! simply AMAZING:D_**

**Chapter 14**

**Thank you: Jynx for being all ponder-some about the un-answered questions and for being first,KhCrystal for likeing all my really Weird expressions, lebrezie for comparing this to the bible (LoL) and for all the help and everything, White Wolf for loving my little emo characters (you know I didn't really mean to make this so emo... it just kinda came out like this) :D but I can't tell you about whether or not there's gonna be a happy ending (oooh... mystery...),Nightmare Knight Absynthe for making me laugh (hahahaha... Murderlized...classic).**

**My weird "the guide dog bolted" note thingy**

**THANK YOU AGAIN EVERYONE WHO HELPED:D**

**Chapter 15**

**Thanks to: Jynx (first again) Please don't do anything with 'plode in it, White Wolf for the offer of help when needed (you can smack Riku...if you can find him... what do I mean? well read on and find out!), lebrezie for liking the rant so much and my strange (strange) make-believe-Riku paragraph :D I'll start working on Cobwebs again soon, KhCrystal for focusing in on the Sora part : ), xoX-Magic-Q7-Xox...sandforts ARE intruiging (sorry for being sick btw, I WANNA BLOW BUBBLES AT THE DUCKIES IN FANCY CLOTHES! boo) - everyone else, don't ask... we all know i'm odd, Nightmare Knight Absynthe (and to answer your question: Amy Winehouse on Never Mind The Buzzcocks, funniest show, watch it on youtube!)**

**wow... that's a LOT of thank you's... isn't it good that there isn't a big fat-assed A/N up here as well? **

_Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, or any of Harry Houdini's work._

_REVIEW! (race you to 200 LoL!)_

* * *

Chapter Sixteen

_Kairi_

Okay. It was decided. I was going to get to the door before him and then pounce for information. A flawless plan, as far as I could tell. Riku _was_ in the second row, and I _was_ in the third... but I was on the side of the room closest to the door. Our seating arrangements were nothing to worry about, or so I thought...

When the bell rang, I made to leave immediately. My bag ready, all I had to do was grab it... but then:

"Excuse me Kairi, have you failed to notice the system I have in place? Stay where you are. First row: you may go."

So there he went... well: obviously not until the second row was called... but nonetheless he left. Without a glance in my direction. Without the opening for communication. Without an explanation as to why he was suddenly popping up in my Maths class or what on earth the underlying message he had me obsessing over _was_ exactly.

I practically ran out the classroom door, nearly tripping over my own feet in haste (which wouldn't have been the first time such a thing happened to me), but when I dashed out into the hallway...

I was submerged in an ocean of students. There was no sign of the silver haired could-be-psycho anywhere. He'd already swum away. Naminé and Selphie were waiting for me patiently however: having been in a room somewhere nearby. 

"Kairi... hello? Coming to English?" Selphie half-yelled to make herself heard across the bustling noises of those around us and the volume of my multi-layered thoughts.

"Yeah... sorry... I was just in my own little world there." I replied, monitoring my voice to keep any possible odd fluctuations of tone or volume out of it.

"Aren't we all?" Asked Naminé with a small smirk, before turning leave.

I smiled at her little comment, her rhetorical question.

'_Aren't we all...?'_

xXxXx

A week passed.

A week and a day.

A week and a day of Riku appearing all over the place. In Web Design, in CSPE, in Geography. Everywhere. But he managed to disappear just as frequently. Each and every time. If it wasn't so frustrating, it might have been impressive. But I was pissed off and his ridiculously effective talent for vanishing into thin air wasn't something I had any ability to admire on any level. It irritated me. Completely. It had me on edge... and I'm pretty sure the group noticed. I'd grown a little surlier and a little more silent every day until I'd reached the point of going completely dumb. I was too engrossed in my thoughts to pay attention to the things around me, to the conversations that danced away as I numbed my ear-drums: as though stuffing them with cerebral cotton-wool. I had to beat him. I had to somehow get to him and force some sort of response out of his mouth: some sort of explanation. But there were no opportunities. It was almost like I was under surveillance: a guard of friends was with me at all times. Yes, I enjoyed their company. Yes, they were fun/amazing/great people. Yes, I was glad/lucky to have become a part of their lives and have them 

become a part of mine. But... okay. I wasn't a total anti-social freak, I'd been popular before. I'd had groups of friends before (obviously), I knew all this and you know all this: but never, ever, had it seemed oppressive to me in the past until then... 

I didn't quite have a way of being alone. Wherever I went there was someone at my side. 

So I withdrew from discussion and kept my head down. I needed to work out how to conquer this. How to get around his great escapes. How to back this Houdini into a corner, into a hold tighter than any faulty strait-jacket used for show. But I kept drawing blanks. 

Until I found _them_, and suddenly a wonderful crazy stupid potentially-dangerous notion revealed itself to me... but I still had to work out how to put it into action. This was going to take a while to come together, but that was fine. Now I knew I had the beginning of an idea, I could wait.

But apparently, someone couldn't. Ironically someone who'd been struck as dumb as I'd become before.

xXxXx

"Hey Kai" 

We were in the courtyard. I was lying on a bench thinking things through, being a social recluse as the others did something or other... I don't know what; I wasn't really paying them half an ounce of attention. But then Sora was suddenly sitting on a small gap of seat that my legs weren't occupying talking to me. Stupid legs, giving him an opening for "companionship", didn't they know I was busy?

"Hi." I replied in a monotone... or what would have been a monotone. You can't really get the fact that you're talking in monotone across in one syllable. But believe me: I was.

"So... why such a loner?" He asked. Straight-forward much? He was always so nice to me, wasn't he?

"I'm not a loner thank you very much. It's called thinking, you should try it some ti-"

"Right. So what were you thinking about?" he cut me off, irritatingly inquisitive.

"Why do you need to know?" I replied in a slightly aggravated manner.

"Geez Kai, just wondering." He answered lightly. As though he didn't care. Why should he care? Why should I care whether or not he cared?

"Yeah, well don't. " Wow. What pathetic comebacks I was capable of.

"Someone's a tad irritable. Why haven't you been talking to anyone? It's kinda...weird. If you keep this up they're gonna think you hate them or something. Or that you're just that arrogant." 

'Oh would he just shut up?' I thought darkly before replying "Maybe I don't have anything to say."

"Well couldn't you come up with something? Or at least smile for once?" He asked.

"I see no reason to. Why lie?"

"Do you have to be so angsty?"

"Coming from you?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You barely smile for anything. And when you do, it's not even real. There's always something behind your laughter... that's... _off_. Okay? Something that just sounds broken. So stop being a hypocrite. Just leave all that stupid concern out, please?" Maybe I shouldn't have said it. Even as it left my mouth I began to regret it... that's why, when I said please, it sounded like a half-hearted plea, not a dry end to a cold put-down. 

He'd been looking at the others doing whatever they were doing up until then... just another annoying detail. When he was talking it was almost like he wasn't even paying full attention to our 

conversation, as though he wasn't bothered... but at the same time he was half interrogating me about things that I didn't talk about... not to him anyway. Secrets; plans that weren't to be shared. But now he was staring at me, and for a split second I could tell I'd inflicted damage. Something flickered deep in the oceanic depths of his eyes, something tainted and torn... and then It was gone, leaving nothing but shock in its wake. 

"Kairi... I ... you don't...just...I never thought..." He stuttered. That uttering of Kairi burned me somehow... what happened to Kai? Oh god... one moment I'm hating his casual treatment of the conversation, the next I'm wishing he'd revert back to it... 

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have... look: forget it okay? Like I never said anything... I was just angry. And you -"

"I'm fine, okay? And I'm not capable of _not_ being concerned... so you're just gonna have to get over it."

"Yup, you're peachy keen. That's all clarified. But if you are, then so am I, okay? End of. "

"Kai, d-" I didn't cut him off, he just stopped mid-word, looking at me in a weird confused way. 

"What?" I asked kind of worried by his semi-perplexed expression. "What did I do?"

"For a second there you..." He trailed off as though he wasn't quite sure I had actually done what he thought I did...whatever that was.

"I what?" I pressed.

"You... you..._smiled_. You actually smiled."He mock-muttered in mock-amazement so provoking, I kicked him clean off the bench.

Unfortunately for me, he grabbed onto my legs as he fell and next thing I knew I was on the ground beside him: my feet by his head and his by mine.

"Someone has a temper problem" he commented "I wonder..."

He sat up... and next thing I know: he's tickling me.

Full on tickling me into hysterics.

Asshole.

"Sora-Hahaha-Fu-ha-Fuck off-Hahaha" I... um..._tried_ to yell menacingly.

"It's a MIRICLE! She's NOT glaring at ANYONE!" He proclaimed, triumphant at his supposed achievement. So I reached out and started tickling him back.

Okay... I know... it kinda sounds like it looked wrong... and maybe it did. But he attacked me first, so I countered him with his own move. It was all that came to my giggle-hazed mind. And besides: it was effective. Incredibly so. In both directions. Soon we were _both_ crying with laughter. _So_ not good, my eyeliner was _so_ going to start smudging, if it hadn't already

"THEY'RE MOLESTING EACHOTHER!"

'Crap' I thought 'Damn Selphie, this is the last thing I need'

"We're not fucking molesting each other I wa-"Sora began

"Well you're not now. But rewind a few seconds an-" Selphie interrupted

"I was proving a point." He finished 

"Proving a point, getting a...um...point, what's the difference? 'Ay Sora?" She shot back laughing as she did so.

"Selphie... that's gross. Even for you." Roxas sounded disturbed. Unsurprisingly. I think everyone was a tad disturbed... except for Selphie, who thought our reaction was as funny as her own remark.

"Oh, I think we all know it was a true statement... or was going to be a true statement if I had let their perverted activities carry on any longer. Right? You _did_ see them, did you not? And to think, in public! Have they no shame?" She smirked.

And no one disagreed with her.

'Great. They think we're mentally doing each other as Selphie speaks.' I thought irritably.

But then Hayner spoke.

"Guys, leave them alone. Theirs was completely innocent care-free laughter; it's been a long time since any of us has been able to let go like that. Why spoil the temporary escape from our damned youth? Why taint happiness that had no edge to it? Shit. I sound like some dead poetic type. But you know it's true, right? For a second it sounded like someone had worked out a way of breaking out of our hell-hole." 

They could hear the utter justification in his voice, the truth he bled into his words. I could tell, though they were completely silent. Every one of them. Hayner seemed to have put them under some calming spell. Not once had I witnessed all of them so tranquil together in my week and a half in the school. It was weirdly serene. A silence absent of _her_. Simple and peaceful. 

"Sorry... I was only messing around with your heads..." Selphie coughed at the last word, no doubt suppressing some remark I was sure was better left unsaid. 

"S'fine." Replied Sora, amused at her struggle to keep quiet.

"Never mind, Selphie. And remember: breathe" I couldn't help it. She just looked so frazzled by her mental-battle.

She laughed.

And there it was again: the sound of happiness. Real happiness.

I wasn't sure if anyone else noticed the difference the sound held: everyone was getting back into conversation, and Sora (already standing again) was offering a hand to help me up. One glance in Hayner's direction said it all though. It wasn't just me who'd heard it. He'd heard it too.

But then, looking away, I saw something that removed all other thoughts from my mind. 

Something I knew no one else could see.

Sora's extended arm, his sleeve slightly rumpled; his wrist showing, and with it a multitude of hateful thin white lines. At the sight of his self inflicted scarring, this overwhelming feeling erupted within me. I don't know quite what it was... but pain surrounded it. Sympathy pain. Empathic pain. Bitter pain. Utter pain. Shooting through my body, stinging me to the core. All in a split second I'll never ever forget.

I suppressed a gasp. I suppressed all reaction. I simply took his extended hand in mine and let him pull me up. I didn't know what to do... but I knew that right now wasn't the time for it: whatever It was.

Before I let go of him, I squeezed his hand in mine as tight as I could. His previously pre-occupied eyes connected with mine. A shock of lightening. Muted thunder. The return of his idiotic concern for_ me_, followed by bewilderment at whatever inner-chaos he saw in my gaze. And then I turned, releasing him. Releasing myself. 

Leaving for my next class.

Just like that I plunged into my previous distant self. Walking through the hallways, I reached my hand into my pocket: grasping the keys I'd found earlier on as hard as I could to rid myself of the ghost of his hand I'd held so desperately minutes before, and picturing each nonsensical plan I formulated to get through to Riku in attempt to block out the image of his tarnished slash-streaked skin. 

His shattered soul, his hurtfully flawed beauty.

A trail of burnt-out double-edged smiles.

A dangerous cocktail of un-named emotions I couldn't shake without the detox of the unattainable reassurance that he was safe;

How could he ever be safe when plagued by his own self-corruption?

* * *

**Okay... so... I know people weren't focusing in on waiting for Kairi to find out about Sora's demons... but there you go. And he doesn't even realise she knows... oh dear. And yes, the things that she found were keys: that's what she was thinking about before Sora sat on her bench. But keys to where? And what is she gonna end up doing?And what's the story with Hayner? Questions... sorry this ended on such an emo-ish note. But I think everyone knew this discovery was bound to happen sooner or later.**

**Anyways: please tell me what you think.**

**Also: do my new poll, it's about the title of this fic.**

**Thsnks for the hit! Love you tonnes like chocolate buns!**

**(you know what I mean)**

**xoX-IHeartSureal-Xox**


	19. Nameless Kisses behiend Closed Doors

**_IMPORTANT NOTES: First off, I think some re-reading of Chapter Four (5 in the chapter list) or "Hurt" is in order. It seems the majority missed the fact that I already said Sora cutted. And I apologise. Seriously; I obviously wasn't doing a good job if I didn't make that clear enough... oh dear... Hmmm... Also I'm sorry for the delay... well you see... I kinda got hooked on this anime called "Gakuen Alice" (which I found out about through Yukka Tanari's profile, so kudos to her) and then after I watch all I could find of it, I started reading it's scanlations online (if anyone knows where I can read Volume 5 in english: PLEASE TELL ME! Cuz I've been reduced to skipping it at the moment) And I'm living in a high-pressure exam-fueled atmosphere at the moment. Which Skucks. Yup; with two k's cuz my cousin always says that an I seem to have picked it up..._**

_Thanks to:hwbdz for trekking through this steadily (or irratically, it's all about how you look at it) growing story and becoming a new reviewer, I LOVE NEW REVIEWERS! THEY'RE AMAZING, ahem, anyways, KhCrystal for the sincere concern for the characters well-being and the Skins-Related shoutout she gave me in her story (wonderful fic btw, you should read it... if I havn't said that already. If you've been reviewing this for any length of time you've probably noticed my lack of ability to remember what I say to people... it's a real problem), Jynx who I hope has re-located herself, Magic Q7 (mexican froken face; good stuff with ten toes in toe-tal... need I say more? I think not. What am I talking about? I don't know),Nightmare Knight Absynthe (who I must apologise to; because the keys don't go into Riku's eyeballs),lebrezie for the predictions (FUN!:D), White Wolf for asking good questions and for those wonderful story recomendations left in her review, and Bexmar for saying she rarely sees faults in my chapters (YAY!! CORECTNESS!! big turn-around from the "Latter"/ "Later incident...shudder)_

* * *

Chapter Seventeen

_Anonymous _

I didn't...no...I couldn't believe that she... that she did... that I just...

She'd been there... with me...just... just a while before... I didn't know that she'd gone missing like that. I mean I knew she'd disappeared, like, after that whole fight thing.

Riku was a total...he was such...

I knew all that; I knew it. I fought with her about it loads... until about a week before...and then I...

Then I kissed her.

Properly.

We fought so much... screaming our guts out ... I don't even know how long we were there...And then I said something so retarded I'll never forget it... and it hurt her so much she snapped...turned away from me. We were both crying... and I remember everything going silent... and this she let out this whimper: and that was all there was.

Just this pathetic muted whimper.

But it was more than that.

She was breaking: falling apart, losing the safety pins holding her together. It was everything keeping her in one piece rushing out in that...in that sob. And...I was the one who caused it. Not Riku. Me.

It made me regret those stupid meaningless words... made _me _break; made _me_ fall apart; made _me_ loose all those **fucking** safety pins: all because of her. 'Cause she made me feel like... she just... **everything** that happened to _her_; happened to _me_.

You know we read this extract from "Wuthering Heights" a few years ago in class? And the whole way through it I felt like slamming the book closed and throwing it at the wall. I thought it was bullshit. Pretentious Bullshit. But... I've read that passage over and over now. I went and bought the book cuz the page it was on in my textbook was getting all warn-out.

I didn't read the whole thing.

I just read that section of it over and over.

I know it off... like all the: "_My great miseries in this world have been Heathcliff's great miseries, and I watched and felt them from the beginning_" stuff ... it just... fits I guess...

And it was that moment, when she let out that whimper, that made me realise it was true: that this Bronte chick knew what was going on better than I did. Which was so _stupid_ and ... kinda weird: I mean, she's been dead for like 150 years or something... but when I came out with that word vomit... it was just like she'd said. Just like I'd gone and stabbed myself with my own thoughtlessness and not her; so I was too cut up to do anything but stand there like she was.

Have you ever regretted every single thing you've ever said in your life... regretted being able to make sentences that held meaning?



I have.

I do.

But I can't, I _can't _stop: I can't stop speaking... and I'm just digging myself straight into the ground and...I belong there. Right there. Forever. Not her.

_**ME**_

**Me** and my f**ucking **_words _and my **fucking** _mind_.

I wanted to fix everything so bad: so we'd both have this happy ending or whatever people are always talking about: so that she was okay, and nothing could stop her being _her. _That girl that went missing every time Riku came into the picture.

So I began going over to her...

to hug her, or something...

I didn't quite know what. Just something. Anything.

I needed to hold her together.

To keep her from the harm I'd caused.

Then she spun round and slapped me.

Hard, not just some girly little bitch tap... proper force.

She was so beautiful in that moment...

I... I loved her.

I knew I was in love with her.

I just... she couldn't...

Anyway, never mind that...where was I?

Oh yeah...

She slapped me. And she just kept at it. Hitting me over and over. And I just stood there... cuz I knew I deserved worse. But... then she just suddenly stopped. Drooped; put her head in her hands, and began whimpering again. And... for some unknown reason... acting on some sudden impulse... I took her wrists, then pulled up her chin: leaned in...and kissed her.

And...

She kissed me back...

I thought it was the turning point.

I thought everything was going to come together.



I believed in the Happy Ever After: Screw "Wuthering Heights"...

Just a week before...

Only a week before...

And then she was gone.

* * *

**So... mystery and heart-break... who kissed Olette?Not Riku... that just leaves every other guy around. Sora, Roxas, Seifer, Pence, Hayner, Wakka, Tidus, Rai, Axel, Xemnas... any of them really... even if they haven't turned up yet doesn't mean they're not possabilities.**

**Oh: and I see there are divided opinions in my poll... interesting...**

**Anyways, S'later.**

**(my mum's yelling at me: I have to do piano practice apperantly)**

**xoX-IHeartSureal-Xox**


	20. ApologyExplanationApologyRambleApology

WoW

I am so sorry words cannot express the extent of my apologetic woes concerning my lack of ability to show my face around here in what feels like (and must have been) months.

I'm not lying when I say that there were a host of personal issues, freak-outs, general me-dysfunctions going on; along with an angsty bout with my plotlines...

There's a problem

A big problem...

You have the right to leave me all the furious reviews you want.

The thing is... I had this case of writer's block: NO WAIT, THAT'S NOT THE PROBLEM! IT'S A PROBLEM! BUT NOT THE PROBLEM! KEEP READING!! YOU CAN SIGH AND ROLL YOUR EYES ALL YOUWANT BUT KEEP READING!!

Anyways; I had this horrible case of writer's block. Disgusting. Revolting. It would seriously make you question life... and that it did. Well you see... uhhh... I have this thing where I think about thinking so much that it blocks out all thought and I end up in a temporary catatonic state until I sleep 12 to 14 hours straight or unless I manage to have some sort of epiphany to prevent it. Or I get hungry during the process and end up eating instead. Or there's something potentially airheaded that'll veer me off my migraine-inducing philosophical nerdom. So yeah... I was thinking about thinking one day when I managed to spew out a "theory" of sorts. An ideology if you will. Just... stuff. I don't believe in it. But it is in all honesty an original philosophical theory. I even showed it to my parents to see if I was regurgitating some half-remembered concept I'd stumbled upon long, long ago. But apparently it was all my own "warped logic" . So what does this have to do with anything? Well... hmmm... how do I explain this?

My philosophical thing merged with this other short story I wrote 3 years ago... and then...

Right; I never knew where "Memoirs..." was going. There is my scandalous confession. I knew spans of plot lasting spurts of 3 chapters... sometimes 4 if I was lucky. I wrote "interesting" conversations that were "necessary" for future chapters and "developments". But I had no direction from the start. It is 17 chapters of improvisation. Which I think is impressive.

Anyway: that is why I'd been hassled by so much writer's block. I didn't know what I was meant to be writing towards. But then I loved the bones of what I had... so what to do?

And so; when musing over what was to be done, while thinking over other plots boiling away in the depths of the pressure-cooker that is my brain, something happened. Some innocent little thought with no particular aggression or malice somehow became a grand-catalyst. It triggered a reaction, a dangerous plot reaction, by merely passing. Poor little idea hadn't a clue what it had done, didn't have a smudge of an inkblot, was completely unaware. But it had sent my Ideology, my three year old short story, and "Memoirs" all flying headlong into one another. The Force was so great that they bonded together in a intricate catastrophe of confusion.

And man was I scrucked.

Goddamn things were depriving me of sleep.



I didn't know what was going on.

Revelations turned up left right and centre, and a new outer plot was conceived, but there was this basis line that didn't add up. Until 26 minutes ago. I worked it out. And now I have this multi-layered, complete storyline in my head. Memoirs is inside it. It leads to Memoirs, it continues from Memoirs, but Memoirs is not the start.

And this is my problem.

All possible outs from the Memoirs ship have been thrown overboard.

There is only one way to commence; write _my_ story. Write the story that Memoirs makes up.

I don't know how to go about this properly. I don't know...

I just... hope that you still care about the story. All the mysteries and frustrations are all in the new plotline... but then again... it's as yet unwritten. Please accept this as I did only figure the stupid enigma out within this very hour.

I don't know a lot. But at least I know the story. I know it all. And hopefully that will placate you enough to read what happens next. Leave me your thoughts, your questions, your complaints, your anything in a review and I swear to god I'll get back to you. My friends... well there was a whole "friend" part to the many reasons I wasn't around... anyway i've now got a wonderful group of friends... but they're all away. Tenerife, Dubai, etc. Good god. Anyway; I'll have nothing better to do until I depart for NYC, when I return for a bit, and then I will probabley have a boom in chapter posting after I come back from France (I'll be writing a bunch there).

So yeah... I don't know what else I meant to say.

Sorry again?

Well you can remind me.

Go on, I deserve an onslaught of rampaging reviewers.

And lots of story update reminders: If I've been reading your story/stories tell me how far behind I am and I will try my best to catch up.

I love you all, though you probably aren't really feeling said love at the moment. Oh gosh...

Anyways... bye- bye...

And a long overdue SORRY

And HI I'M (sorta) BACK!!

I salute you

P.S. PLEASE please PLEASE understand that this is the way for Memoirs to continue; it'll be editted, it'll be better, the story might be presented in a different outlook... but i'll be good. Very good. I personally am proud of the concept. And it will be basically the same when the memoirs bout is introduced. Hey; it may just have seperate little bits inbetween... who knows? I DO KNOW THE STORY; just dont know the way in which i'll denote it. Styles of mine differ massive degrees as you may just have noticed.

P.P.S. Stlyes of writing clearly XD

P.P.P.S. was it too soon for a "XD"?! Are the wounds too fresh? Is the disgruntlment too much?


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